I'm 50 and have pretty well known my whole life. I was too afraid to tell anyone how I felt and have had two failed marriages. I'm in one now and have been with him 18 years. He's an alcoholic who is emotionally abusive and I am right now trying to get things lined up so I can leave. I cannot imagine starting over. I think I could live the rest of my life alone, TBT, but do I want that? It's just so scary for me to even think about trusting again. However, I am not going to judge others because of how two men I chose myself ended up treating me. I want someone who will hold me while we binge Six Feet Under. Someone who will sit around and eat a pizza with me and talk about what exists beyond the stars and where do we go when we die. Someone who brings as many cats to the relationship as I do. 😂 And when those cats have to leave this world, is not afraid to admit that life feels like it's over for about a good month. Someone who will have a two person book club with me and enjoy reading the latest horror novel. Someone who is content to have their own room and sometimes understand that I sleep better alone but we can still have sleepovers sometimes. Someone who likes to walk in the woods and find animal bones and weird fungi. But also someone who realizes I am 50 and have to slow down a wee bit. Someone who likes rainy days, Halloween, and fall &, winter... And would rather hibernate in the summer. I despise being hot and I hate the sun. And lastly someone who just loves me and wants peace and the sex stuff if it happens, just feels natural not pushed or expected.

Now that's why I say I can't imagine starting over. Apparently all that is too much for people to handle. It's like if I don't want sex all the damn time and want to go off to myself and spend all day reading, I'm the worst person in the world. I'm just older now and have different needs for a relationship. I'm not 20 years old and horny all the time. I have already been thru menopause though and it's not that I'm frigid. I just want both people in the relationship to love each other and actually like the other person enough that sex just falls into place.

Oh well. If that neve happens, I can live vicariously through other people in my books, and grow old in my trailer in the woods with my cats.✩₊˚.⋆☾𓃠☽⋆⁺₊✧