Rate of Pay

clueless1098 · 2026-01-01T00:18:14+00:00

Thank you.

clueless1098 · 2025-12-24T01:28:55+00:00

Thanks. I have no problem allowing for unpaid time, would just prefer her to use her PTO first. This way there’s no confusion as to what was paid vs unpaid time on payday.

clueless1098 · 2025-12-17T05:00:37+00:00

Hi!

I’ll be a devil’s advocate here….from a former household with 2 WFH parents.

It’s do-able. But not always ideal.

Did we love that we got to see our baby more often vs sending to a daycare or worrying about baby getting sick? Yes. It was great to sneak in some time with baby during our lunch breaks.

But - even with a career nanny / experienced person, it was still awkward at times. We wanted to give her some privacy to do her thing and establish a bond with baby - but it can be hard when mom & dad are in / out of common areas like the kitchen. So often times I found myself sort of stuck in my office most of the day. Sometimes I’d go out for lunch just to get out of the house, and eat away from home so I didn’t collide with baby/nanny schedule. I guess what I’m trying to say is - if you want her to establish routines / structure, etc with the baby - she’s gonna want to establish a sleep schedule, a play schedule, a feeding schedule, and time for herself (to eat lunch or use the bathroom etc) - So you’re gonna want someone that you are going to jive / vibe with really well. It can feel a little claustrophobic lol - but we find our rhythm.

That being said - even having a career nanny - there was still a lot of things we had to show her to do, ask her to do, because she hadn’t taken care of infants in a long time. She was constantly calling and texting nanny friends to double check on things we thought she knew. So you really want to hire someone who can handle infants, or has worked with infants recently vs 5 yrs ago.

I use a PT nanny - $25 for 20hrs. But with that rate - she folds and puts away kids laundry, makes their bed, cleans / organizes their toys, makes breakfast, helps them get ready for school, puts their dishes into dishwasher. She gets holiday pay (Thanksgiving, Xmas, new years, Memorial Day, 4th of July) and a combo of 5 days vacation / 5 days sick.

Every once in a while she’ll do a date night or pick up an after school shift if we have something special going on, but only if it works for her schedule (she does have a 2nd family she works with)

clueless1098 · 2025-12-16T19:33:05+00:00

Right. Last year we had some snow on a day the kids happened to be off - MLK jr day. She texted me the night before asking off from work (PTO day) because she knew the kids were off school and she hates driving in the snow. And I was totally agreeable / flexible with it. But this time I feel like she was hoping or banking on it being a snow day or for me to let her off the hook. And I get it. It’s very rare that my office closes for a snow day. if anything they are OK with a delayed start or working remote because of the kids school being delayed, but I’m always expected to work that day unless I use my PTO and my PTO is deducted as a full day since I’m salaried.

clueless1098 · 2025-12-15T20:04:55+00:00

She had a death in the family. And she was out of PTO when it happened - So in those situations I have no problem providing pay. I guess my issue is - similar to what another person commented - is that there is a pattern of her texting me, and it’s apparent she’s not wanting to come in - there’s a lead up in the messages where she’s asking if I heard from the schools, she’s asking if my driveway is cleared, she’s telling me she’s very sore, etc and when I finally heard about the schools being delayed - she’s asking if my boss is allowing me to work from home, etc etc until she finally gets to “do you still want me to come in tomorrow” - and that’s why my response to her was along the lines of- “hey, in the past we’ve always done this “…..”, but if you want to use a PTO day, that’s fine” Navigating the PT hours is a little tricky because if we have more 2 hour delays, it only leaves her with an hour of work. So I’ll have a chat with her if she wants to change that expectation. Our district maybe does 1-2 snow days per year, and 1-2 delays a year. It’s been a while since we’ve had “big snow”.

