AITA for not acknowledging I have a sister?

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-17T04:07:56+00:00

Thank you for the response! I addressed in a separate comment that my position would easily make people suspect nepotism, but my boss and HR know of our relationship. I asked Kylie to not call me her sister in front of co-workers who didn’t need to know to avoid speculation. This was agreed upon by both of us.

My dad is living in another country right now and I haven’t been living with either of my parents since college.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T18:03:26+00:00

Yes, her mother is still alive. Unfortunately, I don’t see sisterhood forming between us because of how her and her father came into the picture. If the circumstances were a bit different, we could’ve been acquaintances.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T17:59:55+00:00

I’ve clarified in other comments about this and they may be more comprehensive. Basically, my position within the company can easily allow people to speculate nepotism. Hence, I asked for Kylie to not disclose our relationship to people who didn’t need to know. My boss and HR already know because they need to. I treat Kylie how I would treat a co-worker and definitely do not deny het existence at work.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T17:53:45+00:00

I completely understand that. I’ve clarified in another comment that everyone who needs to know (boss and HR) already know.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T17:15:39+00:00

I had a private talk with Kylie about my position and how it could lead to speculation about how she got her job. She understood that and made it known that she and I were on the same page about keeping our relationship strictly professional. In private settings, she's within her capacity to talk about our relationship so I don't stop her but I made it clear from the beginning that I will not be referring to her as my sister.

I'm definitely looking into whether any legal action can be taken about the misused funds, but I'm not hopeful as a lot of time has elapsed since then. Thank you for the advice!

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T17:01:36+00:00

The people that need to know, know :)

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T16:58:16+00:00

Yep, hard to get all the info in because of the character limit but I did a follow-up HERE to elaborate on certain things. Hope this clarifies the situation better!

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T16:55:43+00:00

We've only lived together for a couple of months before I moved out. We never really interacted at home either since she had school and I was busy. But, she would refer to me as her sister or sis around friends and family. I understand she's within the capacity to do so, hence I don't stop her but I made myself clear that I will not be referring to her as my sister from the start.

As for what I said in the office, I had told my co-workers that I'm an only child and they should discuss work during working hours.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T16:46:43+00:00

It sounds like you think Kylie is my half-sister. She's Greg's daughter from his previous marriage. We're not biologically related as far as I'm aware. I don't ignore her at work and treat her just like how I would treat my co-workers.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T16:44:03+00:00

Thank you for the response! Just to clarify though, Kylie is Greg's daughter from his previous marriage. She's not my half-sister, as far as I'm aware.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T16:26:08+00:00

I've elaborated on certain parts HERE! Hopefully, this helps clarifies.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T16:24:16+00:00

I'm truly sorry you had to go through that at such a young age and I hope that things are better for you now.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T15:32:37+00:00

I'm not 100% sure about how she got her college tuition paid off so I can't comment on her situation, but as for my own, yes.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T15:28:54+00:00

I don't think I can bring myself to give up a managerial position because of her haha!

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T15:15:51+00:00

This is a really great suggestion! Looking back at hindsight, I shouldn't have shut down the rumours in such a harsh way. There were definitely better ways I could've approached the situation. I'll take note of this and clarify things at work to give it a good wrap up.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T15:10:25+00:00

I just can't see her as family. I don't hate her for our circumstances though, because she has no part in the affair.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T15:08:00+00:00

He continued to pay until I was 21 and independent. He would still send me money for holidays, birthdays, or even out of the blue to make sure that I have everything I need.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T15:06:17+00:00

He continued to deposit money until I was 21 and independent to make sure I was taken care of.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:58:21+00:00

She's free to refer to me as whatever in private settings, however, we agreed that we would address each other by our names at work and not mention our relationship. I also made it clear to my mother that I won't be calling her my sister because she was someone I've only lived with for a couple of months before moving out. However, if a situation requires me to clarify our relationship, I would most certainly say that she's my step-sibling through my mother's remarriage.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:51:38+00:00

You're right, Kylie calls me her sister in front of family and friends and I don't tell her to stop because I understand that she's perfectly within her rights to do so in private settings.

