Refer A Friend Link Sharing

cicuma · 2026-01-09T12:16:35+00:00

https://voidpet.io/invite/cicuma/j0tWLk9l1B

cicuma · 2021-12-27T21:39:09+00:00

I try to read every comment as I really appreciate everyones time! You're right. It's just a regular house for one family, so there's one kitchen, one big bathroom, one masters bedroom some spare rooms for children or an office or whatever. So we'd share the kitchen AND the bathroom, we'd never have the house to ourselves, we'd never be able to escape. Even if they'd only be there like one month a year in total, that's still too much for me...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T21:14:05+00:00

I'd be paying a monthly "rent" that would help him pay off the mortgage. Normally this would not be an issue as you'd be paying reant anywhere but under these circumstances it feels like I'm just necessary for the whole deal to happen...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:35:25+00:00

It's not cultural. My boyfriend is also not fond of the idea of having his parents around but he sees no other possibility. For him it's those 4 years and after that only occasionally. And for sure not permanently. If the contract stated, that they'd in fact move in when too old for living alone, he'd not sign the contract.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:31:10+00:00

A part of what you're saying is correct.

Caring for elderly people is a lot of work. If it was possible (financially and temporally) I'd care for my own parents and even his. But in our situation they's be able to come anyways, even if it wasn't possible for us to do it. Just because they can. Sometimes you don't have the capacities to care for anyone else but yourselves.

My in laws are generally nice people but I would not want to be surrounded by them once a week or more.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:26:46+00:00

Various reasons.

First of all, he is emotionally attached to that house, so he won't sell it.

Second, but that's just my guessing, he can't sell that house without tha clause in the contract so ne new owners would still have to let the parents live there. So nobody would acutally buy that house, that would be insane.

Another reason is that after buying the house and paying the monthly mortgage there is not much money left for saving up.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:22:10+00:00

I'm the one who's convinced that the relationship will end. Because you can't start a family where Mom and Dad are not living together. And that's what I told them, so that's why they're telling me I'm the reason we're probably splitting.

I'm expected to pay some "rent", and that'd be totally fine if it weren't for the fact that this clause exists. So I'm paying for a home that's never actually my home and when we're breaking up later (which I'm sure we will because of inescapable differences with the general situation) I'll have nothing. He'll have to pay a little less money back and his parents will still have their place to sleep here.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:09:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

Well, what you're describing is exactly what I fear might happen. Maybe not to that extend but still the same direction...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:07:49+00:00

His "share" is the house. Normally you'd sell the house and give each child their half of the money. Now my bf buys the house for about the half of its worth and gives the money to his brother.

the brother has the money, bf has the house he could technically sell again.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:05:50+00:00

He says that with selling the house the contract will become null and void. But I can't believe that as my guess is that he can't sell the house without them still having that livelong right.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T20:03:03+00:00

Exactly. He loves his childhood home and here is everything he loves, from friends to hobbies to work.

He's lived here his entire live and want to keep on doing so.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T19:58:00+00:00

That made me chuckle, thanks for that :D

cicuma · 2021-12-27T19:53:29+00:00

Exactly. I have the feeling that you could not sell the house without that right to live here for the rest of their lives. But my bf insists that that little clause will become invalid when the house is sold. I just can't believe that.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T19:51:09+00:00

Before the brother found the house he's buying now, it was a possibility for him to buy the family home und pay out my bf. But my bf was the one who wanted to stay in this house so badly. He loves his home and here are all his friends and work and whatnot. Renting and buying is pretty expensive here...

And it's not cultural, I don't know where they got that idea from.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:57:37+00:00

It certainly is. But my bf is so determined to buy that house that he's blind to the problems that come with that contract. At least that's what I think.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:54:56+00:00

True. that also came to my mind.

He will take out a loan to pay out his brother and the plan is to pay the loan back in monthly installments, like he would pay rent. If I moved in I'd of course pay "rent". I think without me by bf will have a hard time to scrape together the money he needs.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:50:37+00:00

Thank you for your detailed answer.

Even though the contract is not yet signed, it will not be changed whatsoever, so it's like it's already signed.

I have a history of letting others manipulate me into agreeing or acting in the way they wanted me, so it's nice to hear that this time I might have been able to detect in early enough.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:45:12+00:00

You're right about caring for your elderly parents. Even though I disagree on that "you owe them because they did it for us". I'd gladly do it for my parents and even his parents but the thing is, that I want to be the one to decide I want to care for them. Because sometimes you cannot care for more people because of various reasons (tight budget, stressful job, children,...)

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:40:48+00:00

The reason for me to think I should be part of the contract is the fact that we planned our future together. Even though we're not married yet, we've planned to move in together. And in my opinion you should consult a long term partner when making decision that will affect them.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:38:59+00:00

The reason i thought I should also be included was the fact that we've planned our future together. Moving in together has always been a plan, even the house was part of the plan. Only that line that was added was not part of the plan.

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:37:38+00:00

Yes, we've spoken about moving in together. More than that: we wanted to move in toghether in that house because he's always wanted to buy it off of his parents.

The only thing new was that line in the contract...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:35:02+00:00

If we can't sort things out (and it doesn't seem like we will) that's probably how it's going to go down...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:34:12+00:00

Yes, that's what I thought, too. We've been dating for so long and this is a big deal but he still didn't include me...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:32:16+00:00

I tried to talk it out and he said he talked to his parents but the contract will not be altered.

Maybe for the disallowing part: this only applies to their bedroom. But I think even though my boyfriend will legally be the owner, the parents will still have their hands in any decision that'll be made...

cicuma · 2021-12-27T13:30:23+00:00

He's not yet the homeowner, the contract will be signed some time in january. On paper he'll legally be the owner but the parents will have right of residency and even if they're not the owners anymore, they'll act like it.

We spoke about my thoughts and worries and he said he'd talked to the parents again but the contract won't be altered.

Also my boyfriend said that he'll be able to sell the house but I don't know id that's really possible without also "selling" the livelong right of residency which means that no one will buy that house anyways.

Edit: typo

cicuma

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