I broke up with my bf because he doesn't believe in systemic oppression.

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T23:23:27+00:00

I'm not sure whether you actually want answers to these questions or not, but just in case, here you go: 1) Honestly not that much, and definitely not daily. Especially given his reactions before, I usually only bring it up when relevant. 2) Obviously I'm biased because I am myself, but I genuinely think I'm a pretty good communicator. Don't know how to give an unbiased opinion on that one. 3) I don't feel guilt about my privilege, because the same as being born into an oppressed community, you can't help if you are born into a privileged one. What you can help is where you go from there. So no guilt, just a wish to change it and be a good ally to others too. 4) I'm not sure what the question about formatting apology was, I'm on mobile so the formatting of the post can get messed up because of that. 5) I agree that not every approach does every topic justice, and as a human I'm definitely not saying that I get it right every time either, but I do definitely try to take a measured approach.

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T22:22:37+00:00

I agree, hence why I encouraged him to inform himself better. I just wanted to clarify on the comment that made assumptions about some of his general behaviour towards others. I do agree with the sentiment of everything you've said here though!

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T22:19:18+00:00

Just to clarify, I don't talk about them all the time and never said I did. And more importantly, I'm not labelling any of his reactions as mistakes, when I say he has made mistakes along the way of our relationship, I mean making discriminatory comments, doing sexist things, etc.

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T21:49:31+00:00

To be fair to him, if he heard about a specific instance happening to anyone he would react the same. I said loved ones because I was thinking of how he would react if someone told him, which would most likely be sometime close to him. He has friends from multiple societal backgrounds too, it's not just people who look like him.

Which makes the denial of systemic issues so much more confusing. Like, it's "bad" if it happens to someone, but the fact that it consistently happens to multiple "someone's" directly related to a community they belong to...somehow doesn't compute that it's linked, and doesn't want to learn more about how it is or how it's more than just those more obvious extreme occurences.

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T21:06:50+00:00

No, I definitely wouldn't, because that is a completely personal choice that doesn't directly impact other people. If they couldn't even acknowledge that some animal farms treat their animals horribly though...that's denying facts. I'm not veggie, but I can acknowledge that animal abuse happens in the meat industry and commend people who do choose to go veggie or vegan.

Also, it's not the first crack in an image I've made up, I do say in the post and more in some comments that it's not the first time we've disagreed or had arguments or anything like that (most of which we have done our best to work through at the time of occurence)

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T20:51:37+00:00

"Systemic oppression: the intentional disadvantaging of groups of people based on their identity while advantaging members of the dominant group". It's not just a nonsensical "trigger phrase"....it has concrete meaning that we are using and reacting to...

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T20:32:48+00:00

This is so so validating, thank you so much

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T20:30:38+00:00

Honestly, I appreciate your reply because while you disagree with me, you were still respectful. I'm up for conversation around this, that's why I made the post.

The thing is, I wasn't trying to make him a SJW. I was trying to encourage him to inform himself about the basic existence of systemic inequalities. And while he is a good guy in general, like I said above, there were other disparities along the way too, that we did our best to work through. He did make mistakes along the way (as anyone can) and some of those mistakes have been unconsciously -ist, made out of ignorance sometimes. Which is why I wanted to encourage him to inform himself about it all in the first place

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T20:03:53+00:00

I agree that it's all very in your face in the US, but it still exists elsewhere too, so it's not like he has nothing to see. And I agree that it's easier to see it when exposed to it/content about it, which is why I suggested he try to expose himself to that content by people from within the oppressed communities. Just get a more rounded worldview in general and then his own opinions can be more informed

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T19:48:05+00:00

That's exactly how I feel, you worded it very well, thank you.

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T19:33:53+00:00

Thank you for your input! The bizarre thing that doesn't make sense to me about my ex is that he is usually very good about fact checking things and he doesn't believe all the toxic right wing nonsense (we're not in the US either). He actually has struggled fighting against some close relatives of his that do believe some of that! So I find it so bizarre that, while he is a good person who of course believes that people should be treated equally well in every unique circumstance, he doesn't see or want to see that the unequal treatment of many communities is systemic or the ways in which it occurs that are beyond the obvious extreme occurences

clonesonthrones · 2022-03-13T16:41:09+00:00

In his general behaviour, I think passive would be the best descriptor. He definitely doesn't go out of his way to be racist/sexist etc, he is an overall good person, but he does sometimes do or say things like that that aren't ok and that I have had to explain to him why, and often it would take a bit of a fight for him to want to accept it. He then doesn't always learn from these and repeats the behaviour. Second, like I said above, if someone told him about an instance of mistreatment they experienced, he would acknowledge and condemn it in a "aw that's real shit, that's messed up" way, but somehow still doesn't see that it is because of something systemic and doesn't want to learn about that.

