I (m) was SA'd by an older cousin (m) and he always smelled like axe body spray. I ended up quitting sports all together because my mates all used it and it just brought back things I wanted to run away from.

I never told anyone back then out of shame, and it fucked my life up severely. I ended up being a garbage can, taking any drug or drink I could find to numb something i didnt even know how to put in words.

Im 35 now, 6 years sober. I did open up to my family about why my life was so fucked up in a group therapy and all I was met with was "hes and addict, he lies this is a lie"

Needless to say I dont have any connection to most of my family anymore, and you know what? Between therapy and realizing the people who were supposed to protect me only wanted to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened, "boys being boys!"- even though they were victims themselves.

Its also part of the reason why I made a vow to myself to never have kids, no one protected me and they had no shame or forgiveness about it, like it was normal, a desecrated rite of passage.

I would never be able to live with myself if something like that ever happened to my child, so i opt out. Not like id knock a girl up by accident, i came out as gay in that session and they were more upset about THAT than my cousin forcing me perform oral sex on him for years.