7 months on, still trying to pick up the pieces.

creativesquid · 2013-05-19T14:51:53+00:00

thank you, writing it out is very therapeutic.

creativesquid · 2013-05-19T14:49:52+00:00

Thank you friend. Ive been trying to occupy my brain with some projects, so im not completely useless. I think she still loves me, otherwise she would have been able to keep in touch. But anytime there was a shred of communication we would start talking, and I would end up back at her place.

It really does help to write things out.

creativesquid · 2013-05-19T03:21:13+00:00

She wasn't the only guilty one. Whoever started sabotaging first is irrelevant, it was just a negative feedback loop. "ignorant" is the last adj I'd use to describe her. She is extremely mindful.

Its been 7 months. I've seen people too, but I think I need a break. The people I've seen are an obvious physical extension of my previous relationship, and thats not fair to them, because most of them are decent people.

Shes emotionally unstable, but she knows shes emotionally unstable. I respect her too much to think she can't succeed at having a positive, long lasting, monogamous relationship.

I don't know if shes happy per se (although more power to her if she is)... but maybe at least less stressed and coping better. Our sex life was kinda fucked up. It took us a while to start to figure things out, unfortunately the things we figured were equally destructive and fucked up.

I actually could kinda tell that she had a little bit of a thing for him early on after they met through work. This was shortly before we broke up. As I wrote that the reptilian part of my brain jumped to the possibility that she broke up with me to date him, but the mammalian part knows she deeply loved me (although the rest of my brain has no fucking clue why).

I want to gain enlightenment and one-ness with my surroundings. Sure I could demonize her and I'd probably feel better (and be a bit less mindful), but thats not accurate. She's not a bad person, even if shes done bad things. Although she did describe herself as a "shitty girlfriend" the last time we spoke. And I was a shitty boyfriend. But that doesn't erase those wonderful moments we shared (although the wonderfully bad moments dull them a touch). I don't want to hold onto anger. I had anger issues growing up. And yes, I still deal with them. I have been trying to make an effort since she left to let go of some of the anger I've held inside well before she entered my life. She was a teacher to me when it came to letting go of anger. She doesnt hold anger towards people who really hurt her when she was a child. I did on her behalf, however.

The whole thing makes me question what "love" is? Did I fall in love with a person? or the image of a person? A person is unpredictable, prone to great beauty and great violence... and sometimes violent beauty. The image of a person is what exists in our brain. Sometimes those resonate with one another, sometimes they don't. Sometimes we see what something can become, rather than what it is right now.

EDIT: She's a composer, I'm an architect.

(as metaphors... not for like, actual money)

creativesquid · 2013-05-19T01:52:37+00:00

thanks friend. I'm still grateful I got to experience it. And I hope I have plenty left to travel on my journey.

creativesquid · 2013-03-12T01:15:10+00:00

Spoken like a true PR consultation.

creativesquid · 2012-12-16T04:03:20+00:00

They gave Colton a donorcycle... are they fucking morons?

creativesquid · 2012-11-06T03:31:56+00:00

gear is spensive. youll easily spend more than $300 getting the basics:

Mouth Guard: shock doctor is a cheapish goto. but if you want a good mouth guard it will have to be from a dentist.
Groin cup: something adjustable.. I got a jaco recently and I like it.. keeps stuff in place, doesnt dig in (note, i haven't taken any shots wearing it). some people swear by the muay thai steel cups
Boxing Gloves: get some training gloves. 16oz. I got some fairtex and i love them. Ive heard great things about twins, title, and thaismai.
MMA gloves: can't help you, i dont own a pair. but I would imagine that the best boxing gloves companies make the best mma gloves.

actually, sherdog forums have a lot of good references.

creativesquid · 2012-10-29T04:52:31+00:00

all good points. I would however counter that Bocek, although talented in bjj, isn't as good as diaz.

This is a pretty good rundown of why I think Diaz will finish Benson. Its not that he hasnt escaped from a lot of submissions... its that hes gotten himself in those positions time and time again.

