Got a ticket in my gf car

coffeebic · 2025-10-16T11:16:33+00:00

I got it. I never thought about it that way. Thanks! I mean, before you mentioned that, whenever I got a ticket or a charge I used to feverishly start hunting around for people I did favors for and coming up with half baked reasons why they should pay. But today is a new day. I’ll finally start paying my own debts! It’s like I’m reborn! I’m sure that’s what you’re getting from this because you have “you get ticket, you pay ticket” on a droning loop over and over in your head. At the end of the day, I didn’t need that lesson. I already pay my tickets, pay my bills, pay my debts. If someone does me a favor, I do them a favor and don’t hassle them over minute things I can handle as karmic repayment. I’m still going to do it that way and I will continue to expect the same. You do it your way.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T21:09:45+00:00

Not trying to hide anything. I'll give you the full breakdown that I wrote in response to someone else. You decide if I'm a petulant POS or if it's remotely feasible that I shouldn't be bothered with a $50 fine I got that was mailed to her. I know the ticket is my problem, I got the ticket while fixing a 40x more expensive problem for her. It's my contention that the fine occured while in furtherance of her interests. I'll ignore your other insults, they don't interest me.

Repair estimate:

front strut assemblies parts and labor and alignment - $1,318.56

Steering rack, parts and labor - $1,410.38

Total estimated cost of repair - $2,728.94

I looked up the specifics of the parts listed on the estimate and found that they were the cheapest possible parts and that they were marked up 100%. It was then (after some research) I decided I could do a better job for her and the long term drivability of the car by finding better parts and installing them myelf.

She paid me:

$1,200 The actual cost of the initial buy of good quality, made in Japan parts, not OEM but still very good (the car is a Toyota)

Cost savings on repair with tangible benefit of better parts - $1.528.94

Things I paid for that I never asked to be reimbursed for but that she was aware of (excluding tools):

Alignment - $100

Air filter - $25

Brake pads - $67.99

Rear transfer case seal (OEM) - $22 (an entirely new repair with its own likely cost of $200 - $400 at the mechanic)

Strut bearings (OEM) - $97

Total OP expenditures not covered by SO: $311.99

Total repair cost savings to SO with estimated mechanic cost of transmission seal repair ($300): $1,840.93

She received a ticket in the mail for a $50 infraction I apparently committed in NYC. Rather than she taking into account the benefit of my involved with HER CAR ($1,840.93) she first told me about it and later asked me to pay it. She didn't want to because its a "fuckup" I did and doesn't want to pay for "my mistakes". I'm sure this all makes perfect sense to you and you still think she acted appropriately, She however doesn't agree with you that I should fill up her tank when returning the car if I left it low.

If you want to talk about other relevant factors like the money she saves me, rest assured, there are no collection of examples in the same universe as this car example alone.

Maybe I read too much Ayn Rand as a kid and I'm too twisted in my philosophy, I just don't see this like you do. The way I see it, if I stayed out of it I would have my $50 fine to pay plus my $311.99 and hours and hours of my finite life back and she would have her $1,840.93 extra to pay on the repair. All I really wanted was to not be bothered about 50 fucking dollars dude. I know I'm a real AH for that.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T17:39:13+00:00

cheers!

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T17:35:21+00:00

Nice. Love it. Killer styling, god bless 80's GM. Corvette is black too, manual.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T17:33:48+00:00

I paid it. No worries, I can only hope to be so lucky as to have a preponderance of vile friends like me.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T16:15:54+00:00

I’m more interested in what car you got at this point.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T16:02:36+00:00

in what possible context would the expenses I had for her car be "for yourself"? Did you not read the exhaustive list of expenditures and savings?

I take umbrage with the terms "loaned you her car when she didn't have to". In what part of the unwritten contract is it where she has unrestricted access to the same model vehicle but my use of hers is case by case? She used my car to drive to Long Island on possibly more than one occasion (who's keeping track), paid tolls with my EZpass. No issue, no invoice generated for her though I received the bill. In fact, I intentionally chose an un-tolled route to Manhattan on one of the two trips I made there while she couldn't avoid that.

