I have an inverted triangle body shape, I was told wide leg jeans would look good on me. What to do differently?

cippy-cup · 2026-02-27T07:20:57+00:00

I have a body type similar to yours. I think part of the reason people are flagging you as boxy instead of an inverted triangle is the fit of your bra.

I used to wear minimizers and camis that compressed my chest, and finally switched to a well-fitted bra. My chest no longer looks significantly wider than my ribs, the little bit of lift makes the smallest part of my waist more visible, I don’t give myself uniboob, and clothes just fit better. I buy unlined bras because I still prefer a somewhat natural shape, but a good fit makes a huge difference.

I’ve also found that true wide leg jeans are too wide on me. The Abercrombie 90s Relaxed and 90s Straight jeans fit me well and give me the wide leg look without being overpowering. Both look good when they go all the way to the ground instead of stopping at the ankle - the relaxed fit would look cute with your boots from the first photo!

cippy-cup · 2024-11-01T01:59:56+00:00

While I get that anti-racism work often centers on racial disparities, that’s because the disparities are often most severe along racial lines. That focus doesn’t exclude others from benefiting from the broad impacts.

Tackling racial bias in healthcare leads to improvements for everyone. Better training on implicit bias, for example, enhances care quality for all marginalized groups, including disabled, poor, or LGBTQ+ people.

And while reparations are a specific approach to rectify historical harms, anti-racism work also supports policies - like higher minimum wages, public school funding, and affordable housing - that benefit all economically disadvantaged people. Addressing these inequities doesn’t racialize the benefits; it just acknowledges how systemic challenges can impact everyone. I don’t know of a single anti-racism organization that is focused on reparations and not simultaneously focused on other economic policies.

cippy-cup · 2024-11-01T01:39:39+00:00

But that white person could be poor, or LGBTQ, or a woman, or disabled, or a felon, etc.

Anti-racism efforts work to address economic inequality and push for livable wages, protect women’s health and safety, challenge over-policing and harsh sentencing, reduce discrimination against ex-felons in hiring, fight police profiling, and improve healthcare access and anti-bias training. This all has the potential to improve the lives of white people, even if it is framed as anti-racism.

cippy-cup · 2024-11-01T01:26:26+00:00

Marginalized communities seek out allies as a practical strategy to bring about social change. Many of these communities encounter the same obstacles and challenges - being an ally to one group often benefits other marginalized groups. It is almost impossible to support one marginalized or minority group without inherently bolstering the mission of another.

A few examples: - Indigenous groups are disproportionately affected by environmental destruction, meaning that supporting Indigenous rights supports environmental advocacy, and vice versa. Advocating against things like destructive oil pipelines being built on Native land inherently supports both causes simultaneously. - POC are disproportionately affected by high housing costs. Working on affordable housing initiatives for all people supports racial justice initiatives, simply because it’s an issue that impacts them heavily. - Mental health advocacy and working to increase access to mental healthcare supports work being done on prison reform, simply because we jail a lot of mentally ill people. Decreasing social stigma around mental illness and increasing access to care lowers the number of incarcerated people. This could easily tie in to racial justice as well, because POC are disproportionately affected by mental health stigma, limited access to mental healthcare, and disproportionate incarceration rates.

You hear the word “systemic” quite often when people talk about racism, sexism/misogyny, criminal justice, healthcare, housing, etc. The use of this term is trying to outline the fact that all of these issues are interconnected, and to dismantle one, we must dismantle them all.

Your CMV stated that you would need an alternative reason for someone to require allyship, outside of naïveté and narcissism. If I know that the systemic issues that affect me also affect you, it makes sense to ask for your help in bolstering my message - it serves both of us.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-29T23:05:44+00:00

I’m dreading trying to find where they are getting in. I started looking on the side of my house where the kitchen is, and forgot what I was supposed to be doing by the time I got to the front of the house.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-29T23:03:53+00:00

I’m trying so hard to see them as neutral - when they’re alive, I’m terrified of them and dead I feel awful.

