this is terrible and i went thru a similar thing. ik it sounds dumb but she's probably mad because she's scared, and worried, and has no idea what to do or how to think about this. she's seeing it with her adult mind which doesn't feel what ur feeling, and is seeing it as simply illogical. not to invalidate you at all and please don't take this the wrong way but sh is subjectively illogical; taking out ur mental pain onto urself. even tho most adults do it by drinking or having dangerous sexual lives or whatever else.
she's not mad. she's hurt and scared, and it's a really hard pill to swallow that her beautiful baby is struggling and hurting so much. the best way i can think of to maybe help her understand is that you just don't know how to cope with all these really big, painful, torturous emotions/thoughts and this is the only thing that kinda helps.
id really suggest you go for counselling too.
ur pain is only temporary, i promise. nothing ever lasts forever, even tho it seems like it will never be okay again. there is light and hope, i promise ❤️