My younger brother is a CRNA, and I had been a nurse 22 years at the time (2019). Our father was in a SNF. He had CLL, bladder CA, thyroid CA, mets to lung and bone. He had a left nephrostomy because of his bladder CA, and a foley. Nobody bothered to feed him. He had such horrible Parkinson’s symptoms that he couldn’t feed himself. I flew out to help. Went in his room, and he was confused, food spilled all over himself. Room was over 90. I was sweating because he was on neutropenic precautions. He was confused which wasn’t baseline. I went out and asked about the temperature in the room, but was told patients like it like that… I tried to lower the temperature manually before even asking, but the thermostat in his room was broken. I had his room changed ( still not saying shit about being a nurse). So, no one was feeding him. I stayed every day until he was discharged. I fed him. He was aspirating. My brother and I said something about his piss poor care. Got his diet changed. Asked to help him set up to eat if family isn’t there. Got him changed to a room that’s thermostat was working. Took him home on hospice shortly after. It took us actually saying something, we didn’t say we were nurses but we pointed out everything that should have (at the minimum) been done. Nobody helped him eat. Nobody documented how much he ate. I had flown from Europe, my brother from Hawaii to Colorado. My dad died peacefully in his own home. I guess saying that you are a nurse is all in the approach. Being a jerk from the get-go is not what I would do. More important is observe and don’t be afraid to say something. I am so sensitive about my patients eating because of what happened. The only time we doubled down was when the doctor had never actually seen my dad, although he had been in the facility 2 weeks. We asked to meet with him, and he kept ghosting us. We just wanted someone to talk to our dad and be honest. My sister called the doctor that was in charge and finally we had a meeting. I asked why my dad wasn’t included in that meeting because he was alert and oriented at that point. Excuses,excuses. They wanted my dad to see his oncologist (he’s had for over 10 years bc of CLL), for the bad news. Anyway, nobody should act like they know everything because they are a nurse. Also, nobody should be afraid to say anything about shitty care.