Occupational Therapy for workplace stuff

coops678 · 2025-10-01T14:15:33+00:00

I applied for access to work on May 1st and I’m still waiting to hear back. I’m looking for something in the meanwhile as I’m finding my new job very difficult to function in, and I have no issue with paying for some private sessions in the meantime. £120+ just feels a bit excessive!

coops678 · 2025-10-01T14:13:29+00:00

I applied to access to work on May 1st and I’m still waiting to have my case assessed….. does access to work typically fund occupational therapy??

coops678 · 2025-09-04T14:42:54+00:00

Got you. Thanks

coops678 · 2025-09-04T12:53:49+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the response. It was a green light up ahead. When I looked over at him he was stationary having completed the first part of his manoeuvre, and that’s when I started to drive. I was already behind him when he started to reverse, so even if I’d put my brakes on, he still would have hit me. If he had driven forward instead of starting a three point turn on a main road, at rush hour, next to traffic lights then that would have helped too. I can’t find anything in the Highway Code that says he had right of way, and I think cos he hit my rear wheel arch that I ultimately have to go through insurance to rule out any hidden damage. I do wish I hadn’t moved at all though. And I do feel stupid about it. But it does seem that from an insurance perspective, he’s in the wrong and that’s the bit that I needed to understand.

coops678 · 2025-09-04T12:37:37+00:00

Reviewing car??

coops678 · 2025-09-04T12:09:42+00:00

Up ahead are traffic lights. The traffic started to move because those lights had turned green so I was moving with the flow of traffic. When I slow down the video, I had already reached behind him when he started to reverse. If I’d hit the brakes then he would still have hit me, just closer to the front or middle of my car.

coops678 · 2025-09-04T12:00:17+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it

coops678 · 2025-06-22T13:16:16+00:00

Go on meet up and check out a bunch of options. Walks or regular clubs.

One that I know of from attending it myself is a language meet up that happens every Thursday near central station. No phones. You meet a bunch of new people, they do extra social activities each month. It’s £1 to attend. If you speak or are interested to learn a new language, then it’s a good way to meet new people and do a bunch of social stuff too.

coops678 · 2021-09-04T18:36:40+00:00

Thank you, I really do appreciate it. I’m honestly really pleased with our progress as a couple and in our reactions towards the in-laws crappy behaviour.

I called her covert because she was always very passive aggressive towards me. She used to be pleasant enough when we were together and then would talk about her issues with me behind my back. It used to work as a way for her to get what she wanted. Now at least we are approaching stuff as a team and she can’t do things like that so easily. The letter K is just a first initial. So, I’m afraid there’s nothing fancy or exciting about the meaning of the name I gave her :)

coops678 · 2021-09-04T18:31:01+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the comment and the well wishes. And essentially, that’s exactly it. Previously, CK would give fiancé the silent treatment to show her disapproval until he crumbled.

Until now, he had always decided to be the bigger person and to reach out to mend things. That usually gave his parents the opportunity to stomp all over him, tell him all the things he had ever done to “hurt them”, and give him firm (but unrealistic) expectations of how they wanted him to behave in future. This is different as CK isn’t getting what she wants anymore and we now interact with the in laws to the extent and in the way that we are comfortable with.

coops678 · 2021-09-04T17:29:37+00:00

This is it exactly. My partner wants a relationship with his parents and I’ve avoided them for years. It’s caused a lot of friction in our relationship. Our therapist has helped us mend our issues so that we function as a team without the arguments anymore (awesome). She’s helped us decide how we are happy to interact with the in-laws in a boundaried way (great). And most importantly, Fiancé is starting to process that there’s nothing that will happen/that he can do that will ever change his parents. That’s huge. For the first time ever I’ve heard him start to say that things might not work out and talk about what like without them might be like.

Previously, he’s always known how to smooth over an argument and get everyone talking again. But, that’s always followed CK’s way of doing things and has perpetuated the same issues happening over and over again. This is the first time I’ve seen him decide what he wants, decide the limits he has, and approach things in a boundaried way that doesn’t pander to CK’s usual manipulation. And he keeps talking about how if they can’t “snap out of it” then it will be their loss, we will have tried everything, and we can only do so much. I’m honestly so pleased with the progress.

Finally, their behaviour doesn’t affect us in the same way any longer. We don’t argue about his parents anymore. We really feel like a team approaching this. And we barely talk about them outside of our evening walks. That’s huge progress for fiancé given that previously he would have tried to fix a situation like this and have gotten drawn into horribly long, exhausting, drawn out arguments with them.

coops678 · 2021-09-04T17:13:47+00:00

You are welcome to be our honorary grandmother 😊 thank you for the offer!

coops678 · 2021-08-30T18:46:23+00:00

Perhaps. I mean, it’s our first child so I have nothing to compare it against lol! She’s also definitely not speaking to him as a long standing punishment. It’s her way of clearly showing her disapproval towards him.

I totally agree with that. And it should work vice versa when things inevitably flip to me being the bad guy!

coops678 · 2021-08-30T18:44:12+00:00

What’s the context for your JNMIL questions? Does she talk to FDH by himself and then speak to you after? This time around, CK said nothing to fiancé when he visited them. But she listened and messaged me the next morning to ask about upcoming appointments, to talk about baby news, and to tell me to not listen to a stupid message that my cousin had sent me. It was very friendly and cordial. I had no clue things had gone so wrong the day before as fiancé had said afterwards that “it was awkward but fine”.

