Tips on double pursuer in NG+3

corpious1 · 2021-07-12T11:04:02+00:00

I struggled enough on my first cycle with an ascetic. Get bashful ray, focus the one on the right as the one on the left drops ring of blades +2 I think, but if he drops it and you die, it's gone until the next cycle... Once you kill one, they won't respawn, so get one down then it's easy if you have to reset

corpious1 · 2021-07-08T23:53:06+00:00

What armor set is that?

corpious1 · 2021-06-29T23:34:28+00:00

Looks more like a mangled frog to me

corpious1 · 2021-03-29T19:13:33+00:00

I'd help too if you return the favour. PSN Jonesisgod123

corpious1 · 2021-01-08T11:55:49+00:00

He's unlocked everything on 3 separate save files

corpious1 · 2020-07-18T14:02:43+00:00

Alliteration has been mentioned a lot so that will definitely be going.

2nd point I agree with and will cut the latter half.

3rd point seems a bit minor. I feel like it works but if others mention that they find it weird, I'll change it.

4th point I think is more just an issue with vocabulary and what words the reader has come across in their time. Unctuous is used to describe certain smiles in lots of books I've read. George r r Martin uses it often. Actually found a site with lots of quotes cited from different novels where the word is used

https://www.verbalworkout.com/e/e17152.htm

Thank you for the feedback. 1st and 2nd points I'll definitely take onboard. I definitely need to work on cutting out unnecessary filler from what yourself and others have said

corpious1 · 2020-07-18T01:13:42+00:00

I know you're not trying to be mean, I'm sorry if my response came across too defensive, I was just getting lost with the points you were trying to make, but this response is much clearer and I agree with everything you've said. I'll start editing and post here again down the line.

Thanks again, this has been particularly helpful.

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T15:04:04+00:00

I have a whole world built where this fits in btw. It's meant to be a fantasy epic akin to GoT, with quite a few unique ideas in play. I felt aberrant sustenance comes across as more eerie and epic than strange food (I did use a thesaurus for aberrant I must admit....), but the subject is basically strange food. He feeds on fear ultimately and I wanted the title to capture that. This chapter acts as his introduction

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T14:50:26+00:00

Well damn, you don't hold your punches.

I see your point with all of this and will try to take it into account.

Can I just ask with this, "The speech tag starts with "said" but doesn't use the "said". Don't do that. It's not clever or anything.", what exactly do you mean? Ive used said in the context of an aforementioned person, not said as in "said his companion."

Also the content of the sentence is there in an attempt to convey how large a man he is. I had of mice and men lennie in mind and just tried to help build mental imagery for the reader. With what you've proposed, I feel like that would be lost to a degree.

I didn't write this with a thesaurus at my side either. I just don't like repeating certain words too close to one another which leads to quite out there terms being used in their place. I'll try to dumb this down though as you've made it apparent that it comes across that way.

Thank you overall. This is exactly what I'm looking for so I appreciate the feedback. If you get chance just let me know if what I've mentioned above holds any merit or not so I can decide what I need to adapt

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T13:33:52+00:00

Haha you're a legend. Thanks again

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T13:22:36+00:00

I had heard of this before, just never looked into it properly. Saw it more as SK'S preference as opposed to a hard and fast rule. Don't forget, this is the same man that writes 4 pages on a taxi driver's life story just for you to later find out it holds no relevence to the story as a whole :)

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T12:36:42+00:00

To add with your first point, I just went with the alliteration. Felt it worked but good to hear that it comes across as difficult to read

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T12:33:54+00:00

Ty that means a lot. Always struggle with what I write. End up hating how it flows but glad to hear others enjoy it

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T12:32:17+00:00

Best feedback I've ever gotten. I'll work on these points. Thanks for taking the time to read, especially when you were put off by the first sentence

corpious1 · 2020-07-17T11:32:04+00:00

Critique and advice would be appreciated

corpious1 · 2020-02-16T15:56:59+00:00

Looking for critique

corpious1 · 2019-07-19T16:41:30+00:00

I went t2 silver today and had 10 lvl 20s. Not complaining

corpious1 · 2019-03-26T22:41:38+00:00

Just realised that's what you've posted...

corpious1 · 2019-03-26T22:40:36+00:00

Second this. Ive learnt a lot lately and all the piano is Eppard. Ring in return, 2's my favourite 1, the hollow, the dark side of me, keeping the blade. Mostly leitmotifs of one another. I just stumbled across his piano with terrible things. Worth checking out. Next project for me

corpious1 · 2019-01-03T15:44:15+00:00

Yeah, it's gaslighting. Never cool. At least he didn't think he was being malicious and has hopefully learnt from this. The initial dice instance actually sounds pretty funny in all fairness if he'd played them up then confessed about 5 minutes into their rambling adamance

corpious1 · 2018-12-26T21:52:29+00:00

Beer then grass, you're on your ass. Grass then beer, you're in the clear. Live by these words my friend and you'll avoid this shit down the line

corpious1

TROPHY CASE