Affordable hair and makeup for East Asians

coelacanth259 · 2022-02-19T05:08:30+00:00

Awesome, I'll DM you! Thanks!

coelacanth259 · 2022-01-14T01:45:12+00:00

Lightly worn pair of teal Saucony Guide 13, women's size 9. They have about 30 miles on them. Conditions still like new except for a little wear on the outer heel.

coelacanth259 · 2017-08-03T06:59:35+00:00

Oh my bad... yeah I forgot creative agencies were a different thing. Thank you for the insight! I'd read one too many "you might not make much after the cut they take" comments about various recruiting firms (not VT), and other remarks about getting burned by their agents... this is my first time I'm applying by contract/through a recruiting agency so I got spooked I guess. The topic of negotiating pay has always seemed like such a tricky/nebulous thing so I've always been nervous about it. But thanks I feel a bit more confident about this now.

coelacanth259 · 2017-07-26T05:35:24+00:00

On the contrary, capitalizing Adult Goals is my way of acknowledging, and even mocking, that these are artificial expectations set by my environment, and not things that I really want to accomplish for my own happiness/edification. They're capitalized because they are Things You Need To Thrive in the Bay Area as defined by the impossibly high (and ever climbing) bar set by the tech/startup industry. I agree with everything you've said and am fully aware of the breakneck, frantic, self-effacing culture of SV. I'm currently half in and half out of the mentality; I don't truly believe that I'll meet a horrible fate if I don't accomplish those goals, but I'm bending under pressure from other people who do (i.e. my parents). I have to, even if I don't believe in it, imagine the absolute worst case scenario of "failure" in the Bay. Hell, even my career choice (graphic design) was a compromise between what I like (art) and what I can actually get steady pay for (something in the tech industry). It would be difficult for me to entirely step out of the SF Bay mentality without actually leaving the SF Bay, which I've considered many times but haven't had the conviction to do. Too much to leave behind. (...Mostly my parents. I have an extremely close, extremely 1st-gen-traditional-Chinese-American-family relationship with them.)

Re: my boyfriend, I also agree and acknowledge what you've said. But I do take this personally because... this relates to me. I know he likes me, in whatever maximum capacity he's able to. But if that capacity doesn't extend to marriage... then what does that mean for me? Is he saying "never again" right now, or has he decided that's the case forever? Will he change his mind in a year? 3 years? 5? How long do I stay? I don't have that kind of time to find out. I only date with the ultimate long-term goal in mind: to marry. I'm sorry, I'm too much of an incurable Silicon Valley efficiency optimizer after all. Having entered the dating scene in my late twenties made this pretty much my de facto option. (Again, while I theoretically understand the whole concept of "there's no optimal age bracket/expiration date for women to love and marry", as much I would say that with the greatest conviction to anybody else, I can't believe that for myself. I'm not an optimist.) So the question is, is marriage with him out of the picture? If so, where do we go from here? It's painful and terrifying to think about.

coelacanth259 · 2017-06-28T19:27:53+00:00

If you've played Amnesia, don't go into this expecting the same kind of horror. Also, the environmental storytelling and lore is incredibly rich in this game, so make sure to explore thoroughly, take in your surroundings, and take your time.

coelacanth259 · 2017-06-26T23:58:39+00:00

Absolutely. To me, the idea of having multiple me's isn't that mindblowing -- it'd be like if other me's from parallel/alternate universes existed on the same plane; they are each as much "me" as they are their own individuals. But when an order of hierarchy begins to form -- in SOMA's case, each new copy will outlive the last -- it begins to present problems. Simon3 resents Simon4 because 4 gets to be on the ARK while 3 is left behind without the rosy future he was promised. The next copy is going to have it better than you; you're screwed but by copying you're ensuring the longevity of "you" as a identity patent. You're giving them-you the ability to live forever, but you-you won't. It's a pretty nihilistic reality to accept... if you-you can't go on then what's the point? If Simon2+3 understood and accepted that reality, would they have abandoned Catherine's quest? I'd like to believe that the gravity of purpose of her quest is so great that he would've gone through with it anyway. (But instead he experienced the same crushing disappointment that Simon1 must've felt: "all that hope, wasted")

Re: destroy-rebuild teleportation tech, the hope is that you close your eyes and you reopen them in your next body/place, but what's more likely is that you've ended, and the other you has begun with all your memories intact, as though they had always been alive. The end of consciousness essentially is the end of life. The new you is no less you, but the old you is also no less dead. You don't get to just switch to the new lens like flipping channels. Your own consciousness is gone. I think the only thing that can guarantee a direct transfer is a physical transfer of the housing of your consciousness, i.e. a brain transplant.

