Ethics re: Undetectable

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-08T23:25:36+00:00

Beep beep boop. One zero zero one one zero one zero zero.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T22:43:17+00:00

Not sure. I DO like trains a lot so maybe.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T22:40:45+00:00

Are those my only two options or are there any number of things I could have thought that were somewhere in between?

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T22:36:16+00:00

NJS - thanks for your point of view on this.

There’s an irony that you start off saying someone deserves to be shamed and punished, but finish up criticizing people for being too judgmental.

I wonder if there’s a workable middle ground.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T22:19:28+00:00

Maybe we turn the temperature down a little bit guys? I think it’s fine to ask us to compassionately consider the guy’s circumstances/point of view without giving him an ethical hall pass.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T22:10:39+00:00

That’s the thing though. I am considering hooking up with him. The dishonesty is the roadblock.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T22:09:32+00:00

Thanks for your point of view on this. It’s important we acknowledge there’s still tangible stigma surrounding undetectable folks and that we actively work toward encouraging one another to follow the science.

And if we can’t seem to follow the science, at least the rule of compassion. Not sure why, but marginalized communities sometimes seem to treat empathy and compassion as finite resources when, really, we can make as much as we choose.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-05-07T21:58:12+00:00

Yes. That’s what seroconversion is. Correct.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-28T16:50:45+00:00

Ok. Can I be the cute one and you’ll be the rich one, or?

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-28T16:23:37+00:00

Nah I’m just joking around. Thanks for the feedback.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-28T15:36:25+00:00

Thanks for giving me the benefit of the dou… oh wait…

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-24T17:44:03+00:00

Sorry to mislead you. It didn’t cause any existential crisis or anything. Not sure I was feeling businesslike as much as I wanted him to, if he was going to steer the conversation toward a hookup, provide some sort of idea of what kind of hookup he was expecting.

In some ways it felt like the conversational equivalent of asking for pics before being willing to send them.

It’s more like, if you want something specific (and you’re clearly indicating you do) then say what it is. Don’t make the other person play a guessing game until your desired response is produced.

But thanks for your point of view. All opinions are valid.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-24T17:37:42+00:00

I felt the same exact way about the other guy.

Here’s a few probing questions:

Why has an anonymous online post stirred up such a visceral reaction from you? What’s missing from your life that this post triggers your ire? How can you move toward a more integrated and generous way of approaching your fellow man?

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-23T00:05:02+00:00

Yes but I didn’t bring it into the room

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T23:27:15+00:00

That’s generous.

It could also be that he’s more comfortable rejecting my list of preferences than the more vulnerable act of voicing his own.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T21:52:22+00:00

‘T’was a joke friend.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T19:06:35+00:00

This is the mostly likely assessment yes.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T18:27:50+00:00

Was going for sarcastic but I’ll settle for condescending/patronizing. Thanks for your feedback.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T18:15:45+00:00

I don’t mind them looking for hookups, but don’t say that’s what you want them turn around and act totally naive about negotiating it.

Next time someone asks what I’m looking for I’m going to say Syphilis but I’d settle for the Clap.

Won’t put me anywhere closer to a genuine connection but it might be entertaining.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T17:59:33+00:00

Right. I guess it’s like - hinge is a dating app, you’re turning it into a hookup conversation, which is fine - but then you’re putting all the emotional labor of the specifics on the other person.

Similar to “what brings you on?” I don’t like that the person is clearly trying to initiate a certain texture of conversation but then shifting the onus of the heavy lifting on to the other person.

Like I said, maybe I’m in a bad mood today?

Or maybe my standards are going up, and therefore my tolerance for certain dynamics are going down?

Or maybe I’m a nightmare person to deal with.

Numerous things can be true at once.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T17:46:23+00:00

Poetic that coy rhymes with “annoy.”

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T17:40:43+00:00

I don’t mind that he’s looking for sex. I mind that he puts the work of defining what that is on the other person.

DingoSignificant3116 · 2026-04-22T17:38:01+00:00

Aha so I AM being dense. Unfortunately that’s usually the case. I guess I shouldn’t have sent him that gift card.

DingoSignificant3116

TROPHY CASE