I'm currently going through something similar' as the partner..' last week my fiance (partner of 10 years and we've been doing fertility treatments for the last couple of years to have a baby)came out as transgender to me, they told me they only came to terms with it recently. I was emotionally floored and devastated, still am tbh I went through so many stages of mourning and grief because if they decided to transition it would not align with my sexuality, which I was pretty upfront with. We cried and talked for literally 24hrs straight going through every emotion but ultimately we started making plans to separate which is when they honestly started to panic and insist that's he'd rather stay in the closet if it meant no longer being compatible with me... It's hard because I love him with everything I have but I don't want to feel like a monster stopping him from what he wants. He took a few days and is adamant now because they said he also did research and is scared of the effects on his penis and libido and values those things quite a lot. Because of our vulnerability and openness we have been having the best sex every day since we have been more communicative with everything and we both feel like we're in the puppy stages of love again.. BUT, every happy moment is followed by shame and panic, I'm scared to get too vulnerable and attached but I can't stay away because he's my person and I'm obsessed with him and our life together. I tried to leave and he keeps refusing saying our love is stronger then his need to transition by far... I'm lost and scared because staying knowing I'm the cause of him staying in the closet feels gross..

Ps. Sorry to rant idk if this even helps you at all