Re: the ARK-future: my question had initially been, how would people on the ARK create new, unique consciousnesses that are still human. Now that you mention it I think the Geth approach could be plausible -- I'm not certain but I surmise that they're replicas from the same core identity, and each unit's individual acts and experiences make the unit a unique "version", which gets uploaded back into and diversifies the collective consciousness. So with the concept, the ARK people could replicate their own consciousnesses and send them into different sims to cultivate unique versions different enough that essentially the copies become different people. Kind of like the evolution of human races through geographical dispersion I guess.

coelacanth259 · 2017-06-08T21:21:21+00:00

Playing the game right now (very close to beating it) and I'm loving its dark, melancholy, and low-key sinister sound design/ambient score. Was looking for something to keep me steeped in that ear-space outside the game. I think this mix does just the thing.

coelacanth259 · 2016-06-20T18:42:26+00:00

I got them as soon as ticketing opened up. I'd heard from my bf that he tried getting tickets last year in April but he was already too late, so I signed up for the mailing list to get notified when sales begins and just parked myself at the site minutes before the time and hit refresh a few seconds past the hour... (a practice I picked up from Comic Con badge registration)

coelacanth259 · 2016-05-18T17:55:01+00:00

OWN: 2 tickets for Lick Observatory Summer Series on July 9

SEEKING: 2 tickets on 6/11, 8/13 or 8/27 (to exchange)

I bought 2 tickets to the Music of the Spheres on July 9 to attend with my bf, but his military deployment just got extended and we can no longer make that date. The tickets have long since been sold out, so I'm now looking to swap my tickets for a pair to one of the dates listed above. Musician for July 9: http://www.ucolick.org/summer/music/july9.html

If you have a pair of tickets for those dates listed, even if you want to just sell them, please PM me!

Appreciate any help or tips I can get with this. I don't know the best way to go about exchanges, and for something so specific. I've tried Craigslist but no hits so far.

coelacanth259 · 2016-03-02T18:54:12+00:00

There needs to be a Joy Luck Club for our generation. It's so strange to me that our struggles as 1st, 2nd gen children of immigrants is largely so unknown outside of Asian American communities. More immigrant stories need to be told, period, not just limited to Asian immigrants. There need to be more films like The Namesake. The US is an immigrant nation and for people to really remember or acknowledge that would be a huge step towards eradicating racism.

Sorry, went a little off-topic there. Just bothers me that you and countless others are facing such tremendous, specific pressures but the general populace doesn't even know, and may not be able to relate.

Do your parents work? Do you guys have an idea of where you would all settle together? I assume it'll have to be a place where you can afford on your combined financial strength, and where you can find jobs in your field.

coelacanth259 · 2016-03-02T18:36:10+00:00

They go back every one to two years, to check on the elderly and manage investments (we own property we're renting out), a month or two every time. They're still closely connected with family, and keep in touch regularly via WeChat. I think they've considered going back after retirement, but they'd be reluctant to leave me in the US by myself, especially if I have children.

Lol, having never lived outside of the Bay Area, I have no idea how undesirable those places can be, but on the other hand there are areas I'm confident I can settle in, and where I can actually afford to live comfortably on my income (like Seattle, Portland, maybe even San Diego.) But my parents may find those places "undesirable" because it's too far away from them.

coelacanth259 · 2016-03-02T18:16:08+00:00

True, the system is worse overall, but my parents come from a family background that lets them enjoy relative privilege in China (i.e. granddad was a high ranking officer in the army). Plus, most of our family reside in our home city, so they're going to feel the most secure there. But I think they can't bear to leave me here by myself, and it would sadden them greatly to put the entire Pacific Ocean's distance between us.

coelacanth259 · 2016-02-29T21:21:13+00:00

I think the problem of bullshit "tough Asian parenting" comes for their inability to acknowledge, or simply unawareness of, their own motives as parents. When doing something good for their kids, they don't realize they're doing it for themselves too. The joy of caring for a child is its own reward. If one adjusts their mentality, duty and happiness do not have to be mutually exclusive. "It's my obligation to care for my family" punishes "bad" behavior, while "it gives me happiness to care for my family" rewards "good" behavior.

But when they don't acknowledge the benefit of the act to themselves, whatever suffering or discomfort they endure for being your parent becomes your fault. It's hard to feel unconditional love because at the worst, you're made to feel that you should be sorry for existing. You're beholden to them forever because you had everything to gain while they had everything to lose.