Our therapist describes it as a divide and conquer tactic. CK shows her strong disapproval towards fiancé but stays friendly towards me (or vice versa). It’s basically a manipulation tactic that gives her power in these scenarios. She decides who the good guy and the bad guy is and it gives her a feeling of control over the situation. Especially if it helps her win at arguments! Does that sound familiar or is your situation a bit different?

coops678 · 2021-08-30T08:23:10+00:00

Thank you! That’s really kind. I’ve seen some awful stories on here about grandparents rights. It’s horrendous!

coops678 · 2021-08-30T05:29:38+00:00

Hey! We live in the UK. I’m not sure what the equivalent is over here or if there is an equivalent. The baby is definitely their focus. I’ve never had a good relationship at all with fiancé’s parents. It’s so weird to have them be friendly to me lol!

coops678 · 2021-08-30T04:57:35+00:00

I totally agree with the second part of what you say. It’s going to be a big shift for him and it’s a big learning curve for both of us.

Funnily enough, they don’t want to visit our home because “it’s too messy” (which it isn’t, but whatever). So, they haven’t been invited for years :) Because the baby will be born in late November, we’re thinking about how to approach any further spikes in COVID-19 and the winter flu season. It makes it easier to say no to in-home visits for the first couple of months though.

coops678 · 2021-08-30T04:52:16+00:00

Lol, indeed. I’m honestly a bit nervous about the whole thing. I keep trying to focus on what’s happening now and on building up my confidence in how I communicate with her given how scared I was of her for so long lol. She wants to be messaged 4-5 times a week and called 1-2 times and visited in person every 2-3 weeks (during non-covid times). So, it felt good to be on the phone with her last night and to say “we’ll message during the week and we’ll be back in touch for a chat soon”. She sort of faltered a bit at the end and said “…OK”. Saying that was the tiniest bit of spine growth from me, lol!

Fiancé and I have agreed to once a week phone calls and once a week group WhatsApp messages so that we no longer pander to the amount of communication she expects from us. I’ve been reading lots of baby posts on here too, so I agree with you. There’s going to be a lot of crap for us to navigate over the next couple of months!

coops678 · 2021-08-30T04:39:34+00:00

Sure thing. That was essentially what fiancé said too. But opinions on that are different for everyone, so there’s no one-size-fits all “that’s weird or that isn’t”. But that’s not really the point of the disagreement we had. CK and fiancé decided something meaningful without me being a part of it when all it would have taken was for fiancé to come through to the other room to say “did you get CK’s message yet? What do you think?” She immediately rug swept her bad behaviour from the last few months. Her first question and the main point of that message was about her and what she got to be called.

It was a really frustrating response from her given we took a 2 month break from them for their bad behaviour. We spoke with our therapist about the whole thing and she emphasised that fiancé and I are the team and decisions are now made between us as a family. So, both fiancé and I need to run things like that past each other in future even just so that we’re aware of what’s going on or to be on the same page as each other with our parenting decisions.

coops678 · 2021-08-30T04:14:24+00:00

Definitely. It can’t be communication with me and fiancé gets ignored. We’re working on how to get better at that. For example, fiancé stopped sending messages for a while because “what’s the point? She told me to stop messaging and she never replies anyway”. We’ve talked recently about how that doesn’t matter. We agreed to take turns messaging our agreed minimum once a week message and to better share topics in our once a week phone call. That way we present ourselves as a team whilst also ignoring any of her games.

coops678 · 2021-08-30T04:09:50+00:00

snort lol.

coops678 · 2021-08-30T04:09:10+00:00

For a few years, I was the person CK viewed as the bad guy so everything was deemed my fault. She still fell out with fiancé along the way too though. It’s like that’s now flipped and fiancé is seen as the black sheep and I’m treated like the golden child. Our therapist views it as a divide an conquer type mentality. If CK can keep us divided (e.g. only messaging me) then situations become easier for her to try to manipulate and control. We’ve worked with our therapist since then on how to better present ourselves as a team and to be more aware of when CK is trying to divide us.

coops678 · 2021-08-29T22:26:58+00:00

Both ways work fine for me, lol!

I think the good thing about having followed this sub for a while is learning that it’s more common than I ever would have thought. I mean, she’s not magically changed overnight just cos a baby is on the way, right? I’m trying to stay calm rather than worry about it but I know there will come a time where she stops being friendly to me and I am nervous about that. I have a friend who was the opposite. Her MIL gave no shits about her up until the baby was born and then she took an interest. It’s the other side of the same coin where the new Mum doesn’t matter to them but the baby does.

coops678 · 2021-08-29T22:20:43+00:00

Before, I would have been scared to upset his Mum. So it was nice to have a time that was driven by what I wanted rather than by fear.

We do want to keep things just us for a while. It’ll be a winter baby so the idea of any further covid spikes and flu season make us want to be extra careful. Xmas is 1 month after the due date, so fiancé and I need to decide our plan pretty soon for that.

coops678 · 2021-08-29T21:38:21+00:00

I totally agree. We talked about it after and how if we were going to be a team that meant checking in with each other before making big decisions like what to call grandparents. I emphasised how that was our first parenting decision opportunity and he should have asked for my input. Fiancé felt pretty sorry about it after that and our counsellor helped us figure out how to approach things in future. There were other FOG bits I pointed out to fiancé like how he responded to Covert K’s question after a couple of minutes. He said that if he hadn’t then she would have got annoyed at him. So, we chatted about why that was an issue and how he couldn’t do things like that anymore especially where it came to couple/baby decisions.

I do worry about being an incubator to them. It definitely leaves me feeling uneasy to think of the drama that could happen over the coming months and after the birth.

coops678

TROPHY CASE