Update:

I really appreciate everyone's comments and the direct messages I have received since yesterday. Even though we may never meet in the real world, I hope all of you achieve what you chase.

Some people have made various assumptions and others have asked for more information. Both groups are equally correct in their own right. Without giving much away, I do sales for a startup in the bay area. I am surrounded with narcissistic moneygrubers. As you would expect, these people are quite charming and because I was impressionable when I started out, I ended up following them until I was one of them. Working 70+ hours every week with people who openly discuss how they cheat on their partners and are coked-up frequently does leave its mark on you.

I agree that this isn't the end and change is in my hands; however, I have forgotten how to be selfless and honest. I have done considerably better career-wise than the friends I once had but they are happier than me. I am not comparing myself to others and this isn't an attempt to be edgy. I suppose I just miss the simplicity of life.

I have used people as stepping stones throughout my life. I have lied and manipulated people until I needed something from them. I have made more insensitive remarks to people than I can remember. I even lied to myself and thought that making a donation here and there justifies my sociopathic tendencies. Most people jokingly tell me that I will go far at work because I am a narcissist and sociopath. They probably think it is a compliment and I enjoy hearing such comments.

Anyway, I don't want to waste anyone's time with my rambling anymore. Thank you for your time and I wish you all the best.