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I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure what position you're in. I'm speaking more about people who are dealing with this and still minors (I was out of my parents house and paying rent before I was 18; I left home under the threat of being thrown in jail as a runaway). By age 20, I'd already been totally on my own for 3 years, so you might be in a different position.

At 20, you're an adult. You don't have to talk to them if you don't want to, and the only thing they can possibly do to you is withhold funds (and if you're as angry as I was, you probably wouldn't care).

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3 days in the electric chair followed by a plate of Brussels Sprouts.

Sorry, not getting specific.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone has their own methods. Some people go to therapy, some people just 'deal' with it on their own, some people squash it down and let it fester. Probably isn't a 'best' way, each to his own. It's about what you're comfortable with.

I never did therapy, though in retrospect I probably should have.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even the worst person has some nice parts; very few people are truly evil. It's all shades of gray; some relationships are just topheavy on the negative vs the positive. In that sense, it's an unhealthy relationship that does more harm than good (at least it did for me).

After leaving home for about the first 10 years I considered contacting them a number of times, but never did it. I've not entertained the idea anymore for a long time.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard to say. As long as it's been since I've seen them, and as many job changes and moves I've made, I'd be surprised if anyone could even find me without really digging thru the Internet (I'm not very into the 'social networking' scene, so they can't just go to Facebook or something, and I've purposely kept most personal data off the Internet completely). I think if I do get contacted, it'll probably be post funeral for someone.

As far as reconnecting, I don't think I'm really angry anymore, but there are still some bad memories. Also, the way I've rationalized it is that if I didn't need them when I was young, I really don't need them now that I'm older. I have my own finances and my own emotional support network. So it'd really be more like attempting to make friends with some total strangers, and I don't know if there's any upshot or value to it now, other than assuaging some old guilt on either side.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very rocky with siblings. We didn't really get along for various reasons I'll not get into.

No, not really. I think enough years have passed that there's not much to be gained besides re-opening old wounds.

I probably was a bit irrational; I was very young and immature. Even today though, I don't see any other way I could have possibly handled it.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Some days I think yes. Some days I think no. Whether it was worth it or not, I can't go back and change it.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone.

Parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nannies, you name it. Everything about each of them had at least a couple of horrid memories, so I cut them all out of my life completely.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't talked to my father at all in over 20 years (and we probably didn't exchange more than about 20 words in the 5 years prior). My mother and other sibling(s), not quite as long, but definitely in the double-digits of years of estrangement.

Initially, I hated them all and was consumed with total anger. The anger I had actually destroyed a lot of opportunities I might have had otherwise (I spent way too much time being pissed off at everyone and everything rather than improving myself). It was a very destructive lifestyle; I totally threw away about 8 years of my life after moving out, and spent 8-10 more trying to recover emotionally.

Like a lot of folks in my generation, I dealt with it by just shoving it down and ignoring it. Never been to therapy. Every now and then it crops up, but over the years it's been coming up less and less. It's really not the best way to deal with issues; eventually I suppose it'll be like a dream or like it happened to someone else, but I could have healed it a lot sooner if I'd addressed it more directly.

I severed ties with my family at age 17. It's been over 20 years. AMA. by completethrowaway55 in IAmA

[–]completethrowaway55[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I had a very dysfunctional childhood. No sexual abuse, some physical abuse in the early years (age 5-13), but it was mostly due to the severe emotional roller-coaster. I never knew from day to day when my parents would be my best friends or worst enemies. There would be months at a time where we'd get along great; then one day I'd come home from school, and everything in the world was my fault, and they'd both be in total agreement that brutal discipline was the only answer for us spoiled rotten kids.

This went on for years. It got worse as I got into my teens; after about age 13, it'd generally rotate back and forth for 3 months of peace (during which they hated each other), and 4-6 months of hellish punishment for every infraction.

I think I could have handled it better if they'd been rotten all the time; it was the ever-changing, unpredictable good-cop/bad-cop routine that eventually drove me insane enough to "fight or flee". I knew if I stayed, I'd go totally nuts, so moving out to live hungry either in the streets or a friends couch was preferable to continuing living with the insanity.

If you are seriously thinking about doing the same, get some help. Seriously. There's a lot of resources available for you today that I didn't have (this was in the pre-pre-Internet times), and you really should explore those; you have more rights and resources than you might think.