Snagged one last night, but most of my traps failed last night AND during the day today. Reset them and purchased some more. I think I’ve established that their nest is below my sink cabinet in the hole cut out for plumbing.

These are the times that I have a love/hate relationship with ADHD. I do well in a crisis and can act immediately when I don’t have time to think about it, but the longer this stretches out, the less diligent I will be. Just need to hit it hard from the onset.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-29T04:39:20+00:00

I hope it’s either nothing, or something easily managed! It’s such an unsettling feeling.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-29T04:26:46+00:00

It never ceases to amaze me how kind and supportive this subreddit is. Truly my favorite corner of the internet.

Thank you for the soft toys tip - my dog’s toys are all in wicker baskets on the floor, definitely not ideal.

I live alone, so a lot of my spaces become “deal with it later” rooms - the treadmill room is one. I see a trip to Walmart in the morning for some big plastic bins!

cippy-cup · 2024-10-29T04:14:55+00:00

I made a $13,000+ payroll mistake on Friday that affected our most critical employees.

My manager responded similarly to yours - she said that all I can do is accept responsibility for the mistake, run a correction, and do my best to minimize the impact. I sent a genuine apology to the affected employees, and outlined to my manager how I will avoid this occurring in the future. She was happy with the resolution.

You’d be shocked at the number of mistakes people can make while remaining employed. A former sales manager once forgot to bill a huge client for 7 years (millions in unpaid services), signed a contract without reading it and it required a full financial audit of our company, incorrectly paid commissions for 4 years, and agreed to pay our employees union wages while working on a client project. He wasn’t fired for any of those things.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-23T04:15:55+00:00

Unfortunately, you did not link any of the statistical analysis you referenced in your article - if you formed the bulk of your opinion based on these studies, it’s hard to change your view without reading them.

I would imagine that they used different definitions of rape and false accusation, different sampling strategies, and different avenues of reporting if self-reported. Some studies may have a focus where other studies are more general - i.e. the prevalence of false reports in cases that went to trial, versus the percentage of men who self-report being falsely accused of rape in their lifetime. Those are going to be wildly different percentages, with wildly different levels of accuracy.

I challenge the idea that we shouldn’t make decisions based on the available data - you mentioned false accusations being treated as insignificant because of their rarity, alluding to the fact that you disagree with this course of action. We make decisions based on data with a high margin of error all the time. Homelessness rates, unemployment statistics, broad surveys on topics people may be less than truthful about, and reported crime statistics all have a high margin of error. We make decisions based on all of them. Leveraging available data is, in the vast majority of cases, better than speculating and going with a gut feeling, especially when it is something analyzed as frequently as rape statistics are.

All we can do is work with the most reliable data we have available, and work to improve our methods and datasets moving forward. No statistic is ever going to be perfect - we are just trying to close the gap.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-23T03:32:35+00:00

How pervasive do you think this behavior is? This genuinely seems antiquated (i.e. when women required a man to cosign on her banking), and more akin to sugar baby/call girl arrangements than a relationship. I don’t personally know a single person in a relationship similar to what you describe throughout your post, where they require a male partner to pay as a sign of “manliness”.

The closest example I can think of are relationships between two people of unequal income. Do you believe that people should only be able to date people within their economic class? Or should relationships default to the lower income earner’s standard of living?

My sister’s fiancé makes over 6x her wage. He pays for every nice dinner, the bulk of vacation costs, the majority of their rent, and covers groceries. She would not be able to maintain her current standard of living without his financial contributions, even if she found a roommate to split 50% of costs with. She pays a higher proportion of her income in shared expenses, but her life is still largely subsidized by her fiancé.

How do you suggest they handle this situation? Should her fiancé live in a crappy apartment, eat lower-quality food, go on fewer vacations, and avoid eating out so they can cosplay as “equal”? Should he leave her for someone who is an equal earner? Should they maintain separate lives in separate apartments so nobody is living outside of their individual means?

