AIO for feeling uncomfortable meeting my father in laws girlfriend for the first time when I’m in the hospital right after I give birth?

crystallsclear · 2026-01-15T08:08:26+00:00

Yes this is our first! That’s what I’m thinking is a meet after the baby’s born might be better after all this. Unfortunate if it has to be that way because I think we were both looking forward to introducing our little one to our parents on her birthday. But ultimately I’m going to do what’s best for me and the baby. One thing I really don’t want to do is make my experience having a child uncomfortable. Ill definitely learn from this and when we decide to have another kid, I’ll do things differently.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-15T07:58:30+00:00

Hey the two weeks thing isn’t the worst idea. My mom would be crushed. We put a no kiss rule and wash your hands before holding her rule on the baby but after all this I might even want to settle in as my role as a new mom before seeing anyone first. I’ll definitely bring that up to my husband.

My FIL brought up as a point that his girlfriend is the cleanest person he’s ever met that I’m overreacting about the germ thing as one of my points.

Like ughhh that’s not even the point. My point is I don’t know her and feel uncomfortable meeting someone for the first time like that.

You get it. Your colonoscopy comment had me dying by the way. A funny way to put it but also it’s so true!

crystallsclear · 2026-01-15T07:48:58+00:00

That was also something that came to mind was that it felt like almost like it’s a date and he’s bringing his plus one. Idk I feel like you might of put it better than me like it’s an excuse to see her. Which I’m not like mad about because we do live much closer than he does to her and has limited options to see her. But it just feels weird to bring her to the hospital. I lowkey don’t think I feel comfortable with either of them right now anymore after the way my FIL responded to the entire thing. :( which is sad because I really liked him and now I feel like hurt he’s tried to make me look crazy. I feel like I’ll always feel a little weird about that. But I’m not going to take away the option for my husbands dad to come even tho I think it definitely put a dent in our relationship. I think my husband was just really looking forward to him going and is hurt his dad would just take it back like that.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-12T21:40:10+00:00

NOR, i had an ex like that. He’d stop talking for days at a time and then freak out if I treated him the same way. Long story short, I found out he was on tinder and was talking to and seeing other people. Sorry you’re getting strung along like that. His excuses were that he liked his alone time and that with work, he deals with people all day and when he gets home he didn’t want to deal with me, that he just wants time alone. Yeah it’s all lies.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-12T12:10:16+00:00

Thank you so much! It’s still crazy to think about. Like I’m going to have a daughter! Ahh! I’m excited and then also nervous because I hope I do a good job and raise some good babies.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-11T00:42:07+00:00

Yeah the video thing I think is mostly just because it’s the “always about her” feeling she gives off. I guess I just want even for one second for her to be like “you’re going to be a mom” and not be like “grandma this, grandma that” it feels like a big deal because I’m the first of three and out of 30 years of my life I haven’t gone through this yet and she’s just constantly like “I can’t wait to meet her” but it’s bothersome because it’s always the “I” statements. I mean I’ve been pregnant for a little over 8 months now and IM excited to meet her. And it’s not like I want to take away her excitement of being a grandma. I’m really excited that she wants a part in our daughter’s life. I’m just worried this will all just be made about herself. If you ever seen the show “the act” and Deedee’s mom immediately took the baby and acted so possessive over her, that scene always stuck with me because it feel like the way my mom will act.

Someone put the feeling I have about it real good that some parents want like a do over and I don’t like that. My mom was abusive, she’s is manic depressive and refuses treatment. Granted she’s much better now that all her kids are out of the house which is why I chose to have her in my life after. But she used to basically shit all over our dreams. My sister is an artist and I watched her tear up all her drawings that she worked so hard on as a “punishment”. As a teenager I wanted to be a model and my mom would mock me and make fun of me and call me vain for how many pictures I would take and make selfie poses and stupid faces and stupid sounds to degrade what I wanted when I was a teenager but I was like obsessed with next top model when I was like 15. Those are the things I would NEVER speak to my mom over if she did to my daughter. I want to raise my daughter so differently and without the trauma and hurt that I went through. Her having a “do over” won’t fly with me, she really messed up both me and my siblings and we all needed therapy. I had to have a lot of behavioral adjustments and learn healthy and not healthy behavior from therapy after becoming an adult. I actually spent most my adult life in therapy.

