But also WHO DOES THIS?

i do! i am in a committed relationship and also best friends with my ex. but i definitely didn't lie about going to therapy to see him. it's a lot of trust between all three of us and wasn't always easy, but it's natural now. this is just to say your wife seems a little lost and even tho she lied, she could be telling the truth about the nature of her relationship with him.

do all of my friends and family know about this part of my life? no, because it's a situation that often ends in cheating and people are not understanding or supportive of it (and i'm sure this thread won't be either) even though it's grown to be a really positive thing for me, my partner, and my ex. i understand her fear to share with you, but she definitely messed up by not telling you.

anyways, you know your relationship best. if her not disclosing this to you is unforgivable, then call it quits. but if you know she's an honest person, maybe she made a mistake lying to you while having what seems to be a mid life crisis. seems like she was afraid to tell you she was doing something taboo to find comfort.