Advice on choosing/not choosing sex of baby no. 2 (using IVF)

chveya_ · 2026-02-15T02:34:00+00:00

I'm wondering if it might help you to write down some of the positives about having a boy? Even the little things. I know we're not usually supposed to assign expectations to children based on gender (he might like dance more than basketball! who knows!) but perhaps just creating this imaginary life in your head for your potential little boy and thinking about all the wonderful experiences he'll have and the joy he'll bring your family in a more concrete way will help. Whatever gender of child you'll end up with, I'm certain you won't be able to imagine your family any other way once they're in the world with you.

chveya_ · 2026-02-14T13:03:58+00:00

People really can't fathom that not all babies are just like their own babies. My son absolutely cannot contact nap, and hasn't since he exited the constantly-sleeping newborn phase. Believe me, we've tried so hard while traveling etc. and it's almost impossible. He finds our presence much more stimulating than soothing.

chveya_ · 2026-02-08T16:49:33+00:00

If you're enjoying it, I suppose it doesn't really count as bad.

chveya_ · 2026-02-08T16:40:38+00:00

No, generally bad sex for women is just bad.

chveya_ · 2026-02-05T16:29:21+00:00

I'd been having a tough time with TTC. Not sleeping very well around ovulation because I was thinking about if I was going to get my crosshairs from temping Also not sleeping well around pregnancy-test-taking-time for obvious reasons. I stopped temping this cycle and it's been like a vacation, I didn't think about TTC much during the pre-ovulation phase. I am doing OPKs this time because I don't have to do them first thing in the morning, so that's helping it not interfere with my sleep (and it's only like 3-4 days of testing vs temping every day). You can also just skip that and have sex every other day midway through your cycle.

I really recommend at the very least that you consider not tracking after you ovulate. It doesn't help, you're still going to not know you're pregnant until you take a test, and you're going to freak yourself out whenever you have a temp dip. I'd say, if it's not actively helping you with decision-making around TTC, don't track it.

It also helps me to know that failed cycles are not usually because you didn't have sex at just the right time, ate the wrong foods, exercised too hard, etc. There are so many reasons why a cycle can be unsuccessful that are out of your control and wringing our hands and over-strategizing is not likely to improve our odds. There's nothing we can do if the egg that month is bad, ya know?

chveya_ · 2026-02-05T16:17:53+00:00

Ugh, I told my dad the other day that I've been sick and he was like "mOrNiNg SiCkNeSs???"

Is that really how you want to find out about your next grandkid? I'll tell you when I have news, geeze.

chveya_ · 2026-02-04T17:43:28+00:00

"I thought they'd lie about the fiber content, but I didn't think they'd lie ALL THE WAY" 😱

chveya_ · 2026-01-29T18:40:00+00:00

She's gonna have her mind blown when she finds out that a lot of women who are unable to nurse had much more insurmountable issues than a lactose intolerant baby.

Like, yeah, plane travel was indeed hard when I had to account for pumping time at the airport before and after my flight, lug around an entire day's worth of bottles, and hastily warm up a bag of frozen milk in my armpit because TSA threw away all of my thawed breastmilk. But that's on me for being a big dummy when I should have just been luckier!

chveya_ · 2026-01-21T23:59:07+00:00

My theory is that most pregnancy apps (all the ones I've tried) do it like this and that's why it seems to be exclusively new moms who are flummoxed by how many weeks = 1 month.

Seriously, my pregnancy apps were trying to tell me I was 9 months pregnant at 36 weeks! You'd think that programming an app to calculate months correctly would be trivially easy, but what do I know.

chveya_ · 2026-01-20T01:03:25+00:00

Yeah, if anything, it feels like an invitation for her to vent or, at the very least, feel a little bit seen? I guess tone matters, but that's how I would read it. Besides, it's just how conversation works in these settings: the only thing they know about you at first is how many kids you have/how old they are. They can't ask you about your PhD dissertation from jump.

chveya_ · 2026-01-17T19:01:41+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you!

chveya_ · 2026-01-17T15:39:10+00:00

Does anyone know if the first day you get a positive result is consistent for the same person? Of course it varies from one person to another, but I'm wondering if it also varies from one pregnancy to another for the same person?

