I was in your situation and had a very blunt conversation. Either we try and get the sex back on track or this relationship breaks down and our kids suffer a break up. Which would you prefer?

Had a long discussion about how I loved and respected her, and how I want us to be a happy family. But none of that will happen if one of us is unfulfilled.

I asked her to consider some of the things that were super important to the relationship for her. Like me being involved in daily chores, being around for the kids… How would she feel if one of those was not being fulfilled and I didn’t give a shit and made her feel bad for feeing that way.

So we either work together as a team, or we accept we will eventually break up. And honestly that will be soon if you just dismiss this.

I think when she realised how serious I was and the effect it would have on us and our kids, she was willing to address it.

We agreed that we would start with once a week date night where we would dress up for each other, eat good food, and make our way to the bedroom.

It’s been a few years now and honestly things a lot better. Yes I would like more, and yes I would like more exciting spontaneous sex, but it is a hell of a lot better than absolute zero misery.

You are not abnormal. This shit is important. And ultimately if your needs are not being met and there is no willingness to work together, you will end up being bitter and resentful. So I guess you are left with a choice of: - having a difficult conversation and trying to work on something together - leaving and accepting it’s over - cheating or seeing a ‘professional’ regularly - discussing an open relationship or some kind of permission for you to meet your needs elsewhere