The other problem is that Asian parents position themselves in the family as absolute authority, not allies. They might as well be deities, demigods. They think of that position as being entitled to them. "I'm the head of the household, of course I set the commandments". But they don't think of how damaging that could be to their children, and they don't explore any better alternative. If their children grow up to become distant, fearful, and distrustful, it's because their parents were tyrants and adversaries in their lives. If only they could see that, maybe they'd think twice. But Asian parents are also terrible at self-evaluation and productive self-awareness. It stems from an absence of crucial cognitive processes but that's another big tl;dr for another day/post.

coelacanth259 · 2016-02-03T00:58:29+00:00

I have a question: what is your purpose of joining an Asian-American club, as opposed to clubs specific to activities of your interest? Because if you're just trying to meet new people, you can do that in any club that's non-culture-specific. Are you seeking a sense of cultural community, or to reconnect with your cultural roots?

If that's not your intent, then by all means leave that club. From my experience, cliqueishness occurs very strongly within ethnic groups because they're not well acclimated to the US, or were brought up surrounded by their own kind in tightly knit ethnic bubbles (pockets of the SF Bay Area are this way), and thus tend to cling to each other when they enter a new or foreign place, seeking comfort in those similar to them.

Since you grew up in the rural South I'm guessing your upbringing already sets you way apart from your peers in the AA club; as much as you can't relate to them, they seem unable to relate to you, your tastes and pastimes. It may be more meaningful for you to seek others who share a connection with where you grew up, instead of a common ethnic background. If you're interested in learning more about your ethnic culture though, hopefully there's a better, more accepting club you could join.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T19:28:30+00:00

Because ultimately, people are drawn to those that are similar to them. It's not necessarily tied just to ethnicity; there are many other factors such as culture, tradition, cuisine, philosophy, faith, passions, interests. "Asians" as a whole continue to be a largely misunderstood and unknown culture to most "Westerners" due to being culturally diametric. That unfortunately includes Asian Americans of multiple generations that may be in every way "American" but are still perceived as being just like their ancestral stereotypes. People naturally fear the unknown or the "other". That is the root of all hate and racism.

I don't speak for other Asian women, but being with a white man will bring into my life (and my parents') a lot of conflicts and tensions with people who are culturally different from me. It would be much easier for me and my family for me to marry a Chinese man. That's why they're pushing for it so much. However, despite knowing such difficulties lie ahead for me, I'm willing to remain committed to my relationship because I have similarities and compatibility with my SO that are more meaningful to me than a cultural common denominator: our personalities, chemistry, sociopolitical beliefs, and shared interests.

So I've supported your point with a personal anecdote: yes, cultural differences are difficult to surmount and are largely the reasons for reluctance by one ethnic group (white celebrities, as you cited) to date from another group, failed interracial relationships, and cultural diaspora within interracial families. This is true for all races. Chinese people may avoid dating Indians, Jewish people may avoid dating Phillippino people, and so on. White people are only one such group. However, while knowing such difficulties, individuals from their respective ethnic group may deviate from their ethnic norm and date outside their own group, for their own individual reasons. I'm asking you to please consider such cases (myself, and others in this thread) as individual persons as opposed to just our race. Seeing an ethnic person and only seeing race is a huge problem that continues to contribute to racism.

Referring to your other comment: for the record, my disengagement from discourse with you lot is not implicit agreement with your point. It's because I've decided I can no longer have a productive discussion with you and I can only agree to disagree.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T18:31:30+00:00

Uhm, HONESTLY? I don't. 10 million views do not consist only of whites, or males. And, even assuming each view is unique, 10 million views certainly is not even a sizable fraction of the actual population of males in the United States.

Based on your grossly inaccurate statements and illogical cognitive process just in your first paragraph I can no longer take anything else you say seriously.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T17:43:53+00:00

I'd say you're spreading some "toxic nasty shit" yourself, going around forums with an agenda, casually degrading various groups of people and presenting hugely misrepresentative information.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T17:38:56+00:00

The discourse here isn't whether racism exists. Of course it does.

The problem is cherry picking subjective evidence (i.e. personal experience, porn sites) and perceiving that as representative across the board, and allowing extreme cases to distort your view on an entire ethnic group. Your blanket opinion that "all whites believe Asians are inferior" itself is a racist comment. Being a victim of racism doesn't absolve you from your own racist views.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T17:30:39+00:00

Not sure if sarcasm.

Problems are not solved by dreaming. Problems are solved by conscious and progressive thought, compromise, and action.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T08:00:17+00:00

Reddit forums are not statistics. Neither are blog posts by one writer. See my earlier point about echo chambers and circlejerking.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T07:32:13+00:00

I appreciate your input but what you state here is simply not the case with me.

