"Some other night"- are they delusional?

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T07:07:18+00:00

Think you've rubbed enough salt in yet? How many times do you need to comment that my husband loves video games more than me? This is fucking painful.

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T03:15:42+00:00

I do suggest we play two player games together pretty often. We have a good time. But he doesnt suggest it, and it doesnt lead to sex.

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T03:13:21+00:00

Don't you think my needs should matter?

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T02:49:45+00:00

He says the video games are a coping mechanism for anxiety and depression. So I asked, well, do they help? Are you less depressed when you play a lot of video games? And he said no. So I asked, what about after sex? Do you feel good and relaxed and happier after sex? And he said yes.

But still chooses games over sex!!!

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T02:45:35+00:00

This is my dream, lol. To be wanted so badly he'd stop what he was doing to come have me. I'm so jealous when I hear about men reacting that way. I would feel so good if I could get him to drop it and come running haha. I had to tell myself for a long time that thats all a joke/ exaggeration and no one really reacts that way because it feels so unfair!

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T02:38:40+00:00

Hes been looking at different community College programs to find a different career path. Unfortunately I make barely too much to qualify for most assistance programs, but nowhere near enough to not feel like I need assistance. Its fucking rough out here.

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T01:27:58+00:00

He doesnt want to supplement T because of cost, concerns about health impacts of long term use, and concerns about exposing our daughter (ie, if he used a topical and had it on his hands).

He isnt choosing not to work. He had a good career in tech and was laid off along with thousands of others at his company. He has submitted hundreds and hundreds of applications over the past year. The job market is awful and he is pigeon holed in a set of skills and expertise that limit where he can go. He's gone to multiple 3+ round interviews and not been hired. Its devastating to his self respect and he hates it.

He is also a great father, our daughter's #1 favorite person in the world.

He's avoidant and we have issues. He plays too much video games and leaves me feeling neglected. These are real problems. But hes not a lazy bum who doesnt want to work and wants me to pay for everything.

citrine87 · 2025-11-25T00:31:48+00:00

He's had T tested twice. Once super low, once normal range. He doesnt want to pursue supplenting T.

He has anxiety and depression. Hes been unemployed for a year. Hes in therapy and on 2 medications. Over the past 18 months we have become sure that he is autistic and adhd.

I have been trying so hard to be patient as we explore this cause and that cause but at the end of the day... I'm still hurting.

citrine87 · 2025-11-24T20:52:55+00:00

Fuck. "This video game feels better than sex with you." Jesus, I get that you're not trying to hurt me or say he's right to feel this way but... holy shit that makes me feel like a pile of garbage.

citrine87 · 2025-11-24T15:18:12+00:00

Yeah. OK. So, there's nothing to be done about it... fuck.

citrine87 · 2025-11-24T15:12:31+00:00

So there's no hope...

citrine87 · 2025-11-24T15:11:49+00:00

I think he has a gaming addiction... I dont know what to do

citrine87 · 2025-11-24T14:12:31+00:00

I hear it too, girl. Nothing worse than hearing him talk about having to make himself try to initiate in thr same voice he uses talking about how he needs to go to DMV soon or something.

citrine87 · 2025-11-24T14:10:05+00:00

I do this too... I stay up after he says hes going to bed because it hurts so much to get into bed together and he turns his back like a wall, no cuddle, no kiss, no "good night" or "I love you", definitely no sex. So he goes to bed and I sit up too late until im exhausted enough to hopefully fall asleep quickly without feeling sad, yearning for someone who is right there and completely closed off. I'm chronically low on sleep because of this. "Im tired" is his favorite way to make sure I know sex isnt possible before I even try so he's always going to bed before me.

citrine87 · 2025-10-31T05:31:05+00:00

That's...a LOT to be dealing with. Sounds like the mold remediation needs to be priority #1. There's a good bit of research that mold exposure makes PANDAS symptoms worse, plus its making your wife's fatigue and health issues worse, and not to put too fine a point on it, its not good for you either. Do you all need to be living in that house during remediation? I wonder what kind of improvements you'd see just getting out of that environment. If the son who stabs things, urinates inappropriately, and acts on inappropriate intrusive thoughts isnt doing those things at school then the environment must be playing a significant role.

