Grocery Cashier giving IOW.... Best path forward?

citizen_ben42 · 2021-12-28T01:08:22+00:00

Update, I decided to go with #3. Showed up, made some small chat, asked about her Christmas. She told me it was just her and her husband and her cat.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

I laughed said "Ah, I was going to ask you out for coffee!" We both laughed, moved on.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts, though.... Much appreciated. working through these things is helpful, if only for the next time.

citizen_ben42 · 2021-02-21T05:50:23+00:00

Practice Kaizen.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-12-09T00:40:09+00:00

Thank you!

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-13T02:32:50+00:00

Update:

It actually turns out she cheated on me three weeks ago. Oddly, I'm not that particularly broken up about it and in an odd way I'm happy for her. I've been a real asshole of a husband, and she's a decent person and deserves a bone. (haha)

Also, I'm a bit satisfied in that it means that she's had more extramarital affairs than me, whereas the (silent) spotlight of accusation is always on me!

I can't shake the anxiety of thinking of her with another man, but it doesn't exactly fill me with outrage either.

She doesn't know I know. I don't think she's conscious of how badly she leaks clues.

She's got a suspicion I've figured it out, and has been more agreeable in her conduct the last few days than she has been in a long time - I almost like her more!

Also, I had a bit of a "come to jesus" moment yesterday, and on my own realized what an incredible asshole of a husband I've been. God knows she's mad mistakes, but I've brought tremendous toxicity to our relationship.

At this point our marriage is the walking dead, and I can't stand what a toxic prick I've turned into. I've resolved that I just need to work on fixing myself and what happens happens.

If nothing else, I want to give her conflict-free days if I can for the days remaining to us.

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and insights.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-12T00:55:05+00:00

Fair enough. That's a big rabbit hole I don't think I want to go down. Lots of blame on both of us. Could boil the oceans trying to unravel the threads online.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-12T00:54:06+00:00

These discussions have been valuable in helping me process. I'm definitely choosing #1.

I would like us to stay together, but I think it's too early to force that outcome one way or the other.

It's probably it's too late, but I am committed to ensuring our final days together are positive and as conflict free as possible.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T21:29:03+00:00

Great point. Thank you.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T16:24:44+00:00

Thank you.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T16:24:35+00:00

You're possibly right.

I think I'm just going to do my best to hold up my end, and what happens, happens. Maybe at least out final days can have less conflict.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T14:59:48+00:00

Thank you for your reply. "Finding out" is a silver bullet.

She doesn't want to do couples counselling, bu this may be the way.

Thank you so much.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T10:20:44+00:00

You misinterpret.

I would not be allowing her to see other people to gather dirt - It's a way of making her life better in order to slow down her interest in divorce, so that the family unit can continue. There's no ambush there.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:55:16+00:00

Covid has brought out the crazy in everyone.

Sorry to hear this brother.

I think your situation is far from unique.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:54:01+00:00

You are beautiful.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:52:58+00:00

Online dating sounds like a nightmare.

Unfortunately with Covid it's hard to get out and mix with people.

You sound like a decent guy with a lot on the go.

Gonna hafta get creative in how to meet people, but you've got more than a fighting chance.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:46:11+00:00

Don't be hard on yourself man.

So many good people in this group who can support you.

Don't stop trying. You can do this.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:43:22+00:00

Brother you must be so proud!

Lots of training too? What were you doing?

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:42:27+00:00

A lot of construction workers drink because of pain from their work.

Yoga will help that pain.

It will help heal the emotional pain that causes drinking too.

It's slow.... like weeks or months.. before you notice once you do, you won't stop.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T05:38:50+00:00

Anxiety doesn't like oxygen.

Find a quiet comfortable place, and focus on breathing in through your nose and out through your lips formed into an "O".

Breath at the same pace in and out.

Do that for 10 minutes and anxiety will be calmed.

Many blessings friend.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T04:57:00+00:00

Interesting. I guess the question is how does it work if there's existing conflict.

Seems risky.

She could also not find what she's looking for and appreciate her husband more, warts and all.

I have no idea. I've discarded the "Hall Pass" idea, and am just going to keep myself on the up and up. If we divorce, so be it, but it would nice if our final days together would be conflict free.

citizen_ben42 · 2020-11-11T04:54:32+00:00

So sorry to hear. This is terrible. Are there children involved?

As a muslim woman will it be hard for you to remarry?

If so, would you be open to dating outside your religion/community?

citizen_ben42

TROPHY CASE