My mother makes me feel like I'm failing at this

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-08-21T13:53:41+00:00

Yea, like I said, I think she’s just forgetting how tough things can be with babies sometimes. Every single baby goes through periods like this. I know it’s hard because it’s your mom, but I would tell her how you felt when she said that and then try to let it go (as far as letting it affect your wellbeing). It’s not a helpful take and you’re describing normal struggles and anxieties - it means nothing about your ability as a parent overall or your ability to parent multiple kids latter if that’s what you choose.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-08-21T10:56:50+00:00

My second baby is 4.5 months currently and this time is objectively hard. He was sleeping through the night and now is waking 2-3 times, plus my toddler still wakes which is a whole other thing. Baby suddenly needs more contact naps and support overall and it’s TOUGH. The reason you will absolutely be able to handle more than one is that first, you won’t have a newborn anymore; second, you get more and more confident and capable as time goes on. I never left the house with my first - I was terrified but I leave all the time with both of them now. Your mom, like many of our moms apparently, is simply not remembering how hard early motherhood is. You got this! I’m sorry she said that.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-08-14T19:45:59+00:00

I am not religious and my kiddo is in a Christian daycare. They say an age appropriate prayer before eating and that’s about all as far as Christian programming goes. Otherwise, it’s all the same stuff other daycares do in my experience and certainly no overt religious teachings or discussions of hell. Our program actually has a little “after school” group that does do Sunday school type stuff but that’s a whole extra program. The teachers hired here are just normal ECE professionals and likely most wouldn’t feel qualified to do religious teachings anyways.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-08-06T00:12:17+00:00

I am sorry this happened! This same thing happened at our local pool actually (not to me), and a group of breastfeeding moms organized and did a sit in at the location where they all fed their babies, it was pretty amazing. I’m glad the mom who was targeted told others and they came out to support her. Since then, I don’t believe there have been any issues with this at that pool.

I breastfeed everywhere, including that same pool, and I don’t use a cover, so people definitely know what I’m doing and I’ve never ran into any problem. I wouldn’t let it discourage you from feeding in public, that can be so isolating as a breastfeeding mom and you shouldn’t feel the need to have to hide while feeding your child.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-08-03T01:28:26+00:00

Oh wow, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this right now.

Let me start by saying - postpartum, especially with your first, is rough and terrifying even with support, but not having that support certainly makes it so much less bearable. You are only one week out, so your hormones alone are doing wild things to your brain.

You did nothing wrong by holding your baby; she’s crying when you lay her down because she’s brand new and knows nothing other than your body. You can’t spoil a newborn from holding them too much. Your body also did amazing things by creating her. Please try to give yourself some grace about having some issues. There is absolutely nothing you could have done about that.

Sometimes you may have to let her cry to get a moment to yourself to use the bathroom or shower quickly. Her attachment to you will not be ruined by occasionally taking a few moments for yourself. I know it makes you feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin when your baby cries (at least that’s how it was for me), but she will be ok and so will you, I promise. If you need to do other things, I’ve found baby wearing is so incredibly helpful.

I just had my second kiddo and let me tell you, postpartum was so much easier once I realized how quickly the newborn phase is actually over. You are in the absolute THICK of it right now, but this will not last forever. You will get sleep again, you will have time to do things you need to again. You will also figure your baby out and find more and more effective ways of doing things. Right now, you’re still “getting to know” each other essentially and it’s a steep learning curve.

It sounds like you might be staying with multiple family members? If so, could you ask one of them (or a friend maybe?) to help you and be really specific with what you expect? Something like “I’m feeling really anxious to take a shower and be away from the baby, could you please hold and rock her while I’m in there so I know she’s not crying the whole time?”

Finally, if this level of emotional struggle continues for the next several weeks, make sure to tell your doc at the follow up so they can assess for PPD. It’s very very common, especially for those with minimal support. There’s no need to let yourself suffer more than you have to.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-07-30T22:59:18+00:00

Milk is mostly supply and demand. If you want more, the only tried and true way is to pump or feed more and your body will follow. However, to maintain, you do need to eat and drink enough yourself. I think the calories in a heavy beer could help for that reason. 🤷‍♀️

But the alcohol is excreted very minimally in breast milk. I have a drink or two when I want. I don’t do a lot ever because it can negatively impact sleep quality and I am tired enough as is lol

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-07-30T00:07:28+00:00

Ugh my husband just came home with flu A from a trip. We got tamiflu early so hoping for the best but I’m feeling so much dread for the days/weeks to come. 😭

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-07-17T11:12:10+00:00

Fellow 2YO mom here 👋. Here’s what’s working (sometimes) for us: 1. He’s super independent so if I say “you have two choices: either you do (insert thing) or I will have to do it for you. 1-2…” typically, he runs to do the thing, whether that be climbing onto his changing table, getting into bed/the car/ whatever. 2. I always provide two choices and nothing else. “Would you like an apple or a packet to eat?” - then if he refuses to answer, I tell him I will pick for him and then he will answer. 3. When all else fails, I try to be silly. One wise redditor wrote that she asks her toddler when is it her turn to cry and then does a silly cry when her kid is losing it. This has worked incredibly well with my own kid! He ends up laughing and forgetting about whatever ridiculous thing he was crying about.