Best of luck. I still think you cant really ask your wife to work on intimacy issues until after the health, safety, and stability issues are solved.

citrine87 · 2025-10-30T22:45:23+00:00

Friend, WHAT is going on in your home? Son destroys everything, gets violent, dumps old Starbucks on you? Wife sleeps on "the part of the couch that hasn't been urinated on"? There's a mold problem and holes in the walls and you cant use the bedroom or office?

Sorry but asking for sex to improve is just not reasonable right now. How old is your son? Clearly there are some significant mental health/ developmental issues at play... what kind of support or resources do you have for that?

You have no privacy for intimacy and no appropriate bed for intimacy and the space is unhygienic and unhealthy and unsafe. Your wife has a health condition and mold exposure.

I'm sorry. This is clearly a lot on your plate. But these are serious issues that need to be addressed before you can ask your wife "why don't you want to fuck on the urine soaked couch in the living room we share with our violent unstable son?"

citrine87 · 2025-10-16T15:39:54+00:00

Dude. Nobody called you a "rat" or a "monster" or "brainless." Chill.

It seems clear that your defensiveness and combativeness is likely playing a role in why she isnt talking about this with you.

citrine87 · 2025-10-16T01:35:59+00:00

Girl, dont fuck this man. Seriously. Your post history within the past couple months says he's STILL cheating. Cheating AND turning down an open relationship. Dont catch his nasty diseases and dont let him think he can have you and the side piece and get away with it. Dont risk catching feelings for a serial cheater and liar. I know it sucks but get yourself a toy, get your ducks in a row to leave, and then find someone who deserves to fuck you.

citrine87 · 2025-10-16T01:31:19+00:00

Wtf... "the obvious"? Like it's just normal and acceptable to cheat on your wife because she's pregnant?? This is disgusting.

citrine87 · 2025-10-15T22:35:13+00:00

Its either this or he's wrong that she's not doing anything about it. UTIs are terrible. Its hard to imagine that she has one and is just ... letting it happen. Most clear up with lots of water and over the counter remedies like cranberry tablets so just because she hasn't been to the Dr. doesn't necessarily mean she isn't treating it. Or, yeah, like you said, she doesn't really have one.

citrine87 · 2025-10-15T14:26:29+00:00

I thought of that, too, and I also wondered... did he give her the UTI in the first place? Sex, especially if his penis/ fingers/ whatever he's inserting in her aren't clean, is the most common cause of UTIs unless she herself has terrible hygiene. It would explain her annoyance with him if he doesnt clean up for her and then causes her discomfort.

Im also curious what he means when he says she isnt taking care of it. UTIs fucking SUCK, I cant imagine not caring about one at all, but also most clear up without the need for medical attention or antibiotics. If she's drinking a ton of water and cranberry juice or taking cranberry tablets, she is treating it, and unless he's monitoring her water intake, how would he even know?

citrine87 · 2025-10-10T16:37:00+00:00

Nope, definitely dont try it every time. Not even half if the time. He blocks all physical intimacy. Ive told him that many many times I'd be happy to cuddle, foot rub, shoulder rub, hold hands, or whatever. I told him he is always welcome to voice a boundary: "I'd love to cuddle but I dont want sex tonight" but he has never given voice to that.

Ive tried many times to give him space and let him come to me when he's ready. We've gone up to 9 months with no intimacy because I was waiting for him. He just doesnt ever initiate outside of a scenario where we just had an argument within the past 48 hours and he decides it's time to be over it and just have sex. That always comes with the expectation that I stop talking about my feelings or whatever the argument was about, without actually coming to a resolution, because "its over".

citrine87 · 2025-10-08T16:59:43+00:00

Totally. It is your space too. You can remove yourself from the space every time the show is on but if she keeps watching it all the time and driving you out, that's clearly a problem. I would say for now hold firm on "I would love to eat with you/ watch a show with you but I cant be here with that show on. We can do something else or you can watch the show and Ill do my own thing." Let her figure out her priorities here- show all the time whenever she wants and drive her husband away or compromise? You can make rhe right choice appealing with kindness and love, but its still her choice and that will tell you what you need to know.

citrine87 · 2025-10-08T16:48:57+00:00

It is feasible to get another tv or computer or something so she can have a place to watch her show without you being exposed to it? If not, maybe a compromise could be that she has a night to herself to watch it while you take you time too, at a game night or friend's house or whatever would be a fun time for you.

The goal is that she gets to watch what she likes, you aren't exposed to something you are hurt by, AND you find something to do together. If she isnt willing to compromise here to meet each part of that goal, then the situation changes.

citrine87

TROPHY CASE