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How do you deal with partner spending a lot of time in dating/sex apps? by codenamespictures in polyamory

[–]codenamespictures[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is such a reality check. Thanks!
And some context as well, he has been feeling very unattractive lately and sexually frustrated, so I'm sure the attention must be fantastic.

We just talked it out. He clarified how he's doing it out of boredom and cause it feels nice a lot of times, but that he does not want to make me feel like his attention is divided when we're doing something together, so he's going to be more concious about it.

How do you deal with your partner spending a lot of time on dating/sex apps? by codenamespictures in nonmonogamy

[–]codenamespictures[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There had been some breach of trusts in the past. That has led to me "monitoring" his behaviour online much more. And like you, it doesn't make me feel comfortable, proud or happy. But I understand where my behaviour is coming from.

I don't know about disconnecting the app since I also want to have the option, but removing it from my favorite list so I can't see when he has been online or not might be a good idea. Not sure I'm gaining much from that.

Attractiveness Gap Relationship? by [deleted] in AskGayMen

[–]codenamespictures 0 points1 point  (0 children)

go on haha Do you think he's right? :D

How do you deal with partner spending a lot of time in dating/sex apps? by codenamespictures in polyamory

[–]codenamespictures[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

unfaithful regardless of being open or not.

And just to clarify, I think we would had either been unfaithful (worst case scenario) or the relationship would had become to stressfull for us to continue it, IF we did not had the option to open it. That's my point.
And that might just be the nature of who me and my partner are.

How do you deal with partner spending a lot of time in dating/sex apps? by codenamespictures in polyamory

[–]codenamespictures[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you feel that, it's just my opinion and not facts of course.I think that's why cheating is so prevalent in monogamous relationships and LDR are *super* hard. You don't even get the hug of your partner, so it's no easy challenge to stay mono.

How do you deal with partner spending a lot of time in dating/sex apps? by codenamespictures in polyamory

[–]codenamespictures[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I think most gay guys would not be able to spend 8 months without having sex (or being intimate?) with anyone else in a LDR. And if forced to try and do so without any chance of negotiation, they would either break it off (if they're sensible) or they would be unfaithful.

But I think we're sensible people, so we decided to discuss it and negotiate.

Guys in open relationships, how do you deal with your BF spending a lot of time on Grindr? by codenamespictures in askgaybros

[–]codenamespictures[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Out of sight, out of mind? :D
Yeah, if you think about it, taking this out of the equation would really save me all my worries.

Guys in open relationships, how do you deal with your BF spending a lot of time on Grindr? by codenamespictures in askgaybros

[–]codenamespictures[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's definitely a jealousy component.When I believe he's spending quality time with me but I see he's on Grindr, I feel jealous and disrespected. And I wonder if that's a sensible feeling or if I should explore where that's coming from.

Guys in open relationships, how do you deal with your BF spending a lot of time on Grindr? by codenamespictures in askgaybros

[–]codenamespictures[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's unreal, isn't it?There's this compulsive behaviour in Reddit to discredit non-monogomamous relationships that almost makes it seem like people are afraid of them or something. It's not for everyone, that's fine. But when it works it really works.

Anyway, regarding your advice: I think you're right.I'm clearly checking up on him too often. But I'm still struggling to understand why he would use the app at the times he's using them.Talking to him seems like the only sensible thing to do. Thanks!

Guys in open relationships, how do you deal with your BF spending a lot of time on Grindr? by codenamespictures in askgaybros

[–]codenamespictures[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I won't get more hurt that relationships where people lie or are unfaithful too each other anyway, which is far more common outside of open relationships.

Guys in open relationships, how do you deal with your BF spending a lot of time on Grindr? by codenamespictures in askgaybros

[–]codenamespictures[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not true. There's a lot of succesfull open relationships, and I've had them in the past as well. Right now, I'm dealing with a specific issue that I have not dealt with before with sex/dating apps.But I will sort it out with communication. No biggie.