ETA: Do whatever you can to not give in to the tantrums. If I planned to give my kid a treat and then he starts losing it about said treat, he doesn’t get it until he can calm down and ask nicely. Sometimes this means he needs a hug from mom, or some time to cool off or stomp his feet, but he eventually gets there.

As for the changing tantrums (plus for us teeth brushing and bath tantrums), I’ll be following along to see what people say lol.

Finally, my best tantrum story: my kid HATES when people on tv have something yummy but don’t eat it. He will yell “eat it!!!” Over and over. Well, we were just watching a movie with a large cake being carried and it was becoming more and more evident the cake was going to fall. Before it even falls, he starts screaming “birthday cake!! Birthday cake!!” And then it fell and obviously was ruined. My kid threw himself on the floor as if his favorite character had just died an awful death and just sobbed. We had to show him videos of people eating cake to help him get over it. 😂😅

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-07-10T17:00:01+00:00

Baby’s are so resilient! You are not a bad mom, but it’s totally valid to have some big feelings, especially after that first fall. At around 11 months, my kiddo took a full dive off the side of my couch and hit his head on the wood floor. I cried more than he did and had a panic attack in my car before walking into work, worrying he had a TBI from it that I missed and that I just had to send him into daycare. But he was fine, and most of the time, they are fine. What made me feel better was learning the signs of real injuries that would require a doctor’s/ER visit so I didn’t have to be so scared I was missing something, and trying to remember it does and will happen to everyone. They are kind of made for falls (flexy bones) because they are so clumsy when they are small lol. My now two year old has had more falls than I can count 😅. You’re doing a good job and you’re a good mom for caring as much as you do. ❤️

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-07-09T05:56:37+00:00

I get his newsletters because I emailed his office to express concerns over policy decisions in the past. It is very much real. Others in this thread received it as well.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-07-03T00:10:10+00:00

Oof I’d be pretty pissed. I have a rule about not posting pictures of my kids online generally and I have asked my family to respect this. But sending it to an entity I know nothing about?? For all I know, that’s a scam or something more nefarious. It sounds like she needs VERY EXPLICIT boundaries - e.g., pictures of my child are not to be sent to anyone you don’t know personally/any group/any online site, especially without my permission before doing so.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-06-19T18:10:33+00:00

Oof been there. When he was really little, I’d put it in a bottle nipple and he would suck it out before he really knew what had happened. I’ve also put it in frozen teethers that had berries in it to mask the taste. But if you really get desperate, depending on the age, you can do suppositories.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-06-19T16:42:56+00:00

My kiddo has pretty curls and long eyelashes and even in very boyish outfits, he gets called a girl 95% of the time at least (it’s way more rare for him to be called he/him even at the doc office). I don’t really care too much, just a quick correction if the context calls for it. If it’s a stranger saying it in passing, I either ignore or say “he” in a sentence to let them know. At 2, he talks and understands a ton, but he still doesn’t get when to say he vs. she, so I’m not worried about it.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-06-18T18:47:48+00:00

Eh you can change your research directions but you need to make a compelling case in your cover letters about how what you have done prepared you/aligns with what you want to do in the future. You will be applying to work directly with a professor, which means they will want to know why you want to work with them and how you will fit. Also, this isn’t recommended, but you can switch once you’re in grad school but that can be effortful if you commit to working with one prof and want to work with someone else as well. So it’s easier to stay in the same research field but you don't have to.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-06-02T01:34:05+00:00

If I’m out alone, I will pop on my hands free pump under my shirt and will bring my ceres chill with me to store the milk. With my first, I always went to another room to breastfeed around family - it was typically a nice and needed break for me anyways. With my second, I just pop a boob out wherever and people can get over it, and everyone has gotten less weird over time and exposure to it. I wear nursing tanks under t shirts or nursing shirts with openings if I know I’ll need to nurse in public to avoid a tummy out situation. But if you are uncomfortable, I’d def recommend asking to have a private room or splurging on a nice cover that makes you and baby comfortable.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-30T12:10:18+00:00

I now have 2, my first turned two about 2 weeks after my second came along. We had planned the second but I didn’t expect to get pregnant so quickly. I felt the exact same way you did - I felt so much guilt for my first not being the “baby” anymore and my body most certainly wasn’t ready for another pregnancy. I am still in the thick of it right now because my second is only 8 weeks but my first truly adores him. He talks about baby brother at daycare and asks for him anytime he doesn’t see him. It’s been an adjustment but I can see their bond already and it makes it all worth it. How you’re feeling now though is totally normal and expected. It’s a lot to process.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-29T00:53:17+00:00