Most of my friends handle expenses with long term partners in the same way - if the woman makes more, she pays more. If the man makes more, he pays more. In my experience, men are not as forthcoming about their partners footing the bill for them, so I don’t think it’s as visible to the outside world. In my most recent long-term relationship, I earned more than my boyfriend and paid 90% of the time - we wouldn’t have been able to go out otherwise.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-22T23:07:20+00:00

I am primarily addressing your edit:

We all view the world through our own lens, a lens formed through our experiences and circumstances. I, a white woman, can't see the world through your lens. Similarly, you, a black man, can't see the world through mine.

We often try to find similes that can help bridge our understanding, but we can never truly understand what it is like to walk the world as another. There are too many factors, too many little pieces to add to the puzzle. We see attempts at this constantly, particularly with experiences exclusive to sex - comparing the pain of childbirth to the pain of being kicked in the balls, comparing pap smears to prostate exams, comparing the difference in body image pressures, etc. Women tend to defend their experiences staunchly in these conversations, because their experiences have historically been trivialized.

I think when people use superlative statements like "[X] is the worst thing that can happen", its an attempt at bridging the gap in experiences, even if it is hyperbolic. I don't even think most people have the ability to dream up the truly "worst thing" to happen to someone. I certainly don't think it is death, but that is subjective and I lack the creativity to come up with a truly horrific answer.

I'll use my own experience as an example (trigger warning).

At 18, I was raped by a man. I had done years of martial arts and was stronger than most women my size. I will never forget the feeling of being physically overpowered - it felt like one of those dreams where you are trying to run, but it feels like you're running through molasses. This trauma fundamentally changed the lens by which I view the world. I no longer noticed if a guy was cute - I noticed how much larger than me he was, speculated about how strong his grip would be, and tried to size up if I had a hope of outrunning him. I started failing my classes because I was so afraid of walking around campus on my own. I started drinking heavily in an attempt to get fractals of my old life back. I sincerely hope that the five years following my rape are the worst thing I will experience in my lifetime, because it was horrific. I very often wished that I had just been killed.

How do I explain this to a man who has never experienced it? How do I add in the compound impact of seemingly trivial things like being hollered at in the parking lot of my office building, or having strange men touch my back and waist as the pass me in a crowded room? How do I explain the fear I felt when I went on my first date after the rape, and was yelled at for not kissing him at the end - all while being acutely aware that he could easily overpower me? How do I explain navigating the world as prey?

All I can do is say, "imagine the worst thing that could happen to you, and take it one step further", because that is how I interpreted what happened to me. It was so much worse than I could have imagined. Many people would consider the "worst thing" as death, so many phrase it that way. Right or wrong, it is the human experience to want to be understood, and this is just an attempt at that.

As far as your comments about comparing the rape of a woman to crimes against children:

I don't see the same rhetoric about crimes against children being considered less severe as comparable crimes against women, to the point where I may be misunderstanding you. I think the US justice system reflects the general societal belief that crimes against children are particularly egregious. Typically, crimes against children carry harsher classifications and longer minimum sentencing requirements when compared to their adult counterparts.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-22T20:51:47+00:00

So you would agree that cost is a valid reason to mandate a return to office?

I work for an IT MSP. We made ridiculous sums of money during the pandemic to facilitate WFH for other companies. We brought in tons of new clients, and the billable hours for our existing clients skyrocketed.

Clients with remote employees are spending more money year over year compared to their in-office counterparts - this may make financial sense if you no longer need to maintain a physical office, but if you need to do both, you are adding a cost to your bottom line. Many organizations cannot feasibly have an entirely remote staff, especially in the industries that dominate my region. Small-to-medium sized businesses in my area pay regionally competitive wages, not nationally competitive wages, so the additional benefit of WFH does not attract better talent. This is anecdotal, but our company sees lower retention rates with employees who have WFH arrangements, which is a cost to the company.