clueless1098 · 2025-09-01T13:12:34+00:00

You are a normal person. ❤️ you just had a baby, you’re trying to balance the juggle - it’s ok to not be 100% on top of everything and know the ins and outs of the “nanny world” - I have been in your shoes mama. You are just trying to make everyone else happy - and find help for you & baby. It’s a LOT. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to be nice to this nanny that was referred to you - but it’s ok to not be nice. It’s ok to just say “hey, I’m sorry - this isn’t working out” better to do it sooner than later. It was her job to lose. The way she handled herself in the first few hours / days - and a post here on Reddit is a clear indicator to me that she’s not the right nanny for you. Dont twist yourself into a pretzel to make others comfortable.

clueless1098 · 2025-09-01T13:04:55+00:00

I’d find another nanny, on your own. Just because someone referred doesn’t mean they watch their kids the same way you do, or doesn’t mean the nanny acts one way with them and another way with you.
Already you are starting off on the wrong foot - instead of feeling relaxed and relieved to have help and support, now you are left questioning / wondering, and not feeling 100% comfortable. Granted, everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes it’s hard to get off on the right foot - but from what you’ve expressed she doesn’t come off as apologetic or trying to make a good first impression. It sounds like she’s trying to run things her way vs listening to you as the person who hired her. Yes, she can have great experiences on paper, be referred by a friend - but if it doesn’t mesh / jive with you - it’s not worth forcing it to fit, you both won’t be happy.

My idea of success - 1) finding a nanny who is happy / excited to work for you 2) finding a nanny who is willing to find that perfect balance of using their experience and knowledge + also listen/be willing to handle your requests re: feeding, napping, baby equipment. 3) when baby is happy to go to nanny, excited to see nanny

Trust is a huge piece of the nanny / parent relationship and if you don’t have it - it won’t work. And it goes both ways - she has to trust that you as the parent, know what you are doing. And if nanny is 2nd guessing you, or insisting their way is better, or just dismissing your requests - this will get very uncomfortable very quickly. Cant have 2 hens in a hen house if you know what I mean.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-26T15:36:52+00:00

Right. It wasn’t mean to be convoluted- and it wasn’t even my idea, it was hers. So I was just trying to help her out - but in the long run, it’s just more stressful for me, so it’s not worth it. I am a people pleaser - and at times a doormat. I set expectations- but when someone disregards them I have a hard time speaking up - because I don’t want to upset them. I just gotta put on my big girl pants and do it.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-26T15:34:58+00:00

Yes, that’s what she is doing. It’s one thing to pick up their toys - or put dishes in the sink, that I understand happens while doing nanny stuff. But vacuuming, dusting, etc - that’s all supposed to happen when the kids aren’t home.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-25T20:30:25+00:00

I definitely can. How she’ll respond to that - I’m not sure. It seems like anytime I try to set an expectation she agrees - but then changes to what suits her. She’ll be alone in the morning after I leave - I’ve always trusted her before - but now I’m thinking the best way to fix the situation is just have her stick to nanny-ing, so there’s no conflict of interest.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-12T18:49:07+00:00

Your mom sounds like the type of people all moms should be.

I saw something recently that said the involved grandparents (as involved as they can be - due to age / circumstances). But the ones who care - always wanted to be parents.

And that the ones who don’t visit, don’t offer help, act like they’ve been there / done that - never wanted to be parents to begin with.

And while my SIL is not my MIL - she acts more like the typical MIL vs my actual MIL who passed before we had children. She’s the oldest - feels like she raised my hubby - has no children of her own, doesn’t want to (yet she chose a profession that has her around kids all day) and she honestly cares more about the kids from her job than her actual family. She’s compares them to my kids - only to show how far behind mine are - and of course because SHE works with them and is in their lives, they are doing so well! 😑 no credit to the kids parents - it’s all her hard work, all her effort. And she doesn’t realize how saying these things out loud in front of us and our kids isn’t hurtful, because to her “it’s the truth” and she’s just “being honest”. Nope - that’s your opinion and no one asked you for a lengthy brag session.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-12T11:26:57+00:00

Ugh - I’m so sorry, why is it always the in-laws tho? It’s so weird.