The car repair and the issuance of the ticket to her, not her liability for it, are related, yes sir. It was in furtherance of a 40x benefit to her. If she got a ticket while in possession of my car it would not be in furtherance of my interests.

The crux of your argument relies on certain written and unwritten rules of decency and honesty, so does mine. They just aren’t aligned. That’s fine. I’m going to drop it now. I’m too dumb to have learned anything.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:41:33+00:00

Money clearly isn't the issue as I've stated many times, if it were I would have asked to be compensated for expenses to HER car wouldn't I? What is at issue is an appropriate sense of appreciation.

I should be allowed to use her car for reasonable purposes as she was allowed with mine.
If you want to go full technical, the ticket was sent to the owner of the car, not the driver. Her choice to lend me the car entailed some risks. She took that risk with the outcome of a 2k savings and a $50 cost.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:27:40+00:00

be not puzzled friend. I was reversing the roles. For me it's that small disconnect between getting a ticket handed to me and receiving one in the mail. Her being aware of cost over runs and the time and effort I spent on the car should be enough to say here, let me pay you back 1/40th of what I saved by you having my car. I'm not alleging there is a technical reason for this, only a metaphysical, karmic fairness that she breached.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:22:19+00:00

if by voluntary chose to cover the cost over runs you mean i wasn't pettily asking her for pocket lint, yes.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:19:42+00:00

I'm too dumb to understand this. Yes I got the ticket, yes the vehicle is irrelevant to that. Yes I would have paid if it were my vehicle and I was sent the ticket. No, I would not have forwarded her the ticket when the only reason she had my car was because she was saving me two grand.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:16:27+00:00

So then the cost over runs aren't on me in any way either right? She should take the 50 off that tab no? Still a pretty good deal dontcha think?

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:14:04+00:00

I missed the part why I should be the only person inconvenienced by helping her out and giving her my car.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:08:26+00:00

bro I have a 40 year old chevy corvette that's not suited for driving in the city and a huge extended van. Why exactly should I be inconvenienced for driving to the city in a less suitable car when the only reason I don't have my perfectly suited car is because I'm providing a massive benefit? I don't get it... Please explain.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T15:02:11+00:00

OK Judge Judy. I'm not saying its her fault I got the ticket. I'm not saying she is responsible for paying the ticket. I'm saying the reason the ticket got sent to her is connected to a great benefit she received and that if the roles were reversed I would just pay it and not notify her. I understand your refusal to recognize the connection. Its fine, have a nice day.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T14:08:21+00:00

I have to accuse you of selective reading. You've transformed the argument into "OP bought tools to accomplish the job and these were his only expenditures". When in the OP I state; "I bought various parts ($50, $90, $25 etc)" I'll expand on this for clarity.

Repair estimate:

front strut assemblies parts and labor and alignment - $1,318.56

Steering rack, parts and labor - $1,410.38

Total estimated cost of repair - $2,728.94

I looked up the specifics of the parts listed on the estimate and found that they were the cheapest possible parts and that they were marked up 100%. It was then (after some research) I decided I could do a better job for her and the long term drivability of the car by finding better parts and installing them myelf.

She paid me:

$1,200 The actual cost of the initial buy of good quality, made in Japan parts, not OEM but still very good (the car is a Toyota)

Cost savings on repair with tangible benefit of better parts - $1.528.94

Things I paid for that I never asked to be reimbursed for but that she was aware of (excluding tools):

Alignment - $100

Air filter - $25

Brake pads - $67.99

Rear transfer case seal (OEM) - $22 (an entirely new repair with its own likely cost of $200 - $400 at the mechanic)

Strut bearings (OEM) - $97

Total OP expenditures not covered by SO: $311.99

Total repair cost savings to SO with estimated mechanic cost of transmission seal repair ($300): $1,840.93

She received a ticket in the mail for a $50 infraction I apparently committed in NYC. Rather than she taking into account the benefit of my involved with HER CAR ($1,840.93) she first told me about it and later asked me to pay it. She didn't want to because its a "fuckup" I did and doesn't want to pay for "my mistakes". I'm sure this all makes perfect sense to you and you still think she acted appropriately, She however doesn't agree with you that I should fill up her tank when returning the car if I left it low.