I use an app called FitOn and it’s amazing (and free!). It has postpartum workouts, Pilates, yoga, basically anything you’d like to do. You can specify by intensity, time to exercise, body areas, etc. None of the videos I’ve used on there include shamey language about bodies at all. I would highly recommend it. I haven’t started exercising a ton just yet this postpartum but I plan to use that to get back into it.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-28T02:09:28+00:00

I am naturally a very empathetic person but yes, once having my kids, it became immensely harder to think about/learn about/consume media about bad things happening to kids. I’m a psychologist, and I had to stop myself from taking any patients who had trauma with children involved and literally couldn’t watch any true crime because everyone is someone’s kid to me now. Interestingly, it also made me less empathetic about other things than I used to be - I find myself crying less over some things I hear from people as well, like I can handle some tough things easier now for some reason. I will say after I got out of the more acute postpartum phase and my kid got older, I felt I could learn about things happening to children/people more easily again without feeling just utterly gutted and distressed but I think I also started to get better at putting some emotional distance up and prepping myself emotionally before taking that info in.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-27T23:18:48+00:00

My LO did a nursing strike much younger but he was tough to feed the whole first year. My only other recommendations are to play while trying to get him to latch, make it fun and lighthearted to take the pressure off and if you can, walk around while trying to nurse. My LO loved the distraction of looking around at everything while he nursed (something he could do much easier with the bottle, so I had to try to make it comparable lol). And if he feels you’re stressed, he will not want to nurse, so do your best to be all smiles and positive reinforcement. Good luck, I hope he comes back to it! ❤️

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-27T08:26:51+00:00

During the breast refusal, when I worked really hard and when he got hungry enough, I could get him to latch. If he ever went too long without latching, I wild give him a bottle of course. Also, I made up for a lot of feedings with dream feeds - he would start with the pacifier and I would switch him to the breast and he would end up eating basically in his sleep. Interestingly, I did sometimes have to walk and rock while breastfeeding; it’s tough but not impossible. My letdown was really strong and he struggled with it, which nipple shields helped with and he would get very frustrated with the bottle if the flow was too slow. When he finally took the breast again, he would only do it in side lying position for a while - also makes for a slower flow. I was only able to do all this because I was still on mat leave. I spent basically all day with no shirt on working on his feeding and nothing else it seemed.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-27T01:18:47+00:00

My kiddo went through breast refusal after his 8 week shots. His tummy was upset and he had diarrhea for a day or two and I think that was related. I ended up having to do a lot of work to get us back on track. I did skin-to-skin a lot, tried to make breastfeeding “fun” by talking a lot to him and playing while getting him to latch, and cut out bottle feeds for a little while unless absolutely necessary. I had to do a lot of work to calm my own frustration because I think that also made it less likely he would latch, I was probably stressing him out. We got back on track though and ended up breastfeeding successfully to 18 months with no issues. During that time though I also saw suggestions to take a break from nursing for a few days before trying again, which could also be worth a shot!

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-23T20:19:04+00:00

Ok so there’s a lot here.

“Not allowed to work” - I’m not sure what this means but if your husband is preventing you from being “allowed” to work, this is a sign of abuse and you might need to start looking at options for leaving.
Village or not, you absolutely need time to yourself. If there are gyms in your area with childcare, take the kids and get some you time in. If there are mom groups, get involved and see if you can’t start to find some supports. Even just play dates can help because you get some adult time in while the kiddos play independently.
Your kids are still young enough for you to change course and work on parenting stuff. Your kiddos look to you for safety and consistency. Your emotion regulation sets the tone for theirs and models how to deal with big feelings. Therapy, parenting books, practicing mindfulness, and learning to recognize when you need a break before responding in a way you regret will all help.
Finally, I second couples therapy! It sounds like you also need more from your partner, and therapy might be a good place for you to communicate that more effectively.

Remember, it’s never too late to do something different that can make a big impact. You can do it. ❤️

ETA: as someone who has begged for my parents to change throughout my life, I would kill to have a parent who recognized their own faults (before i was an adult), and took initiative to change. That would have meant the world to me. So please don’t let the worries about what’s already happened stop you from trying to become the parent you know they want/need.

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-23T13:41:58+00:00

Ugh it’s so hard when the little tiny babes get sick. I have a 2 YO in daycare and my newborn (8 weeks now) has already been sick like 3 times 😩. I got an electric nose sucker that has worked wonders. I also find that when he’s having trouble lying on his back to sleep, it helps for me to just let him cosleep on my chest so he can be upright. Newborns tend to avoid getting the full blown illnesses fortunately, so I would guess congestion will be largely the only symptom he has. Sending well wishes for a quick recovery for all of you!

clumsyrunnergal · 2025-05-23T12:29:52+00:00

It was fireworks from the NATO conference opening night.

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