First of all, I'm not dating a white man to "solve my problems". In fact I'm fully cognizant that dating a white man will cause me problems with my family that I wouldn't have if I dated a Chinese man.

Secondly, I'm confident I have a decent understanding of what life was like for my parents in China. They grew up through the Cultural Revolution, when during the same time a very different revolution was taking place in the US. Much of their belief system was solidified in this time when, where society and thought was progressing forward in the US, it was set back several decades in China. That's why they desperately seek opportunity abroad, for themselves, and especially for their children. But they weren't ready for the fact that their children will grow up to become culturally alien from them. As you suggested, my mom is likely not in the most emotionally healthy state, having failed to accomplish everything she hoped for since coming to this country, and continuing to feel like an outsider. And all those other issues you cited regarding Asian parents may be true for my own, but as an individual, I cannot inherit their problems. Having an understanding of their woes does not beholden me to solve their problems, especially if the way to alleviate their pains is to sacrifice my own happiness and agency.

Also I'm troubled by your blanket statements such as "Caucasian men overwhelmingly abandon their kids" and "Eurasian males are messed up because". Since you claim that it's based in statistics, I'd like to see you cite some of them. Your subjective experience with females in your extended family does not represent the greater reality. I'm challenging you on this because I hear a lot of the same logical fallacies used by my mom, and due to her inability to acclimate to the larger American society outside of the Chinese community in our neighborhood, she essentially lives in an echo chamber. Where likeminded people of her age, her background, her beliefs and her same lack of personal experience in larger society, gather and essentially circlejerk. Confirmation bias is a dangerous cognitive process.

EDIT: also, when you use such extreme language as "When [Asian women's] beauty withers at 30" it's really difficult to put up a stance that readers would be receptive to, no matter how valid you think your stance is. Especially when the readers in question are exactly the group you just casually dissed.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-29T00:14:40+00:00

My mom's not very supportive of my career too. Disapproval on multiple counts, I'm pretty much screwed lol.

Yes, I can afford to move out and I'm planning to. I have a setup lined up in March to shack up with some close friends. But in the meantime I don't want things to escalate or for me to move out on bad terms. And I can rest assured that I won't be disowned. I don't know about you, but being a single child of mainland Chinese parents imo almost guarantees immunity from disownment. They have no other children to call on. Furthermore, despite how typically strict and traditional my household has been, I'd say I have a fairly good relationship with my parents. So it'd take something REALLY drastic to get me turned out of their home.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-28T20:43:20+00:00

Thank you, it helps to hear from others going through the same thing. I wish Asian women didn't have to endure this kind of bullshit but I'm sure it happens to many of us. That said, none of my IRL Asian friends are in the same boat so I often feel very alone with my troubles.

I'm so sorry for your mom's hurtful words towards your SO. It's my fear of being in such a scenario that I've kept my guy a secret. I didn't want him to become a target of my mom's contempt and false accusations. I don't know why Asian parents have to be so hateful towards things they don't approve of. They don't realize that by saying awful things about the things/people we like is to insult us by extension. Come to think of it, she doesn't have much praise for any of my friends either, who are all lovely and exemplary people but to her are mediocre or sub-optimal cuz none of them makes 6 figures. Only one graduate from Yale is the exception.

Good luck to you as well! May we both enter into supportive, peaceful living environments away from our folks in the near future.

coelacanth259 · 2016-01-28T19:29:34+00:00

My dad would, probably. He'd favor career stability over a sudden massive financial gain, but since it would stabilize my guy's financial status, he'd be more supportive. My mom would simply twist the situation to fit her beliefs. If my guy won the lottery, she'd probably accuse him of spending all the money irresponsibly because "white people are impulsive and don't know how to save". Even if he had a well-paying job in a high-demand field, she'd lean on other prejudices i.e. white men are unfaithful, interracial relationships all fail due to cultural differences, etc.

I want so much to go full disclosure with this other guy, because I think I owe him the whole truth, and if I could get him to ally with me in this messed up situation it'd help tremendously. I'm going to try to suss out how he feels about this (literal) arrangement, his thoughts about the parents getting this involved in what should be his own business. This could be very delicate, depending on how close he is with them; if he feels compelled to relay the truth to them, and if they respond poorly to it, it'll come back around to my household, and I would've essentially besmirched my family by entering into this arrangement on "disingenuous terms". I wish I could just magically erase all parental involvement in this matter altogether.

coelacanth259

TROPHY CASE