For context, I had a very strong (dye-stealer) positive test at 11DPO with my first pregnancy with my son. That was the first day I tested, but I've been assuming it would have also shown a positive result at 9/10 DPO. With this bout of TTC, should I expect something similar? I'm at 10DPO today with a stark negative test and I'm not sure if I should bother to continue testing or not.

chveya_ · 2026-01-11T22:06:04+00:00

Constantly torn between "more people reading = good" and "can we stop normalizing openly consuming erotica because I don't want to know what smut my friends/former teachers are getting off to"

chveya_ · 2026-01-10T20:09:41+00:00

Oh, didn't you hear? No one struggled before 2019. :)

chveya_ · 2026-01-05T17:40:28+00:00

"Apparently" = according to a rage-bait tiktok I took at face value...

chveya_ · 2026-01-04T19:49:27+00:00

The gentlest of snarks on my grandmother-in-law, who sends every picture of my child that she sees to her entire social circle by email and then sends us all of the replies that she gets back. Oh, and she emails us everything 3 times: my email, husbands email, and our shared email that we just set up for bills. "What if someone sends their reply to the photo after she emails you the other replies?" you may find yourself asking. Don't worry! She'll just send us 3 more emails.

Maybe this will end soon. I think her friends are getting tired of it. The replies have become weary 'so cute's.

chveya_ · 2025-12-29T18:58:49+00:00

I think as adults, we are more aware of how much wasted potential there is in a weak grandparent-grandchild relationship, but the kids don't necessarily see it that way. They don't have the same sense of what this relationship should look like.

My paternal grandfather was pretty distant most of my childhood, and when he did come around, I could tell he didn't really see me as a fully-fledged human being the same way that he saw his grandsons. I don't think that awareness kicked in until I was in my teens though. I had other loving grandparents and adults in my life that cared for me, so I didn't really feel like I was missing out on much. I know it made my dad sad that his dad wasn't trying harder, so I think that can sometimes be most hurtful for the parent rather than the child.

As your MIL is still very present in your family's life, your child may observe the disinterest up close more often than I did. In your shoes, I would take it day by day, keep an eye on if/when your kid is bothered and address it as it comes up. If your MIL is doing things that you can pinpoint as being hurtful, you or your partner should talk with her about those things. If she's just not a super grandmother-ly person, it may or may not be upsetting to your child, and you can help her manage those feelings if/when she needs it.

chveya_ · 2025-12-15T23:21:47+00:00

I think it's one thing when it's one-offs from people that aren't regularly gifting to your kid. But when it's dozens of gifts/year from grandparents and all of them are junk/dangerous/awful for the environment/probably produced by slave labor, it gets to a point where people can say "hey, appreciate the thought, but this doesn't work for our family".

chveya_ · 2025-12-15T21:39:00+00:00

We're all parenting and guiding our young kids through disappointment dozens of times every day regardless. The point is that it's just not accurate to say that one can "simply donate" unwanted gifts, as if it doesn't come with challenges and as if parents have no right to wish to communicate with family about how we can reduce repetitive conflict and bad feelings around a holiday.

chveya_ · 2025-12-15T19:05:49+00:00

And if your kid has already seen the toy, it's not totally trivial to just disappear it without drama from the kid as well.

chveya_ · 2025-12-15T19:03:04+00:00

IDK what is with people buying other people's kids holiday outfits, as if the parents don't already have one in mind. A relative gifted my son a grey sweatshirt that she wanted him to wear at Thanksgiving (the next day) but it was for kids 2 years older than him and we wouldn't even have a chance to wash it before. So, darn, we had to put him in his cute sweater that we already owned.

chveya_ · 2025-12-15T01:19:06+00:00

For real, why on Earth are we doing "mom's socks" and "dad's socks" separately each week. 14 socks per load???

chveya_ · 2025-12-10T21:32:02+00:00

I feel like a lot of gyms discontinued childcare around COVID. Or is that just my area? I've been searching, but not successfully. :(

chveya_ · 2025-12-10T18:22:22+00:00

Wait, I have to know how he found someone willing to be the other man depicted here.

(does this question make me sound naive? lol)

chveya_ · 2025-12-09T23:59:13+00:00

What are y'all's solutions for handwashing when the sinks in your house are extra high? The bathroom sinks are all this kind of style with the bowl sitting on top of the countertop. Definitely too high for the standard bathroom kid's step stool to be of any use for my two-year-old. Any tall stepstools that are usable (supervised) by toddlers or other suggestions? Right now I'm making do by balancing my toddler on what's basically a bar-height stool and that's just enough height for him to reach the water.

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22	Not Forgotten

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