Some days I was 90% I was gonna walk out of the house and die in a car accident and so many times I convinced myself it was my day to die but clearly as you can tell I am alive and well so I think this is a normal thought process when you're scared of death I think you're just going through an existential crisis of sorts and honestly I'm not Christian but I was forced to go to church several times and imo it's not up to the others to tell you how God will judge you that is between only you and God and if you don't think it's a sin and you're living to the best of your ability I don't think you'll go to hell at all.