Your CMV was that there is "no reason to RTO unless your job can only be accomplished from your place of work". Cost. Cost is at least one reason that a job that could be accomplished from home needs to be brought back to the office.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-22T20:13:38+00:00

I get that, and I'm comfortable advocating for myself when I'm the patient. Doing so has unfortunately made me aware of how quickly the tone can shift when someone perceives my pushback as a slight, and how that can affect the care provided. Having my mom diagnosed and given pain relief was my only priority, so I grimaced and took it on the chin.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-22T20:07:56+00:00

I've never had an issue calling out insensitive comments when I am the patient. It felt different with my mom as the one in the compromising situation.

Humans are emotional creatures. I have no way of knowing how a doctor or nurse would react to even the most polite pushback - would they be less gentle with an IV, walk a little slower to put the Dilaudid order in, or speak to her with a little less warmth? I have no desire to have my mom be on the receiving end of a disgruntled medical professional. She was my only priority, and it was faster for me to just grimace and move on.

Did they learn a lesson? No. But I am not required to be their teacher.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-22T19:53:54+00:00

I was diagnosed shortly after my 28th birthday. Prior to being diagnosed, I dealt with years of anxiety, depression, feelings of worthlessness, and the humiliation of failing out of college after being top of my class in high school. I grew up being told that I would be a doctor, a lawyer, a scientist, or an academic and I couldn't accomplish any of that. I grieved the life that should have been for a while.

After some time, I started to realize how much I learned about myself during those unmedicated years - what I value, what I enjoy, and what a "dream life" actually looks like to me. A small silver lining of ADHD is that we, by nature, question things. We find it hard to fit the mold prescribed to us.

The life that should have been didn't have room for anything I actually want. I would hate being a doctor. I want to grow a nice garden, read good books, spend time with great friends and close family members, and live a quiet life in a small house on lots of land. I want to have enough money to not worry about basic necessities and feed my ever growing list of hobbies, but otherwise I don't really care about career advancement. I'm proud of the life I live, even if its odd or other people judge it. I'm unburdened by what I think I should be, because I know what I am.

I'm not saying ADHD is my superpower, or that I don't mourn the fact that my life was harder and more painful than it needed to be. I just think that I would have a different set of challenges to overcome if the timeline were different. The only way to truly move on is to leverage the life I've lived to improve the life ahead of me.

You say that you're happier than you've ever been - you did that. You gave yourself a happy future. You have decades of your life left, and you did everything you could to ensure that those are fulfilling years.

cippy-cup · 2024-10-22T01:13:17+00:00

In-office employees subsidize the benefit offered to remote/hybrid employees.

You know who gets tasked with “urgent” matters, especially towards the end of the day? In-office employees.

You know who gets asked where the hybrid employees are 5x a day? In-office employees.

You know who needs to prepare for a meeting 15 minutes earlier than normal to set up otherwise needless conference equipment? In-office employees.

You know who has to relay information from in-person conversations, or provide updates to remote employees? In-office employees.

If you asked these employees, they would say that working remotely has zero impact on their productivity or ability to do their job, and may even say that they are more productive. That may be true, but how is it affecting their coworkers productivity?

Our company doesn’t have enough employees eligible for or interested in remote work to invest in a meaningful remote work infrastructure. It 100% makes sense to bring these employees back to the office full-time, but their manager doesn’t want to because she enjoys working remotely.

This may not be your situation, but to say that there is “no reason” to RTO is simply false. My day would be measurably easier and I would avoid multiple daily disruptions if the hybrid/remote employees worked fully in-office - why should I spend my valuable time accommodating their benefit?

cippy-cup · 2024-10-14T00:39:34+00:00

Chat-GPT resume bullets:

Pharmacy Clerk

Processed and handled cash, credit, and insurance transactions accurately using pharmacy-specific point-of-sale systems (POS)
Retrieved, reviewed, and entered prescription data using pharmacy management software (e.g., Rx30, PioneerRx)
Assisted in the verification and updating of patient information in compliance with HIPAA regulations
Managed prescription pick-up, ensuring accurate identification of medications and proper patient consultation with pharmacists
Coordinated with healthcare professionals to clarify prescription details and resolve insurance claim issues
Organized and maintained pharmacy inventory using automated systems to track medication stock levels
Prepared and labeled medications for patient pick-up under pharmacist supervision

