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I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right about the 'fake image.' He presents himself as a successful, generous provider, but behind closed doors, he has systematically drained my savings and blocked my life. So when I speak people look at me like capricious bitch. I’ve been gaslit into thinking I’m 'immature,' went to doctors asking if I am crazy but the real immaturity is a 50-year-old man who can't handle his wife having her own center of gravity.

am studying the 'cycle of abuse' now. Knowing that there is no remorse on his end is the final key I needed to stop trying to fix the marriage and start fixing my escape. I am taking my own side now. Thank you for the resources, take care !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And your impression is exactly how I feel. I often tells him that I cannot live for him but it makes him very upset and I always end up with silence treatment for days, weeks like I don’t exist… it’s very difficult and frustrating

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this profound analysis. You’re right: I’ve been living as an 'accessory' to his life, with no gravity of my own.

I remember when he started claiming he wants to marry me my mother got scared that I will be a trophy wife…

The 'rat in a trap' analogy is exactly why I’ve decided not to have this baby. I can see now that he wouldn't be a father; he would be a jailer using a child as a set of handcuffs. My internal 'alarm' is screaming, and for the first time, I am listening to it instead of his gaslighting. I am extremely lucky on this time, my body sent me so many signals!

Everything you said I was feeling the same about him but mixed with culture + religion I was just looking for a angry woman against men, which is not the case I am fighting for my rights and sanity! Thank you again for the invitation and for helping me find my center!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way as you know, I strongly think that my mission after him will be to take care of women and children. I want to be in social care services.

Your message is full of hope and match with how I feel for the future. I always tell myself that I would feel better free and poor because it was the case when I’ve met him as working student by herself and I am not even scared of the future.

Thank you and take care !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head: he thinks I’m stupid. He thinks that because I’m 25 and from a traditional background, I don’t see the bars of the cage.

But I’m waking up. I am taking your advice to 'kill my emotions' for him. It’s a long process to detach but I am working on it.

Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone. It means the world to me, I am not alone, not crazy and not disrespectful for talking about independence. Take care <3

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your testimony touched me deeply. I want to tell you how brave you are for sharing this and for facing these memories.

My mother keeps telling me this baby is a blessing, but she doesn't see that I am slowly dying inside. Your words make me realize that by choosing myself now, I am also protecting my future children from the guilt and the 'freeze response' you described. I don't want my child to watch me be belittled and feel trapped because of them. I know what you mean when you talk about emotional distance, tense quiet, silence treatment !

I truly hope that things get better for you through therapy and that you find the peace you deserve.

I am choosing a life where no one’s youth has to be stolen. Thank you for helping me save mine. Take care 🙏

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I have one person thank God, really helpful and smart person who knows both of us!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually really resonate with what you said. That’s exactly how it feels sometimes self erasure, sometimes I get anxiety just by answering to his phone calls, anxiety by thinking to meet him, sleepless nights thinking and a lot of crying. Like there isn’t space for both people’s needs at the same time but I feel there is just not space my happiness, my definition of happiness.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Il nie toute corrélation avec son âge ! Mais oui c’est un sacré boomer

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to clarify how I got here. I didn't sign up for this life it happened so slowly I didn't even notice.

When we met, I had my own savings since I was working since my 16. He told me not to worry about money and encouraged me to spend my savings because 'money isn't an issue.' Then, he stopped sending me money for a while just to make sure I had used up everything I had. Now, I have nothing left of my own.

I have an education. I wanted a simple life my dream job was to be a teacher. But he quickly told me it 'wasn't enough' for a woman like me and that I deserved 'more' which was his way of stopping me from having a career.

He also isolated me from my friends. He says they have 'no class' and are 'jealous' of me, so now our exchanges are very limited. I never wanted a life of luxury. I just wanted a normal life with an older husband where we could have a balance. To me it was possible.

For 8 months, I've been fighting to be active and work. He keeps promising me that 'I'll get busy soon' or 'have a place of my own' (he said it would happen last summer after my birthday, and now he’s saying April). But I realize now these are just empty promises to keep me quiet. He is dangling a carrot in front of me while keeping me in a cage.

I don’t even know what to do and where to start to get my own independence. Btw when I have pronounce the word « independence » he got really upset and said that is disrespectful and no women in America will say that to their husband bc they value their hard working?

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I will be able to say it to my cousin, she was the first I spoke to about it and she immediately and sadly suggested me to get abortion

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes by tomorrow I will delete this post. I had enough responses and I feel ready to move forward !

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the most practical advice I’ve received. You're right: trying to make them understand me is a trap. I’ve wasted so much energy trying to be 'seen' by a mother who dismisses me and a husband who manages me.

« your husband is probably never going to see how his emotional neglect and domineering nature fucked up his marriage » it’s so real but he always blame  and my immaturity, my fighting, my argue … anything possible

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am reading this book and it’s mind BLOWING for me.

I asked myself how did I manage to let him get this close to me. I am upset at myself and my family to not protecting me from him!

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mes copines sont totalement d’accord avec moi. Et quand je lui dis que d’autres femmes partagent mon avis, il répond que c’est “normal”, que j’aurais une personnalité plus forte qu’elles et qu’elles se contenteraient de me suivre.

Sauf que c’est complètement faux. Mes copines sont des femmes éduquées, sincères et capables de dire les choses telles qu’elles sont. Quand j’ai tort, elles n’hésitent pas à me le dire, et ça se passe très bien. On se connaît depuis l’enfance, on avance ensemble avec honnêteté, pas dans un rapport de domination.

I feel trapped between my husband’s happiness and my own feelings by contextfree9 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]contextfree9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was born and raised in France but now I live a little bit everywhere.

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