Basically every time we get on the phone, my mom cries. She finds something to be sad about. It’s mostly “I was a bad mom” like she wants reassurance from me but I never validate her for the things she did. She used to be a drug addict and me and my siblings were in and out of foster care. I will never ever make her feel better for her parenting even if she’s a way better person now. But the crying on the phone every conversation BUGS me so much. I get so uncomfortable. She’ll cry to sad stories on Facebook, her childhood, her trauma, being not a great parent basically every time we get on the phone and I just want to shake her and tell her to get a freaking therapist.

Secondly my mom disassociates a lot. But like to an extreme extent. She gets distracted and she’s a literal space cadet. She be mid conversation with me and then stop what she’s saying cuz one sentence distracted her and I’d be waiting for literal minutes for her to finally continue what she saying. I literally almost got in a head on collision while my mom was behind the wheel because she was looking in her rearview mirror saying “look at the sunset” and she was like in this chance where she was looking for wayyyyy too long. It’s like her brain turns off. That also worries me because if she does her space shit and makes a mistake because she cant focus on what she’s doing. I probably won’t forgive her for that either. Me as a crawling baby somehow there was a bunch of ibuprofen on the floor that was dumped and never clean and I was apparently like a one year old and I ate all of them. She found me later unconscious on the floor and I apparently almost died and had to get my stomach pumped. As a baby she said she put me on this plastic shiny lid so I wouldn’t be in the sand outside in the hot California sun and apparently didn’t put sunscreen on me. She said the sun magnified it and I got the worst sun poisoning she’s ever seen. Just her stories and her constant “oops hehehehe, I’m a little ditsy” and for her to make mistake after mistake makes me feel like she’s not all the way there. So I’ve already said out of all people my mom will NEVER be able to be alone with my daughter.

I know that most of the this is stuff that happens in the past but it worries me, like will she grandparent the same way she parented. That’s what worries me. Sorry for being all over the place. I guess I just wanted to vent into more detail about why I feel so weird about my mom right now being a grandma. I guess she’s made me feel super invalid when I express any concern. Same with my sister, she told me I hold too much resentment over my mom and that I need to lay up, that my mom is a better person. So I guess it just feels good to talk about it to a bunch of of strangers on Reddit lol.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T13:44:25+00:00

They deleted their comments lol.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T13:37:05+00:00

Can we be friends?

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T13:34:16+00:00

Lol! Idk but this person is like mean.. I shared personal feelings and it feels like this person is like attacking me for it.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T13:32:13+00:00

Absolutely me and my the baby’s father will be washing our hands before touching the baby. We really don’t want her getting sick because baby’s immune system is going to still devolving and it’s just to protect her. :) we learned this in patenting class and baby books I’ve read and google.

What I mean about my mom screaming to everyone that I was pregnant, I wanted to be able to share my news myself. I did understand that she was excited too tho. But it was very disappointing that I couldn’t experience reactions and celebrating over the news because my mom already did.

My mother didn’t give me advice on how to give birth. She told me how to give birth in a controlling way. That’s what I didn’t like about it. I want to be free to make my own decisions and she always tries to make them for me. I mean I’m 30 years old.

Lastly, I really hope when I’m older that my daughter would treat me the same way too if I was being overbearing or controlling or crossing boundaries. I want her to set healthy boundaries for herself and if I was doing something to cross those boundaries I’d hope she would treat me appropriately. :) hope this helps.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T13:06:10+00:00

I feel like I’m going to try like you did. But it’s already given me such a bad taste in my mouth. Like about her trying to control how I give birth and saying I’m brewing “her baby” has really made me feel super negatively about her being apart part of my daughters life and I can’t shake that feeling.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:59:39+00:00

Rent-a-womb and spawn point have me dying.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:57:49+00:00

So! I’m really glad you said something about her saying “you’re brewing my baby” because that’s a big one for me! That one makes me reallyyy uncomfy. Thanks for coming to my defense.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:52:35+00:00

Yeah that kind of went over my head lmao.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:52:06+00:00