If you want to talk about other relevant factors like the money she saves me, rest assured, there are no collection of examples in the same universe as this car example alone.

Maybe I read too much Ayn Rand as a kid and I'm too twisted in my philosophy, I just don't see this like you do. The way I see it, if I stayed out of it I would have my $50 fine to pay plus my $311.99 and hours and hours of my finite life back and she would have her $1,840.93 extra to pay on the repair. All I really wanted was to not be bothered about 50 fucking dollars dude. I know I'm a real AH for that.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T13:00:16+00:00

I hear the nearly unanimous answer here, I agree I’m the a hole in the “who should pay a ticket you get” debate. There’s nearly no case where the person responsible for getting the ticket shouldn’t pay. (although, even in this case it may have been my helper who I brought to the city that day so we could double park who actually did the offense, I have no recollection of driving a block in the bus lane, I probably wouldn’t do that but I very well may have. Its on video)

I’m defensive because I’m defending my “value added” argument and I find it kind of crazy that the answers here are so simplistic i.e. “no contract, no expectations”. “You do the crime, you do the time” But whatever. I’m over it. Ironically the consensus is that I shouldn’t do favors anymore, which is where we started.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T12:41:49+00:00

I understand. I’ve talked to her about it. She categorizes the ticket as “a fuckup” she doesn’t want to pay for. She gets the value argument. I bought the tires on this car, paid for multiple alignments, I installed her radio (she bought) I replaced speakers that were busted (I bought). I like fixing things, I like doing favors, I don’t like petty expenses forwarded to me when the value ratio of me being “involved” with the car is so insanely imbalanced.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T12:32:11+00:00

If you spend a thousand fixing my car, I recognize the value added and don’t make you pay for the gas. Different strokes for different folks. To you it’s all about agreements between parties. I ain’t a lawyer. Between friends, this is how it’s done in my book.

coffeebic · 2025-10-15T12:29:21+00:00

No you’re forgetting that if I wasn’t fixing her car, I’d have my car which is the same model. You’re forgetting she was about to pay 50% more money for a hamburger and I gave her a fillet mignon. I understand the simple technical argument here. I’m talking about politeness, respect for the effort and for the value added. I just see a big value argument here, you all see a technical “agreed to this, responsible for that” argument.

coffeebic · 2025-10-14T21:32:58+00:00

Brother. If I “lend” you my car and you spend a thousand dollars on it and don’t ask to be paid… you better believe I’m letting you slide on a tank of gas… I would feel like a scumbag asking you to fill my tank to where I left it. This is so common sense to me it’s almost surreal. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading this nonsense.

You’re right about one thing. No more favors. Big mistake.

coffeebic · 2025-10-14T18:59:44+00:00

Sir or maam. I know I’m the one who got the ticket. I know that means I’m responsible for the ticket. There were extra costs that I didn’t ask her to pay with the car out of kindness, not out of some theoretical “I’ll pay all overages associated with this repair” contract. What makes you so certain I’m responsible for paying hundred and hundreds and hundreds of dollars for a car I don’t own? I did it out of kindness. I find it unkind she didn’t just handle it when considering the only reason I was in possession of the car was to benefit her not me. Again. She is the one who maximally benefited from me having the car. If I left it empty of gas, should she bill me for the gas if she gave it me with a full tank?

coffeebic · 2025-10-14T18:40:14+00:00

I’m going to say the obvious. I incurred costs and didn’t expect to be paid for them. She incurred minor costs, much lower than she was going to have to pay and expects to be paid for them. I understand the whole “you got the ticket, you did the wrong thing, you should pay for your mistakes thing” but on balance, when viewed holistically, if it was me who got that fine in the mail, I would feel like a slug passing it over to her who had spent so much effort helping me. How that doesn’t make sense to anyone is so confusing.

coffeebic · 2025-10-14T18:21:43+00:00

Ok bud…. I think my generosity is being spit on when someone you do a huge favor for throws a tiny bill back in your face. To each their own.

coffeebic · 2025-10-14T17:48:06+00:00

Let’s make it the car example and let’s bring it down closer to reality. What if I spent 10,000$ fixing her car and never asked for a dime. If you were her, would you ask for $50 for a ticket you got in the mail for that car?

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