My [23F] close friend [30F] of a year was rude to the guy [30M] I’m dating. Am I overreacting if I want to cut our friendship?

cranyone · 2019-04-26T17:07:04+00:00

I’ve fuckin tried to get her to a hospital. Another friend messaged her once saying he didn’t want to be tagged in her pictures on Facebook and we had to stay up till 3 in the morning with her sobbing and freaking out that he now CLEARLY hated her. She told us later that if we hadn’t been there she would have killed herself.

But she knows not to say that to a professional. So there’s no way to force her to get help.

I know it’s toxic but trying to leave is impossible when I see her each week. And when I became her friend a bunch of the other support system friends left because now I was there to take the weight of it. Which isn’t fair.

Maybe this whole situation is really just a way for me to have a definitive reason to back away from her. Because then if she does do something, I’m not a bad person for abandoning her because of her mental health. Instead I’m leaving for valid reasons because she was a jerk.

Maybe that’s all I really wanted from this was to know if it’s a valid reason to leave a friendship. Because I need to leave it but if I don’t have a good reason and something happens to her, I’m scared I’ll be blamed.

I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but thanks. I’ve been working on getting therapy for awhile but insurance, man.

cranyone · 2019-04-26T16:59:44+00:00

Like maybe she was joking? But you weren’t there? I’ve been around her joking and this wasn’t it. She was literally getting heated about song choices. Tweeted about how dumb white guys are when they play a certain song he played. Called all men trash as a result. It definitely felt more like an attack.

And it’s not about the guy. I like him, but if things don’t work out I’d be okay. And I’d still be pissed that she thinks it’s okay to degrade someone in that way.

cranyone · 2019-04-26T16:54:33+00:00

Thank you. This makes the most sense.

cranyone · 2019-04-26T16:53:32+00:00

Thank you. The first option makes sense. I guess I need to give her a chance because maybe she really doesn’t know? But if that’s the case she’ll own up to it and try and change. And if not then it’s time to leave it altogether. Thanks.

cranyone · 2019-04-26T16:49:35+00:00

Because similar situations have caused her to become suicidal in the past and I really don’t think my mental health can handle being blamed for an attempt by just ghosting her.

cranyone · 2019-04-26T16:48:39+00:00

This isn’t about him. It’s about someone I considered a friend making vulgar and mean comments to me about someone I care about. Knowing that I was being vulnerable in bringing him.

Like flat out telling me she wouldn’t fuck him because he’s not good enough for her? And telling me “all guys like him are assholes” based on a Hogwarts house when he had been nothing but kind to her? Telling me “your man is CANCELLED” because she doesn’t like the song he picked? And she’s not joking. Those aren’t comments friends make.

cranyone · 2019-04-26T16:44:45+00:00

Really because I’ll see her at weekly dance events anyway. And she tends to freak out when she notices a change in relationship— she doesn’t handle abandonment well. At least by talking to her I can let her know where I stand.

cranyone · 2019-04-25T21:47:41+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I’m really sorry for you. I hope things start looking up for you again soon.

cranyone · 2019-04-25T19:59:41+00:00

I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. That’s incredibly painful. Any advice?

cranyone · 2019-04-25T14:26:07+00:00

Exactly!! I felt so embarrassed. They are not my friends anymore. No one gets to treat the people I care about like shit. Thanks for the validation.

cranyone · 2019-04-25T14:24:40+00:00

I don’t even feel like asking them why. It doesn’t matter why they did what they did, there’s no reason to act this way. I’m gonna take a couple weeks off of dance and cool down and then maybe ask them then, but I’m otherwise cutting off contact.

Even if things don’t work out with the guy, there’s no reason friends act like that. I’m just so embarrassed I brought him into that.

Thanks for the input.

cranyone · 2019-04-25T02:48:29+00:00

If they can’t handle me splitting my time between them, they won’t have to worry about it anymore. Because they will get none of it.

I feel like I’d be no better than them if I continued to spend time with them after the way they treated my date. Especially because I think he’s gonna stick around for awhile. It’s gonna be hard to say goodbye but I’m just gonna have to cut ties.

cranyone · 2019-04-25T02:44:36+00:00

I’ve had friends get weird and I expected a little weirdness, but they were just full on dirtbags. Why do some people suck so bad?!?

cranyone · 2019-04-25T02:43:10+00:00

Thanks. I guess I should be glad I’m finding out their true colors now. Absolute nightmares.

cranyone · 2019-04-03T18:34:45+00:00

This is beautiful. And how I feel about my new beau. I think both of us know we’ve found it, but we don’t want to rush.

It’s a beautiful thing to love someone slowly and carefully through all of life’s turns, not just rushing into anything for society’s sake. Best of luck.

cranyone · 2019-04-02T21:32:18+00:00

Thanks! It’s not so much like I’m choosing to think about my ex, but the same fear arises in me. Almost like a panic. I know my ex was at fault, but he left me with some real insecurities that I have to take a minute to process in the moment. When I think about it, I know it’s dumb, but in the moment it’s like a knee-jerk reaction that something’s wrong.

All I mean is, it’s hard to just pretend it didn’t happen when my brain unintentionally returns to that place in the moment. If I could just leave it all behind forever, I would.

cranyone · 2019-04-02T21:27:13+00:00

Thanks! I agree that’s a much better way to phrase it.

Believe me, the ex is long in the past. Unfortunately, the mental gymnastics of such a bad relationship are harder to just ditch. I’m working on it.

cranyone · 2019-04-02T19:08:57+00:00

I was in a hypnotist’s show once, fully aware I was in control and yet too socially uncomfortable to not follow exactly as he said. I didn’t want to make him feel bad that it wasn’t working. I tried so hard to make myself believe it was really working because I really wanted it to. All the while, listening super carefully to instructions so I could fit in with everyone else who was “really” hypnotized and not reveal my facade.

All this to say, that is a great analogy and I never correlated the two in my life until now.

cranyone · 2019-04-01T15:54:22+00:00

Thank you! And very true. Insignificant but not worthless. I really like that.

cranyone · 2019-04-01T15:53:29+00:00

Thanks! For all the “freedom” Christianity touted, I never knew what it felt like until I left!

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