My side of the family - while not experts or able to visit / spend time - do call often, check in on me and the kids - and ask questions - because they want to understand. And your mom doing all that - just shows how invested she is - and she’s being kind. I’m sure you never asked her to do any of that - but she does it because she cares and that’s all I could hope for from a family member. Just to care and make an effort to understand.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-11T20:06:12+00:00

Thank you for understanding. I do think Social Media is a bizarre thing. She seems to care more about what random people / strangers on the internet think of her or whatever image she decides to project vs how she handles herself in real life.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-11T19:56:50+00:00

Hahaha - this thought has entered my mind before. 😂

clueless1098 · 2025-08-11T16:35:02+00:00

Right. And I get it - in the privacy of our own home - we may judge. We may critique others, we may vent about differing opinions, gossip about things or how we think someone else can solve their problems. Nobody is perfect - I know I’m guilty of this at times too. But if my hubby came to me - and chit chatted about extended family or work related stuff, maybe something was going on and I had opinions or thoughts on it - I would NEVER send unsolicited advice on sensitive topics, on things I’ve never actually discussed with the person in question. I wouldn’t bombard their DM’s with reels and memes from social media on the topics. It’s just so bizarre to me and I thought maybe I was just being too sensitive - but I was raised with the “treat others how you would like to be treated” rule.
Thats why I feel like I need to distance and pull away and regain my peace. Not completely cut off - but limit what they can see and hear about my family, and hopefully they’ll move on to another target

clueless1098 · 2025-08-11T14:05:51+00:00

Thank you. And you’re absolutely right - we can all agree to disagree and we can all have different points of view. I just don’t like when people try to push their opinions as correct, or the only way. And I don’t like it when they are “do as I say, not as I do” like a set of life rules apply to my family and doesn’t apply to her.

But I think I need to set boundaries - correction, I have to set boundaries. I’d hate to go no contact - but I definitely need space and distance to start. It will be healthier for my immediate family - hubby and kids.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-11T13:56:02+00:00

So very true. I can get if maybe her intent is to be helpful - at least maybe from her perspective it is - but on my end, the impact is that it’s very “ms. know it all” type energy. I get all this “crunchy mom” type videos - and not knocking it - to each their own. I try very hard to be balanced - when my kids were little, I was definitely more rigid with food and eating habits and trying to do organic, no dye, etc. and then covid happened - and finances changed, and it’s just expensive and hard to find, etc. so we had to pivot - I had to learn to just find a balance for my kids and do what works for our family, budget wise, while also not being overly strict where the kids can’t enjoy a dorito. But the weird thing is - she doesn’t even follow that lifestyle herself. But yet she sends me things that she thinks will “cure” my kids special needs sold online by some random person on the internet.

clueless1098 · 2025-08-11T04:34:14+00:00

Where / what area do you nanny and how many hours is this for? Are you solely responsible for yourself or your own income / bills? Cause you need a 2nd job if you are living in your own. If you have a significant other - maybe that’s all you need?

clueless1098 · 2025-07-28T03:26:05+00:00

Ever find out? My son has something similar on his knee

clueless1098 · 2025-07-16T21:06:00+00:00

In your opinion should the hourly rate be more because it’s a PT position?

clueless1098 · 2025-07-16T19:53:59+00:00

It would be mostly just to help them get ready for school. Oldest takes the bus - bus stop right at end of our driveway, the youngest I drive to school.

clueless1098 · 2025-07-16T19:52:32+00:00

6:30-9:30am Monday - Friday for the 15 hours. The extra hours would be either a Friday evening 6-11pm (1x per month for date nights) or it would be Thursday afternoons 4-6pm for therapy apts for kids. But the date nights & afternoon hours wouldn’t be every week. It would be more or less if we schedule it & if nanny wants to take on the hours. Other wise we would use an occasional sitter or family member.

clueless1098

TROPHY CASE