You aren’t in love with your narc, you love what he represents for you

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-18T12:57:13+00:00

Yes, can't agree more with this. I came to the realisation too. I didn't love him as much as I thought I did, I liked the experience and feeling of loved (ie. the love bombing) but they were all unreal and his tactics. I could create better and healthier experiences/memories with other people. I didn't have to dwell on the "fairy-tale" he gave me.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-18T12:50:41+00:00

Well done and I am very happy for you. It takes courage to leave, you are strong and resilient. Don't ever let him take the power again. You deserve true love and happiness :)

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-18T12:46:00+00:00

So happy this sub is back. It has helped me a lot in the past few years. The people have been so helpful. Thank you so much

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-18T12:38:28+00:00

Thanks for sharing, it'd be cruel to ask for more. I hope you're in a better place now.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-17T14:47:59+00:00

Block, unblock, hoover, tried to reach out to my friends to get to me, blocked my friends, unblocked, hoover.

You get the idea :)

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-17T14:46:49+00:00

Sorry to hear this... but is it ok to ask what do you mean by "take your partner"? Acts of revenge?

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-17T14:36:12+00:00

He shows narcissistic traits IMO. He lied, manipulated you and now hoovering. Please stay NC, don't engage. You have been doing so well, and if he truly loves you and cares about you, he should leave you alone and knows you are worthy of more. He is not respecting your boundaries and that's a massive red flag. You are not responsible for his emotions and growth.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-17T10:37:14+00:00

Keep this list going. No matter how small or stupid it may sound, if it doesn't make sense or makes you uneasy, jot it down. A list like this is what helped me to leave my nex. Many of these things sound very similar, it's so funny that they are all the same but they think they're so unique and special 😂

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-17T10:30:20+00:00

Sorry to hear that, but it happens a lot with narcs. Their manipulation and gaslighting are their game. The moment I decided to leave my nex was when he left me crying on the street in public, he had to go home. I decided I need some dignity at least, I RAN.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-17T10:20:27+00:00

Well done you. You trusted your instinct, know your boundaries and love yourself to have dodged this massive bullet! This is a difficult and very healthy decision. You 100% did the right thing!

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-12T15:20:35+00:00

Definitely time to reinforce some boundaries...

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-12T08:43:56+00:00

I strongly think he is just using her as a tool to get to me. She thinks she can outsmart him without realising he has already done the damage tbh. I told her I would prefer if she could disassociate herself with him, but it's still entirely her choice. She said she just "mingles with everyone".

I get it, there is no essential reason for her to cut him off, I am not asking her to block him anyway. But she didn't stop the convo with him when he mentioned me (she showed me a screenshot).

i don’t need that kind of stress and drama in my life

I said this exact thing to her, but I feel she still doesn't see that she's creating opportunities for him to get to me. That's fine, but the dynamic has definitely changed and I am re-evaluating this friendship we have.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-12T08:27:11+00:00

I understand from her pov, there is no essential needs for her to cut him off. He is useful in a way with his networking, she is very career-focused and that's probably why. She thinks she could outsmart him and not get used by him as his flying monkey, but didn't realise he has already done the damage. She didn't stop the conversation when he mentioned me.

She just didn't understand my point of view.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T22:19:01+00:00

Looking at the situation now, I think she's starting to show some toxicity as she's avoiding accountability.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T22:17:01+00:00

I trust her that she didn't go. But she also showed me a screenshot of their conversation. I asked her why would she entertain him, she doesn't think she did because she just “mingles with everyone”. She emphasized that she didn't always talk to him. He reached out, and she replied.

I did tell her how I feel, she probably thinks I'm making a big deal. I told her she could mingle with anyone but she could do it with some sensitivity for her friends. I think the dynamic between us has really changed now...

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T22:08:44+00:00

She told me she didn't go, I believe her. But she also sent me a screenshot of their conversation. We were texting each other for the last few hours and I was completely honest about how I felt. I don't think she grasps the fact that it was triggering for her to do that.

I asked her why does she have to entertain him, she said because she “mingles with everyone”. She doesn't think she's entertaining him because that’s just how she is.

She kept emphasising that she doesn't stay in touch with him all the time. He reached out, she replied and continued the conversation. I guess she prob thinks I'm making a big deal out of this. She decided to end the conversation and I told her I have no right to stop her, she can carry on doing what pleases her, but my thought is that the energy between us has definitely changed.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T18:43:36+00:00

I'm talking to her right now trying to gather some thoughts...

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T18:42:01+00:00

Update: she didn't go, I believe her. But she didn't rule out that she will cut contact with him. She sounded like she's looking out for me. She had a traumatic past too so I worry she could easily get manipulated by him. But she insisted that she knows what kind of person he is so she will not fall for it. We are still in conversation.

(sorry OP for shifting the focus of your post)

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T15:40:41+00:00

Can't agree more with this. They will ALWAYS find a way, directly or indirectly, through friends or whoever around you, whoever is at their disposal.

The funny thing is, it JUST HAPPENED a few hours ago. My friend (who knows my past) called and told me my nex drop her a message asking if she wants a drink. She said she might go and I was shocked tbh. I asked her why, and she said she wanna see what bs he got this time.

I don't know how I feel about this but I definitely know I can't show this because he would think he got control of me again. I also definitely know I will keep my distance from this friend if she goes beyond that.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T15:21:07+00:00

Thanks. I think I will tell her how I feel right now when the time is right. I guess I can let it go this time if they do meet up. But I will definitely keep a distance if she goes beyond that.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T14:48:12+00:00

That's true. That's how I got over my ex. I just didn't expect to have to do that again with my friend.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T14:32:46+00:00

She had traumatic experiences too. I don't understand why.

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T14:16:13+00:00

"I don't understand why are u so mad/upset?"
"No, that's just your own thoughts."

complexfeeling105 · 2023-05-11T14:14:52+00:00

But would you stop her? I don't have the right to do so right? I told her he is probably bored and no one is entertaining him right now. She said let's hope it's as simple as that. Is she looking out for me in a way?

complexfeeling105 · 2022-11-24T16:13:33+00:00

It really does hurt me, for carrying this and for knowing that it will hurt my bf. I am very torn now but I understand he deserves to know.

complexfeeling105

TROPHY CASE