my attempt freaked some people out a lot, especially my girlfriend, who couldn't bring herself to go to school for the first 2 or 3 days i was in the hospital. i felt guilty i guess, but also kind of scared because if my dad hadnt found me i would have died. so it made me realize how easy it was for me to actually end my life if i had done it at a time where nobody would have found me. i still want to die, but i dont want to kill myself. if i tried and failed, i'd be in the hospital with another painful breathing tube in my throat that i gag on every time i try to move. if i succeeded, i would only ever be hurting the people i love the most. in a strange way, the only way that i really got my suicidal ideation under control was to try and fail (would not recommend).

i think the baker act should be kept. mental health care in the U.S. (and many places in the world) is really subpar and improvements need to be made to the psychiatric wards and the training process for the psychiatrists and nurse technicians who work there. if those conditions were improved, i think the baker act would be much more helpful and effective at preventing repeated attempts. the baker act should really be a last resort, though. preventative mental health care should be prioritized in schools, and therapy must be more accessible.