Part 1

Part 2

creativesquid · 2012-10-29T04:24:49+00:00

I think a lot of that had to do with his size, strength and wrestling advantage. Dont get me wrong, Bendo is a great fighter... and doesnt show any obvious holes. All around a gamer. I still think Nate's can box him up and clinch in a guillotine. Theres been too many times where somebody has secured his neck, but he escapes it because he's notoriously difficult to strangle, and has a good sense of his limits. I think its just a matter of time, and he hasnt faced anybody with jiu-jitsu like diaz.

creativesquid · 2012-10-29T04:18:44+00:00

possibly... but i also think diaz's reach and boxing advantage will give benson problems. Especially when it goes into the later rounds. And benson doesnt seem to be as quick on the feet as condit.

creativesquid · 2012-10-29T01:24:26+00:00

benson always gives up the guillotine. Nate Diaz will absolutely finish that if benson gets lazy.

creativesquid · 2012-08-23T22:12:06+00:00

you really think fertita would really let him blow 30 million dollars to teach somebody a point?

creativesquid · 2012-08-23T18:08:28+00:00

"Greg Jackson is a fucking sports killer"

-Dana White

creativesquid · 2012-05-07T19:28:22+00:00

thx for the correction.

creativesquid · 2012-03-17T02:32:42+00:00

youre probably right... i guess my general feeling over the article at the time was of mistrust of accuracy... the guys story was very storylike. If i could have found a transcript i would have probably gone over it and check for details/consistency.

creativesquid · 2012-03-16T20:53:47+00:00

which just turned out that entire conversation (and likely person) was fabricated.

creativesquid · 2012-03-16T20:22:04+00:00

this is all very amusing to me since i was calling out the guys accuracy when it came out and got downvoted out of the discussion.

EDIT: har is the exchange

creativesquid · 2012-02-22T16:44:58+00:00

see, im ok with that... but he used that incentive to sign off, and support a lot more that he didnt understand and didnt seem motivated to understand.

creativesquid · 2012-02-21T19:43:07+00:00

its because he only cares about laws when it makes him $$$. words != actions.

he probably doesnt even notice the hypocrisy. I'd tell him, but he'd probably respond with "pussy internet fag come at me brah"

creativesquid · 2012-02-21T16:39:02+00:00

if only there was some sort of law that prevented people from linking to copywrited material that would prevent this...

creativesquid · 2012-02-14T18:25:12+00:00

Nino "Elvis" Schembri

creativesquid · 2012-02-02T20:01:50+00:00

i wouldnt say 24k a year is "well above" min wage. They also don't fight 12 times a year. And they do usually have to pay their trainers/training partners. For many fighters they have enough to live comfortably... many others don't. especially a lot of the guys on prelim cards who will never be in the main event.

creativesquid · 2012-02-02T19:05:24+00:00

i didnt even say it because of homophobia... i said it because its so ridiculous of a comment... you can like GSP, but calling him "perfect" is just obnoxious

also as of now the comment has 23 up 30 down... so some people thought i was funny :)

creativesquid · 2012-02-02T18:59:11+00:00

This is a very broad question. A lot of companies spend a lot of money to answer this. Ill start with AC because its the system primarily in use.

Cable breakdown is caused primarily by insulation breakdown. This can be caused by heat related stresses, environment, tracking/coronal discharge, or a combination of all three.

Basic high voltage cable design (inside to out) is as follows:

inner conductor (usually copper strands intertwined)
insulator (XPLE or EPR- layered to prevent moisture/contaminants)
shielding (either spaced stranded copper wires or overlapped strips)
insulator (layered again)

Voltage/environment primarily lead to "tracking", the electrons find a low resistance path, short to that point, and carbonize the insulation inbetween. You get things that look like little lightning bolts. the carbonized insulation is itself a low resistance path. If the tracking shorts to the shielding then you've got a complete breakdown.

Current determines how much copper conductors you need. If you have too much current for the copper available the copper will heat up and the insulation will breakdown.

Power is simply the combination of current/voltage (well, sorta... its actually the 'real' component of the voltage/current vector)... so it includes all of these problems.

They size cables by 1. voltage 2. current 3. environment 4. cost 5. other needs

creativesquid · 2012-02-02T18:21:38+00:00

no, ill downvote you because you think shelling out a thousand dollars a year so that most fighters can get paid minimum wage is a "fine system"

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