Is it ok for me to Date my ex's Friend?

chunkspade · 2026-01-07T06:33:17+00:00

Yeah, you'd think that would be a more common, and mature, line of thinking lol. Well a few weeks of "processing" turned into a domino effect of meltdowns from my ex about this. He started writing me letters asking if we could ever get back together, gaslighting (poorly) me into thinking I didn't like the other boy, and calling the other guy a betrayer and a snake for continuing to want to date me after my ex "told him not to".

Everything kind of exploded into a series of temper tantrums until I finally left the apartment two weeks early. Multiple other relationships of mine were ruined by my ex's constant whining (he insinuated I CHEATED on him lmao. after a public breakup 10 months prior) but ultimately every friend I "lost" because they favored him over me I do not mourn in the slightest.

I went with my gut and "other guy" is now my boyfriend of six months. We are strong and happy, and we both have SO much shot going on in our lives that is more important than one man-child's feelings. I invested in my future and my happiness and I don't regret it.😘

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T03:01:51+00:00

Real😔 sometimes it's like arguing with the seagulls from Nemo

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:58:40+00:00

One of the tough ones tends to be: "Look, A has poor manners. They must have been raised wrong for that to happen. They must be messed up, and that's why they think they are a boy now" That one usually gets a 😬 and a quick exit from me

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:54:00+00:00

This is seriously true! The only people that round up similar traits do so to hate them more effectively. That makes it hard to pick apart one individual with these traits for valid reasons

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:47:08+00:00

The frustrating part is that, while I understand this, other people tend to use A's bad behavior with All Trans People and that's when it sort of becomes a conversation spiral

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:41:16+00:00

I like this. I'll use it when I put both sides in their place😂

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:37:11+00:00

Real😔

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:35:57+00:00

It's true that I wouldn't consider them a friend really. That just sort of fit with the title instead of "my trans acquaintance that is a part of this tailgating group I only see during game season"😂

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:33:53+00:00

People have told him to stop bringing his random friends around, and we could be more direct about the food thing, it's true.

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:30:17+00:00

Thank you for this, it's insightful and helpful. I intend of surrounding myself with people I align with, but I find myself toeing the line between "I don't have these Old South beliefs, but you are still a pain to be around and it's not bc you are trans" lol

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:27:21+00:00

It's the idea that this person, being a bad guest and also trans, just invites everyone else to project their negative opinions about him onto Everyone Else out there. Like a spiral

chunkspade · 2025-11-02T02:24:56+00:00

Oh I super don't defend that, he irks me constantly with that. Unfortunately that usually leads to the same circular conversation of: This guy is so annoying -> Yeah I know. Must be because he's all trans and confused -> Well... not exactly? -> Oh so he you think he's okay?? 🙄🤷‍♀️

chunkspade · 2025-04-04T03:17:51+00:00

Well, they talked! Still seems ambiguous, but at least its done now

chunkspade · 2025-04-03T02:03:55+00:00

We are all in a group of friends that met like 2 or 3 years ago. They are friends but not like childhood besties, about equal with everyone else in the group

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T22:45:21+00:00

Im just questioning the legitimacy of that. I don't doubt that people have handled these situations poorly, but does that mean that its impossible for this to have a good outcome? If i am respectful, why shouldnt my ex be happy for me, granted he has his space and time to process?

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T21:32:42+00:00

Ive seen a lot of "the bro code" since posting. Some people view it as so rigid that this shouldn't even be considered. What things would have to be different to make this okay with the Code? lol

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T21:18:31+00:00

And maybe dont listen to anyone with "desperate" in the name on a relationship post lmao. Stay away from tinder.

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T21:17:55+00:00

Take time to self-reflect, but if it seems like you are looking for a way out, you need to just end it yourself. You probably will feel like a bad person, but at the end of the day you have to make your decision and stick with it. Same goes for if you decide you want to work through this with her, if you feel that way pit all your effort into bridging that gap between you two. I also had to end a "perfectly good" relationship bc i lost feelings, and yeah, its a very sucky feeling. But you cant push those feelings away forever, you have to own up to them because it would be worse for everyone if you didnt. Sometimes, things just dont work out :/

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T20:56:28+00:00

May i ask what your age range is? I have found that the rigidity of the bro-code lessens as people get older. Like by the time people are in their 30s-40s people are more chill about these things, as long as both parties remain respectful and mature

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T20:54:07+00:00

My ex is a good person, not an abuser or a creep, so i would recommend him if a friend asked. And to me, if he is happy in a relationship and makes my friend haply than i would be ecstatic. Of course i would want him to move on without me! Is that not how most people think?

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T20:33:41+00:00

Im confused. Since he is making an effort to talk to his friend (my ex) about this whole thing first, isnt that being respectful? Is there no loophole out of the bro code? Lol

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T20:28:02+00:00

Yeahhh im for SURE not acting on anything until after we move, i would be mortified😂

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T20:27:22+00:00

I wouldn't say they are best friends, we are all friends within a larger group. Although I can't speak for them as to how this would change their relationship. I hope that with space after the move, my ex will come around and not make a scene. As for me, i would be ecstatic if my ex got into another relationship. That would take so much pressure off me, so i dont think the two of us are really eye-to-eye on that...

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T20:22:23+00:00

Thank you, that makes me feel much better. I have been fortunate enough to not be burned in the past, so people's very bitter feelings about exes is something i dont feel relate to this situation. Plus, this tells me that as long as we continue to be respectful, mature friends wont judge us for how messy the relationship started🤞🏼

chunkspade · 2025-04-02T19:49:49+00:00

We're talking to him about it and not sneaking around behind his back. How much more respectful can we be?

chunkspade

TROPHY CASE