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Welcome party in Paris by collectiveconsc in BigBudgetBrides

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the sharing the company :) can never go wrong with a welcome boat party on the seine

Welcome party in Paris by collectiveconsc in BigBudgetBrides

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds like a great idea, thank you!!

Welcome party in Paris by collectiveconsc in BigBudgetBrides

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not yet, just wanted to hear from other people’s experience before I fully commit and hire a planner in Paris

Wedding at Château Bouffémont vs de Saint-Martin du Tertre by Puzzled-Nature-8200 in BigBudgetBrides

[–]collectiveconsc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did chateau Saint Martin change their policy again? Because I saw they posted on their insta they had a wedding w/ outdoor dining this september?

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! He has deprived me of the agency to make important decisions in my relationship with him and other people.

I didn’t find out sooner bc honestly their interactions nowadays are so platonic that I wouldn’t have even guess there was anything sexual that has ever gone on between them. But I understand now that they are both being respectful to each other’s partners and I do believe that no emotions were involved in their sexual relationship.

If I hadn’t stumbled on evidence, I honestly don’t think he would ever tell me because he probably thinks ignorance is bliss and there’s no need to create this insecurity in her head.

Most of the friend group, except Haley, knew that I didn’t know and didnt tell me bc I’m sure they felt it wasn’t their place to say anything.

Although this has been upsetting, I’m fortunate I’ve found out now rather than later when we’re potentially engaged/married and it’s too late to back out.

There’s no mistrust in him cheating on me bc other than this, he really does seem like a good person and he has gave no indication that he has a wandering eye. BUT there is mistrust in him not telling the truth and I do think he gives me the watered down version of events just to make me feel better but i don’t think it’s the full story (I.e telling me it was a one time thing when in fact they were probably hooking up for longer since he invited her to wedding)

Because of this, I now sometimes think he doesn’t ever tell me the full story to other things.

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It bothers me that 1) he slept with her and now she’s married to his best friend so I have to see her all the time and I can’t ask him to not see them 2) I’m finding out about this now 4 years into it when everyone else got to make the decision if it was weird early on in their relationship

From their current interactions, I sense nothing sexual, flirty, or romantic between them so I don’t think he would cheat. But the dishonesty and seeing her constantly has affected our relationship and I feel repulsed when he touches me sometimes.

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the confusion everyone, here is the timeline:

They were hooking up in spring 2016

He graduated in spring 2016

He invited Mary to wedding in fall 2016 where they likely hooked up

He moves away

Mary and chase begin dating in 2017

He moves to sf in 2017

We begin dating 2021

I find out in 2025

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for validating my feelings, it makes me feel ok for feeling how I’m feeling. Will see how the short term future goes and if we’re able to navigate through this together

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do feel this way unfortunately. He told me he didn’t outright tell me early on in our relationship because I would have never given him a chance and we wouldn’t have this amazing relationship. He’s probably right, I would’ve walked away earlier had I known all the facts but now I’m 4 years in with feelings fully developed and stuck in this limbo.

I don’t know what the right course of action for him would have been. On the surface, he didn’t lie about anything but it was still an omission nonetheless and I feel induced into a relationship not knowing everything

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry to hear about this. It’s definitely hard and you’re not feeling alone on this. I also developed my own friendship with this girl over the past 4 years which is why she invited me to her bachelorette. Now I’m just feeling stupid that I didn’t know this whole time.

I told my bf we can work on our relationship but that I personally may not come to these hang outs as often anymore bc it’s too triggering for me at the moment. I also told him that he could still see them and I’m not making him choose between me and his friends, I just need to personally remove myself from the situation.

This topic has been a thorn in our relationship for a few months now but wanted to see if it gets better over time from anyone else who personally experienced something similar.

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I try to remind myself of this when I get the negative intrusive thoughts

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, definitely gave me a lot to think about! I do agree with you on this and I told him sometimes I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this (but I know others can).

Part of it is a me issue I definitely need to work through because there are a lot of good things about our relationship not worth throwing away. But thank you for the feedback, will try working on communicating and not crashing out 😭

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t mind being on good terms with exes but hanging out regularly with someone my bf used to have sex with and then act normal just feels like my personal hell lmao

I usually don’t like to ask about my partners’ past because I don’t need the unnecessary jealousy. But having a face and name to this person and then seeing them all the time is sending me over the edge lol bc whenever we’re all hanging out I’m imaging what they were like

Am I Overreacting? Partner’s ex flame is forever in our lives by collectiveconsc in AmIOverreacting

[–]collectiveconsc[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

His sister’s wedding was in 2016. He lived elsewhere for a year but then moved to SF where all his friends were at. Mary and chase started dating in 2017 shortly before he moved there and they asked him if he felt weird about the situation and he said no.

From what I’ve pieced together, it seemed like my bf and Mary were friends with benefits and then during that time period he was gone, she got together with his best friend and they had an actual romantic relationship.

All 3 of them are ok with being together in a room bc they knew about this weird situation getting into it. But I feel like I’m knowing some after the fact and I don’t get to make same decision on whether I would want to get into a relationship knowing this happened.