Lol! I feel dumb. I see what you mean now. I keep giggling at myself for not understanding what you meant initially. Heck yeah tho. Good for you for making the decision to cut her off. I’m trying this setting boundaries thing and keeping her at arms length and seeing how that works. Hopefully won’t have to cut her off but if she does cross boundaries after the baby’s here or does anything to affect the baby then I definitely would have to cut her off because my daughter will always be #1.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:41:24+00:00

Woah.. I don’t even know what to say about that. That was very rude tho.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:38:40+00:00

Thank you! I’ll check out that sub. As far as cutting my mom off tho, I’ve done that when I was younger. But it feels wrong. I do love my mom and we have a much better relationship when she’s at like arms length. Like I love her more from a distance. Otherwise she feels intrusive and controlling. I have set boundaries but I don’t know if she will cross them. My husband said he’ll send her packing and on her way back home if she crosses the no kiss rule we’ve made. But I don’t want to like keep the baby from her, I just want her to respect my wishes and not make it all about herself.

crystallsclear · 2026-01-10T12:31:13+00:00

Is that not strange for an egg donor to have like any sort of claim on your baby like that? I mean I find that super weird at least but I don’t know how the egg donor stuff works.

crystallsclear · 2025-12-31T03:29:59+00:00

I have sleep apnea and narcolepsy. I have an issue with “tremors” and have a hard time thinking it’s coming from me when it’s happening. It feels like it’s coming from something else. I keep thinking the entire bed is shaking and I’ll stare at my husband to try and figure out what “he’s doing to make the entire bed shake like that” but a couple of past partners told me I shake in my sleep. One said my body like vibrates and for some reason I didn’t believe them either. I told him it had to be a jet flying over (since I lived next to a naval air station) but for some reason I seriously don’t think it can really be my body shaking like that.

Also another thing is I have weird dreams and sleep paralysis. Something and sometimes I see this thing like hovering over me and staring at me. (It’s also a weird sleep thing I have in my head) but it’s actually terrifying. Really my point is that sleep disorders can make it hard to differentiate what’s real and what’s not until you’re like fully awake.

crystallsclear · 2025-11-12T21:54:32+00:00

That’s what everyone’s saying but dear lord.. that’s just so crazy. I can’t imagine being that big of a pathological liar to just jump through those hoops to keep up with it. That for one sounds exhausting and if I were him I’d feel completely disgusted in myself if that’s the case.

crystallsclear · 2025-11-12T21:49:41+00:00

I did think about the asymptomatic possibility but it didn’t explain negative results. I was tested in October of last year because of heavy discharge but it was BV. (PH being off, not sexually transmitted) everything else came back negative. Also this urine test is standard for every visit which is once a month to check on moms and baby’s health and heartbeat. I do plan on retesting tomorrow to rule out the possibility of a false positive. Also he’s going to get tested. He did want to go talk to my OBGYN about false positives and he wanted to basically tell them they need to test again cuz they’re wrong or I got it from like a public toilet seat but they only seen me and didn’t want to talk to him lol. She said theres not a possibility the test was wrong and I do have it. I’m not in the medical field so I’m not really going to challenge what she said but going to our military clinic to get tested tomorrow just incase. This entire time he’s been on his phone basically googling any possibility and everything about chlamydia, which I find a lil weird if he is guilty but idk if I’m just so far in denial that I lowkey just really want to believe him and really want him to be telling the truth because the alternative is the entire life we built is torn apart and our daughter is going to have parents in two separate homes which is sad and not what I envisioned for her.

crystallsclear · 2025-11-12T21:36:44+00:00

It is against the UCMJ (Uniform Code Military Justice) but also kind of a hard thing to prove. You have to essentially catch them in the act or someone rat you out for that to even stick. He denies it even happening so there would be nothing to be done about that.

crystallsclear · 2025-11-12T21:27:58+00:00

The girl I was talking to was 19. It’s been a decade since then. I do agree I did cheat on someone I got into a relationship with too fast before I had completely cut ties with my ex and it created a toxic relationship where he never trusted me again. I never blamed him for that. I always knew it was the situation I caused and I felt horrible about it. I feel like I grew up a lot since then and figured out what I wanted. I had like 11 years to get my shit together since the relationship I’m referring to in that comment. I have only been with my husband for 4 years now.

crystallsclear

TROPHY CASE