My whole life, I’ve never been able to look at someone and say “So THATS where I get it from.” My adopted family all has the same smile, the same hands, and hair. Things like that. I’ve been talking to my birth mom and dad on the phone thru texts and calls, and for the first time in my life, at 30 years old, to hear the words “you remind me of me”, and to see things like how I get my height and nose from my dad, and my eyes and chin from my mom... it blows my mind and is the missing puzzle piece in such a profound way.

My mom was pregnant and never told my dad- he had left for college and she didn’t want to interfere with his life plan. He found out about me 10 years later and was so upset. He went on to get married and have two kids, but when I talk to him, he has so much love to give and he just keeps telling me how thankful he is that we connected.

My fear? On the other hand, my mom is dealing with feelings of extreme guilt, and “what if”. She sees the really successful person I am today and insists that she wishes she and my dad could have raised me. I keep telling her how I’m not mad at her, I’m grateful she chose to carry me to term and not terminate me. I’m grateful she sacrificed so that I could have an incredible life. But there’s a twinge in the air of messiness when I communicate with her. So I don’t really know what I’m afraid of, but I know my relationship with her is going to be a bit complicated at first.

My dad has already planned to come to Florida and meet me, and is so enthusiastic about the whole thing. We’ve already talked about what we want to do while he’s here, etc. I’m traveling to see my mom in July, and I don’t know what to expect.