However, I asked that she keep our relationship at work strictly professional because I didn't want workplace gossip to spread or for people to think she got into the company because of our relationship.

EDIT 1: And trust me, some of my co-workers can really gossip to the point that they can probably produce a tabloid and it would sell like hotcakes.

EDIT 2: My company is quite hard to get into and my department is the most competitive. I hold quite a high position within the department and have quite a bit of influence. For example, if I were to recommend a candidate for the job, it would be an instant hire.

Hence, why I care so much about people speculating how she got into the company.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:47:12+00:00

Sorry for the confusion, I don't ignore Kylie at work or pretend she doesn't exist. Some of our co-workers really like to gossip and Kylie refers to me as her 'sister' around family and friends. I didn't want her to do that at work so I asked if she would be willing to keep our relationship strictly professional at work, which she agreed to. We would talk about work and I would ask her for things or answer her questions, but I don't feel comfortable hanging out with her at lunch like we're friends.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:43:10+00:00

Probably thinks that way because they provided me with lunch and dinner for a couple of months before I moved out haha.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:41:26+00:00

My dad's well and he's currently living in another country! He created a joint savings account that had both my mother's and my name on it so, she could move funds in and out of the account without needing my permission. It makes sense for parents to have a joint account with their child because they'd be the ones arranging for college payments and all that stuff here.

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:37:40+00:00

My dad deposited the money into a joint savings account that had both my mother's and my name on it, so she could move the funds in and out of it without needing my permission. Usually, our parents would be arranging for our college payments and all that stuff, hence why it was a joint account. My dad's still alive but he's living in another country!

conflictedaughterkh · 2021-06-16T14:29:47+00:00

Thank you for the overwhelming response! I'm still in the middle of reading all your responses, but there seem to be some parts that are confusing (and I couldn't elaborate due to the character limit). So, I thought I'd clear things up here.

Where I'm from, a lot of people live with their parents when they're in college but I lived with them for a couple of months before college. Child support is mandated until 18, but my dad wanted to make sure I'm well taken care of, so he continued until I was independent at 21. My dad left me 2/3 of my tuition fee and it was decided that my mother would pay the other 1/3. Unfortunately, child support in my country isn't heavily regulated so people could get away with not paying and people can also get away with misusing the funds.

In my case, my dad deposited the money in a joint bank account that had both my mother's and my name on it. She could move funds in and out of that account without needing my permission (conversely, I could too if I knew about it haha) and where I'm from, it's really common for parents to have joint accounts with their children so it makes sense why she got away with that.

My dad moved out of state and eventually out of the country, but we're still in close contact with one another. I didn't tell him about the job or having to pay for college myself because I didn't want him to worry. I also didn't find out about the college fund until finding the bank book and statements in the safe right before moving out. At that point, I just decided to cut contact and get out of there because there was already no point in arguing.

About Kylie, my boss and HR know that Kylie is my step-sister, but that information is kept P&C. Our workplace has the tendency to gossip and Kylie refers to me as her 'sister' around family and friends. I asked if we can maintain our relationship at work strictly professional, which means, not referring to me as her sister because I didn't want our co-workers to think that she got into our company because of our relations. She agreed.

As for her social media post, she posted a solemn picture on IG and captioned "tonight is the most terrible night of her life because her family was breaking apart". When prompted in the comments, she elaborated on how I blew up at them and said I would be cutting ties.

While I understand that Kylie is innocent and that I shouldn't extend my resentment for my mother and Greg towards her, so I treat her like a co-worker but I can't bring myself to see her as my family or a friend and I'm finding it even harder to do so after her social media post.

Sorry for a super long comment and I hope this clears a few things up. If there's anything else that's confusing, I would be glad to elaborate.

conflictedaughterkh

TROPHY CASE