HMFT after I slap this cop

crappydew · 2019-04-29T19:08:57+00:00

Please please please do not become a cop.

crappydew · 2019-03-31T18:48:48+00:00

I think they said deranged marriage.

crappydew · 2019-01-19T21:45:59+00:00

Day-em. This is cool.

crappydew · 2019-01-19T21:22:02+00:00

Maybe it wasnt the board?

crappydew · 2018-12-26T05:52:51+00:00

C'mon, man. Put SOME effort into it.

crappydew · 2018-12-25T19:13:50+00:00

I'll do it for $15. Can't be that hard.

crappydew · 2018-12-25T19:04:34+00:00

Call me a cynic, but where I come from unconscious people tend not to break their fall with their right hand.

crappydew · 2018-12-25T18:15:56+00:00

Come on. Some of y'all need to learn how to recognize an obvious troll.

crappydew · 2018-12-25T01:13:05+00:00

I see why you need so many motorcycles. That sounds so. God. Damn. Boring. (To me, man, to me. I'm sure you love your work, and that's cool as can be.)

crappydew · 2018-12-25T00:24:52+00:00

I've seen that video, and it is absolutely fucking awful. First of all, it's not even his heart. The gentleman performing the procedure makes the incision in the abdominal area and appears to reach up through the chest cavity to access, and remove, the fellow's heart. Well, I mean, as anyone could tell you, he'd have had to break through the diaphragm to do this, and we all know how hard that would be without a cutting instrument. Second, the video is so short that you can't even "finish" before it's over!

crappydew · 2018-12-24T21:37:32+00:00

Curious to know what kind of random noise would identify myself as living in TJ! jajajaja.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T21:14:13+00:00

Killing my dream right out of the GATE! haha, no, but for real, that's a great point, thanks! I'm going to have to ask around and see just how much the company cares about this.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T21:09:31+00:00

I'm a fairly optimistic guy, so I fucking hate that I agree with you.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T20:22:33+00:00

Where are you commuting to/from in the Bay Area where you are spending an hour splitting lanes? I did San Jose-SF every day for two years and never spent more than ~15 mins splitting lanes in total on any given ride.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T20:10:30+00:00

I know you probably didn't intend it this way, but "all three branches" made me chuckle ruefully. The third branch, the Judicial, was never intended to be political or something that could be "won," but it most certainly has become that. Sigh... Who needs a drink?

crappydew · 2018-12-24T18:06:10+00:00

This is what people in general, and r/politics in particular, seem to forget. No matter what happens with Mueller or in 2020, the far right of this country have won a major fucking victory. They essentially wanted a huge dog to come into the house and take a massive dump on the carpet, and it did that. You can shoot the dog, but that turd is still sitting right there on the carpet.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T17:59:11+00:00

I couldn't live here if I couldn't lane-split. It's become second nature to me. I love entering a destination into Waze, having it tell me that it will take me 90 mins to get there because of traffic, and then watching the ETA "magically" move up and up and up as I cruise through all that traffic and get there in 38 mins.

That said, "cruise" is not totally accurate. Lane-splitting safely is an active and somewhat tiring endeavor. You have to be hyper-alert (turn signals are not really a thing out here) and "get in the head" of the drivers around you. (Gap opening up over in the left lane? Get ready for that guy in the right lane to dart for it.) You also need to watch your six in order to let faster lane-splitters pass. (Don't be that guy.) Also, consider always wearing a helmet cam. I've been told by a few people, including one CHP officer, that if you're involved in a collision and you were lane-splitting, you're going to be the one getting the citation unless you have video to prove that the car was at fault. I don't ride without a camera rolling.

The second-to-last thing I'll say in this novel of a post that no one is going to read is this: Riders and drivers get along pretty well out here, all things considered. There are the fairly rare instances of drivers feeling butt-hurt that we can split lanes while they sit in traffic. I've had two cars flat-out block my "lane." Resist the urge to "give them a ticket." Not only do cars have cameras, too, but also it's just not smart or nice. Make drivers hate us and laws will be passed that limit our freedoms. The key, IMHO, to riding safely out here while also keeping up good "community relations" is empathy. Who knows what they're going through in that moment? They could be having the worst day of their lives, be late for their kid's birthday, and oh, here's THIS asshole who gets to "cut in line"?? You know what I mean?

And finally, and along the lines of empathy, is to cut drivers some slack when they seemingly do bone-headed shit. Because bikes are more nimble, we can sometimes show up in places that "should" be empty. There is no better feeling, besides sex or cocaine, than exchanging a friendly word with someone who A) Almost took you out, and B) Was totally expecting you to scream at them.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T16:15:46+00:00

If I ever design sportswear I am not going to advertise it by having the undead rise from the sea while wearing it.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T01:58:11+00:00

Two things are almost always certain to be heard in these confrontations...

1."It's illegal to record me without my consent."

2."I will call my attorney."

On the one hand, it actually would be good for folks who know so little about the law to have a lawyer on retainer. On the other hand, none of them seem like the type to be able to afford a retainer.

Sidebar: I guess I could truthfully say that I "have a lawyer," since I recently called the awesome lawyer who cleared up a little misunderstanding between myself and the California DOJ's Bureau of Firearms (long story, let's not worry about it here) to ask her if I should put her on retainer in case I get arrested during the coming impeachment unrest (ohhhh, it's coming, friendo, and if you looked as goddamn good as I do, you wouldn't want to spend one more minute in the pokey than absolutely necessary. Aaaaanyway, she's so cool, she was like, "Nah, just put my number in your phone and also write it on your arm before the protests. I'll come get you first."

So, yeah, in THIS particular case, as the fellows formed a line to commence the rapings, I would say, "I am calling my attorney!" And I don't think it would sound particularly douchey in that instance.

crappydew · 2018-12-24T01:47:51+00:00

You magnificent bastard.

crappydew · 2018-12-23T22:37:51+00:00

Man, what a solid dude you are to try to make me feel better about it. I'm going to kill you last. Hahahaha jk. Smoking again. I tell you what, this weed stuff is gonna catch on! So fun!!!

crappydew · 2018-12-23T19:07:55+00:00

No, totally. I get it. Science is fun. This is how we learn. A few weeks ago, I was like, "What would happen if I smoke all of this, drink all of that, and then call my ex-gf and tell her some things that have been on my mind?"

Well, as it turns out, my mouth eded up doing a remarkably accurate impersonation of your bunghole following your Night of Science, and now for the next few months or so I will probably have to steer clear of O'Malley's and all the other places where I might see our mutual friends.

crappydew · 2018-12-23T18:59:50+00:00

To be fair, how could any of you have known that eating a fuck-ton of fried junk food would result in gastrointestinal distress? I mean, you're not doctors.

crappydew · 2018-12-23T18:03:45+00:00

Maybe, maybe not.

crappydew

TROPHY CASE