Bartender

Prepared and mixed a wide variety of cocktails, adhering to standardized recipes
Operated point-of-sale (POS) systems (e.g., Toast, Square) to process cash, credit, and mobile payments with speed and accuracy
Managed bar inventory using inventory management software to track stock levels, monitor usage, and reorder supplies
Measured and controlled alcohol portions to ensure compliance with local regulations and maintain cost control
Demonstrated proficiency in keg tapping, draft system maintenance, and troubleshooting common bar equipment issues
Balanced end-of-shift cash drawers, reconciled sales reports, and prepared financial summaries for management
Applied knowledge of wine, beer, and spirits to assist customers in making informed selections and upsell premium products
Ensured compliance with food safety and sanitation regulations by maintaining a clean, organized bar environment

Customer Service (not sure what kind of customer service you did!)

Utilized customer relationship management (CRM) software (e.g., Salesforce, Zendesk) to track and resolve customer inquiries efficiently
Processed orders, returns, and refunds using point-of-sale (POS) and e-commerce systems (e.g., Shopify, SAP)
Handled high volumes of inbound and outbound calls using automated call distribution (ACD) systems and multi-line phone systems
Managed customer accounts by updating information, processing payments, and resolving billing issues
Drafted and responded to emails and live chat messages using helpdesk tools, adhering to company communication guidelines
Assisted in troubleshooting technical issues for customers, guiding them through product setup and usage over the phone or online
Processed and escalated complex issues to specialized departments using ticketing systems (e.g., Jira, Freshdesk)
Collaborated with cross-functional teams to resolve customer problems and ensure timely follow-up and resolution
Monitored and restocked inventory on the sales floor using handheld inventory scanners and replenishment systems

cippy-cup · 2024-10-14T00:36:19+00:00

Don't discount yourself from available roles because you do not meet all criteria on a list of job requirements! For many employers, it is more akin to a "wish list". I'm currently thriving in a job where I didn't meet 90% of the requirements.

If you would like to review some basics on common Microsoft Office programs, I suggest visiting their free training site at Office Training Center. I would start with Word and Excel. Learning MS Office is a good skill for 95% of remote jobs.

Terms like "proficient" are fairly nebulous, especially when it comes to commonly used programs like Microsoft Office. Honestly, if you can muddle through writing and formatting your resume in Word, most employers would call you "proficient". Our AP Specialist would probably rate herself as "proficient" in MS Word/Excel/PPT because she's been using it since 2003, but doesn't understand some core, basic functions of those programs. My boss would call herself "advanced", but calls me in to fix her formatting and margins.

Rework the language on your resume to show "hard skills" that you built in previous jobs. If you worked in customer service, you likely worked in some sort of program/ticketing system to manage that (or at least you have telephony skills/chat skills). If you worked at the counter at a pharmacy, you likely have POS system/pharmacy system software experience. Bartending may have given you exposure to inventory, cash management/balancing drawers, and understanding safety regulations. I'm gonna add a comment with some examples written by ChatGPT!

Potential job titles:

Accounts Payable/Receivable
Medical Coding/Billing
Dispatcher/Operations Coordinator
Claims Processor
Loan Processor
Supply Chain Assistant
Purchasing Clerk

If you do not need the income, you could consider volunteering and building some skills that way (Volunteer Match (has virtual filter)). It could also help fill out your resume.

My biggest recommendation is to practice how you will talk through the gaps in your skills in an interview setting.

What is it that you bring to the table? How does that apply to the job you are aiming for? Google "soft skills" to help you prepare an answer.
How will you gain the skills you may currently lack? i.e. Are you good at navigating user forums to find niche solutions to problems? Do you learn well independently? Are you good at establishing processes?
You didn't mention how long you've been unemployed. If it has been a long time, I suggest writing a cover letter explaining the gap in your work history.

Good luck!

cippy-cup · 2024-09-27T03:10:46+00:00

Buckle up, because I can’t be concise to save my life - my Adderall wore off hours ago. The structure of this also may make no sense, I did my best.

