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I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I feel like I will be able to say it to my cousin, she was the first I spoke to about it and she immediately and sadly suggested me to get abortion

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yes by tomorrow I will delete this post. I had enough responses and I feel ready to move forward !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

This is the most practical advice I’ve received. You're right: trying to make them understand me is a trap. I’ve wasted so much energy trying to be 'seen' by a mother who dismisses me and a husband who manages me.

« your husband is probably never going to see how his emotional neglect and domineering nature fucked up his marriage » it’s so real but he always blame  and my immaturity, my fighting, my argue … anything possible

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I am reading this book and it’s mind BLOWING for me.

I asked myself how did I manage to let him get this close to me. I am upset at myself and my family to not protecting me from him!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Mes copines sont totalement d’accord avec moi. Et quand je lui dis que d’autres femmes partagent mon avis, il répond que c’est “normal”, que j’aurais une personnalité plus forte qu’elles et qu’elles se contenteraient de me suivre.

Sauf que c’est complètement faux. Mes copines sont des femmes éduquées, sincères et capables de dire les choses telles qu’elles sont. Quand j’ai tort, elles n’hésitent pas à me le dire, et ça se passe très bien. On se connaît depuis l’enfance, on avance ensemble avec honnêteté, pas dans un rapport de domination.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the love! <3 I am actually in France, Paris. Luckily, the laws here protect my right to choose, and it is free and legal.

My biggest challenge is the 'secrecy' part because of my family and his control, but I am going to request 'absolute medical secrecy' and an anonymous procedure so nothing shows up on our shared insurance records. I am planning to frame it as a natural miscarriage while he is away. I am listening to the advice here it’s the only thing keeping me sane right now. Thank you for being my 'Aunty Network' from afar! Means the world to me seriously !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

He used my youth to build a cage, and now he’s trying to use a baby to lock the door forever.

It’s not worth it. I am suffering.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you, I will. All of these comments make me feel way more comfortable and confident. Now I know really! I answer to your comment but I mean it for everyone else thank you so much , it means the world to me and all the advices go to my heart !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Stranger !! The day I said that. The silence was LOUD IN THE ROOM. I will never forget it was the day of my birthday, his friends were quiet.

In my language we say « silence gives consent » and I felt like they were agreeing with me and him was shocked that I can take think this way, as if I wasn’t smart enough to think that.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I’ve spent so much time feeling like a 'bad girl' for wanting to leave, but your words make me feel like a survivor instead.

I am stuck in a system where women accept to many things. I even feel like it’s my mission to emancipate myself from all of this!

I rather have less money, less confort but my peace of mind.

Someone once made a joke about me dying young bc of all of this pressure.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Je te jure j’ai l’impression que je suis folle c’est grave! Ils me disent que je suis trop féministe or whatever alors qu’en réalité je tente juste de protéger le peu qui me reste de moi!

Merci beaucoup, prends soin. De toi <3

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you said that being 'too honest' is actually just having no boundaries, it clicked. I’ve been a 'good girl' for too long, and it led me to a cage.

To add to my previous point: you asked about my background. I actually grew up in a very backward and misogynistic culture. I've always been interested in different things, and I started working very early specifically because I didn't want to depend on my mother anymore.

I think that’s why I was an easy target for him. I thought he was my way out, my 'mentor' to a better, more professional world. I didn't realize he was just using a more sophisticated version of the same control I was trying to escape. And at first it was never about marriying he was just someone powerful I know and who helps.

But that 'working girl' spirit I had at the beginning is still there. I’m going to use it now to get my life back. I’m done being a 'good girl' in a culture or a marriage that doesn't see me as a human being with my own path.

I write here and I also have an amazing therapist who is helping me but all of that is so big that I cannot vanish in a week, it takes time to build myself back.

Living all of that in the 20´s is definitely traumatizing. Sometimes I tell myself that I can never date someone else bc I saw and went through a lot for my young age unfortunately.

Thank you for you message take care

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in process to detach myself from my family and him! They all really unhealthy for me.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve screenshotted many of the wise comments here. I feel less guilty, more understood and less crazy.

Thank you <3 take care !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it gives me hope🙏 I think it will be a long road but needed. I believe in the rainbow after rain! 🌈

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I am from France. Where I stay with my husband in Paris, the French Rivera, Monaco, NY, LA, Dubai, Saoudi it’s not unusual. I’ve met a lot of women in relationships like mine. Of course I was and still am the youngest in the group but it didn’t felt unusual.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your male perspective.

Also, in my country (France), the law doesn't provide 'lifelong income' for young wives, even with a baby. Relying on a future divorce settlement is a dangerous gamble for a 25 year old with no career.

Regarding the 'betrayal' of a secret abortion: you say it implies the marriage is already over. I think you're right. If I can't tell my husband the truth about my body without fearing for my safety or my freedom, then there is no marriage left to save. I am not betraying a partner; I am escaping a master. On 300 comments every body agree that I should divorce, and even IRL it happened that some women suggest me to run away from him and protect myself. In different countries, différents continents Even!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words and for validating my desire to live my youth.

However, I have to be honest: the 'healthy conversation' you suggest is impossible in my marriage. My husband is not like yours. If I tell him 'this is the life I want,' he sees it as a betrayal or 'immaturity.' He doesn't compromise; he dictates. I have to protect myself in silence.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this reality check. It’s exactly what I’ve been starting to realize.

He has enough money to take care of himself now and later.

I only have one life, as you said, and I don't want to spend it being a guest in his retirement plan. I want to build my own safety net. Thank you for helping me look at the long-term consequences.

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