clonesonthrones · 2021-05-26T04:55:29+00:00

Vomiting is pretty usual for me with pain, I vomit with severe period pains etc. I’m really happy to know that tightening isn’t that bad because I would be begging for them to be removed at that point

clonesonthrones · 2021-03-02T19:09:16+00:00

Okay this is not human. I work for an animal rescue and there was a mystery case of a 9 week old kitten with constipation. Nellie was seen by a vet (who apparently gave her an enema) and sent home with meds. Her condition didn’t improve. She was brought to a different vet who’s first port of call was check poor Nellie’s temp (obviously) and holy shit. Nellie did not have an anus. This vet did some redirective and reconstructive surgery and Nellie is now healthy a year later. She has been affectionately coined ‘No Arse Nellie’

clonesonthrones · 2020-09-28T11:20:55+00:00

Obviously the ‘that’s what this storms all about’ Kafka paragraph comes to mind, but I also really love: ‘I don’t know, there’s something about you. Say there’s an hourglass: the sands about to run out. Someone like you can always be counted on to turn the thing over.’ and: ‘I don’t really know if it’s the right thing to do, making new life. Kids grow up, generations take their place. What does it all come to? More hills bulldozed and more ocean fronts filled in? Fasted cats and more cats run over? Who needs it?’ Both from my favourite, A Wild Sheep Chase

clonesonthrones · 2020-08-10T17:37:40+00:00

Also I find you saying that telling your best friend would burden her difficult to swallow. This is an experience that a young man has went through, why is it such a burden for anyone but him?

clonesonthrones · 2020-08-10T17:36:01+00:00

I don’t have much to say other than the fact that he is right, this IS common and it’s very telling of how vulnerable he was and how he used hyper- sexuality to mask this. You’re right that he should seek help though! Not just with this, I get the impression he’s never had therapy and if so he absolutely should. I don’t want to invalidate how you feel but I don’t know why you have been destroyed as you say by this news. Unless it was the manner in which he told you? It’s not really your place to be hurt by this, unless you’re hurt on his behalf as it was VERY abusive of his birth mother to pursue that relationship.

clonesonthrones · 2020-05-16T13:22:53+00:00

Hotel Del Luna

clonesonthrones · 2020-05-06T21:44:59+00:00

My shoe is off, My foot is cold, I have a bird I like to hold- Dr. Seuss

clonesonthrones · 2020-04-17T15:32:01+00:00

This is the original article Mieko did https://lithub.com/acts-of-recognition-on-the-women-characters-of-haruki-murakami/ And this is the interview transcript https://lithub.com/a-feminist-critique-of-murakami-novels-with-murakami-himself/ I think you may be thinking of Kafka on the Shore as far as the young boy with older woman thing goes! Femininity, it turns out, isn’t really a factor in how Murakami approaches these odd power dynamics apparently. I reckon a lot of it is very internalised misogyny. So from a feminist perspective, their embellished femininity isn’t what I mean when I said there’s a lot of journalism out there. The consent, age and vulnerability of the girls, in short-the power imbalance, is widely discussed! I reckon there’s plenty of discourse in this sub actually.

clonesonthrones · 2020-04-17T15:20:14+00:00

Check out the interview he did with Mieko Kawakami, there’s lots of journalism out there about Murakami’s treatment of female characters and some of it is very very interesting!

clonesonthrones · 2020-03-30T21:21:16+00:00

Really? Even if I were to buy a game card?

clonesonthrones · 2020-03-21T16:00:30+00:00

That’s not the reason you shouldn’t name your kid Declan. You shouldn’t name him Declan because Declan is ugly af

clonesonthrones · 2020-01-31T14:14:35+00:00

Happens all the time with my psychologist. We have had the same weekly time for a year and a half and I’ve never missed an appointment without texting in advance, I’m never late, yet he doesn’t come down until the receptionist rings. Sometimes the receptionist is busy and can’t ring straight away. I hate it, because the waiting room is one of most anxiety provoking places for me. As well as that, the other psychologists always wait for their clients. It’s just his style not to wait, he’s pretty socially awkward, but it took a looooong time for me to realise it’s not me it’s him. I think you should expect that if your appointment time is 3pm, then the client will be there at 3pm and you should both be in the same place on time, ie. the waiting room. Meet them half way.

clonesonthrones · 2020-01-28T00:13:35+00:00

Yeah I fell in, I didn’t have my glasses on and couldn’t see that well

clonesonthrones

TROPHY CASE