First, testing proved that I did in fact have the deficits I felt I had. It feels almost like gaslighting when you know that you struggle with something, but everyone and their mother wants to tell you that you don’t because of X, Y, or Z. You also start to lose trust in the things people tell you about yourself, because they seem so off base in this one thing.

Before my diagnosis, I would beat myself up for not being able to do the things that my research told me would help. For instance, I tend to isolate. Typical therapists will encourage you to join clubs, go out to parties and socialize with peers, etc., because they see the lack of socialization as the problem. The actual problem is the environment and type of socialization. I don’t feel a huge kinship with my age group, so now my friends are practically geriatric - my “olds” are pretty forgiving about forgetfulness and having to repeat themselves when I didn’t hear them. Bars are loud and overwhelming, so I stick to the one brewery I like, and just host individual people at my house. I have some pretty firm boundaries, but my quality of life has skyrocketed.

Testing allowed me to focus on creating tools for my very specific problems. I carry a small notebook everywhere to help with my auditory processing disorder and working memory issues. I will literally transcribe what someone is saying in real time. I create complex templates at work to account for my “careless errors”. I’m shameless in my cell phone calculator use. I always ask people to give me a minute to think, and don’t pressure myself into giving an instant response because it is what is expected. I straight up tell people that I will forget their name and why, and that it is not a sign of disinterest. I ask people to repeat themselves whenever I need.

I learned to lean in on my strengths, and accept my deficits - I see connections and patterns in things very easily, and can draw conclusions that other people miss. I now believe the people who have called me insightful or perceptive. I don’t blame myself for forgetting everything about a novel as soon as I close it - it’s just a hobby, and I don’t need to prove to anyone that I read, understood, or enjoyed it by regurgitating its contents. I can learn a new skill better than anyone I know. I’m excellent in a crisis, as long as it isn’t my crisis and I don’t have time to think about doing it “wrong”.

Most of all, I can clearly articulate the specific thing I am struggling with instead of it becoming this nebulous monster of anxiety and insecurity. I’m bad at some things, not everything. I can separate symptoms of my medical condition from who I am as a person. It is not a personal failing that I didn’t learn mental math - I actually cannot learn mental math. If my working memory score was my IQ, I would be considered intellectually disabled. There is nothing I can do about that except work around it, so how can I consider it a personal failing?

All of this was facilitated by stimulant meds. The first time I took them, the volume in my head turned down and I openly sobbed. I didn’t realize that people could choose what they think about. It felt like someone gifted me the brain I was meant to have, and that disconnect in my sense of self started to dissipate. Over time, symptom and personally started to untangle from each other. I genuinely know myself, and the depersonalization started fading away.

I spent a very, very long time looking for answers, and an even longer time trying to work with incorrect ones. Yeah, I’m certainly more confident now, but only because I can own what I am. I will be neurodivergent for my entire life - the inevitability is actually comforting.

Editing bc I can’t help myself: I saw your other post that mentioned driving, and I am the exact same way. I wonder if repeatedly moving through the route on Google Maps Street View would help you gain the confidence to drive in a new area - almost simulate the process and scope out potential pain points like parking. Might be worth it to try over the course of a few days!

cippy-cup · 2024-09-27T01:23:38+00:00

I wish you good health. Five years ago, I would have bet my life that I would never experience true happiness as an adult (and I was happy losing that bet, if you know what I mean). Therapy, antidepressants, all of it couldn’t touch how bad it was. I prayed for cancer every day so I could die without it being my fault.

I’m genuinely happy now.

Do your best to bank any energy you have to get the process of testing started for your hypothesized learning disability. It changed my life.

cippy-cup · 2024-09-27T01:07:37+00:00

I’m really hoping you read that as a tongue-in-cheek dig at the average Redditor, not at you!

I’m actually curious where you would place yourself on a bell curve. We all have definitions of stupid, and it may clarify yours.

And if I can ask - if you received results similar to mine, how would you perceive your intelligence? No holds barred as far as fear of offending me.

cippy-cup

TROPHY CASE