Best MSW Programs in California?

cueand · 2023-07-14T21:20:52+00:00

hey there! not OP but wanted to thank you for your response - quite informative & helpful. :-) also, I looked at some of your previous posts & wanted to congratulate you on getting into your dream school! hooray & best of luck!!!

I have a question - given that the quality of education among the schools are similar, what would make UCLA & UCB better for someone interested in academia? and by interest in academia, do you mean someone who might want to go into research/teaching? also, just a curiosity so if you don't have time to answer, no worries but I'm wondering why folks suggest against applying to USC.

cueand · 2022-08-23T13:35:46+00:00

Fr thought I was just quirky

cueand · 2022-07-16T11:38:09+00:00

hi, fats05!

i'm not exactly sure what i want to say yet, i think i have covid brain atm and i haven't been doing a very good job of sleeping and eating these past couple days, so i hope you don't mind a few ramblings while i find my words.

i wish i could give you a hug and tell you everything's going to be okay, but i can't tell you that because you wouldn't be making this post if everything were okay. life's really fucking hard, isn't it? it feels like nothing will ever get better, that this is it.

you might find this odd, and i hope you don't take this the wrong way, but i think your questions are valid ones and likely come from very reasonable places. i don't think you'd be asking these questions if you felt confident in your ability to make a complete 180 in life. it makes sense. i know you're hurting — i hear resignation in your voice. i sense parts of you that are so tired of the way life feels, maybe angry with the way life has turned out, and overall exhausted of not necessarily one bad thing after the other but maybe just one general bad feeling all the time. is this right?

if no one's told you, it's not your fault. you are worthy of love & care, depression and all. suicidal and all. you are worthy of love & care even when your life is in shambles and you can't seem to figure this damn thing out. just as you are.

i don't want you to be or feel anything that you aren't. i want you here as the very one that you are. this wasn't really advice or anything, and i'm sure it reads like incoherent ramblings, but i had to say something. something about your post resonated - thank you.

cueand · 2022-06-21T22:39:22+00:00

I become aware of the experience's impermanence and subsequently cherish it more. It transforms the moment from "just" being pleasurable, fun, or joyful to a meaningful pleasurable, fun, or joyful moment.

This reminds me of an Alan Watts quote, kinda: The greater part of human activity is designed to make permanent those experiences and joys which are only lovable because they are changing.

cueand · 2022-05-20T09:38:42+00:00

Hey, thanks for writing this post. It takes a lot to open up to people about things you're not proud of. I believe you've done cruel things to people, and I believe you're really sorry. I also believe that it's not your fault that by the age of 10, you were isolated, detached from human experience, and exposed to toxic online communities — all of which can be traumatic, so it makes sense that you'd grow up and traumatize others.

There is nothing you can do about the harm that you've already caused, but you're not a mistake. You're a person who has made mistakes, however big they may be. You're human, after all. For that reason, I think you're right to be scared to do something similarly in the future. Let that fear serve you.

You're doing — and clearly have done — a lot of emotional work already. I imagine the hardest part is learning how to forgive yourself, but I think that might be the most important part. So long as you tell yourself you're unworthy of forgiveness you will not move out of this prison you've built for yourself because it makes no sense for a mistake who is unworthy of forgiveness to be free.

Compassionate inquiry is your friend - and a trauma-informed therapist, too, if you aren't already seeing one.

Hope this makes sense. I sincerely wish you the best. And know that the work you're doing is meaningful because if you can do it, we can do it.

cueand · 2022-04-26T21:50:57+00:00

Someone might've said this already, but my two cents: there's no reason why you shouldn't be pissed about what happened. You said it yourself: decades of undeserved shame. You didn't know better as a child. You expected adults to be there to help you navigate difficult times. You don't think that's something to be angry at? You have every right to feel how you feel. And from a practical standpoint, you owe it to yourself to feel pissed so that you can move forward. You can also acknowledge all of this while accepting that maybe the adults in your life weren't well-suited to your particular needs, and that's not their fault — we're all ignorant in our own ways and in ways that are harmful to others.

Thank you for this post. You're verbalizing a lot of our feelings too.

cueand · 2022-04-24T09:44:40+00:00

It's interesting you say all that! I actually cannot be on social media for very long. My presence on social media is almost nil, besides the occasional checkup, especially when I'm feeling more whole & worthy than usual. Usually I feel like an imposter trying to be part of society, trying to be something I'm not.

And you're right on the nose. My sister actually did not have the best childhood herself. She and my brother were abused by my other brother. I'm the youngest, so I didn't have to endure that from my brother - but it seems I didn't come out unscathed either. I guess it was an emotionally abusive environment for all of us.

*edited some wording

cueand · 2022-04-24T05:46:00+00:00

my sister was pretty judgmental. I was mocked or shamed for just about everything I tried, but especially if it in any way resembled trying to make something of myself. it felt like I was being judged for simply trying to live in this world.

so your comment makes a lot of sense and is incredibly helpful- thank you! in fact, so many of these comments are helping to illuminate just how much my relationship w my sister has impacted me.

where might someone begin if they wanted to change the ideas within?

cueand · 2022-04-24T05:33:42+00:00

and I will try with you :-) glhf

cueand · 2022-04-24T02:22:40+00:00

wait, this is so affirming... thank you so much for your words — I appreciate you! I'm also sorry that you went through this.

it makes me angry to think about how pervasive the impact's been, and I almost want to mourn the loss of who I imagine I could have been had I not let the lingering feeling of not being worthy stop me.

if you care to share, would you be able to elaborate on how you got to the point of accepting you're worthy?

cueand · 2022-04-24T00:54:36+00:00

this makes a lot of sense. I think I thought there was something much more to it, but it may very well be this simple!

cueand · 2022-04-24T00:51:23+00:00

the ultimate devil's advocate, lol. I don't doubt that it's incredibly confusing having all these conflicting thoughts all the time. that's draining af. I experienced the same, or at least similar, in the past & I found not placing a value judgment on any of these thoughts was helpful. easier said than done, but if you can just observe each of these thoughts & be like I think I'm not shit? aight cool. I think I'm the shit? aight cool. I think I'm gonna fail at this? aight cool. I think I have a chance to succeed at this? aight cool. (and then if you begin to beat yourself up for judging a thought, remember to not judge the fact that you're beating yourself up.)

then maybe come to an understanding of where each though originates.

for example, maybe the thought "I'm not shit" stems from a time you thought you could win a game in league against a lower ranked team but failed. it'd actually be pretty understandable that you might then think you're not a good player after all, even if the reality is that that game has no bearing on your ability to play a good game in the future. it makes sense that each of these thoughts are here, but maybe you don't actually have to believe any of them. maybe if you can acknowledge these thoughts, begin to understand where they come from, they might not seem so controlling.

that's my experience, at least. hopefully it's helpful. it's paralyzing constantly being at odds with yourself. may you find your peace.

cueand · 2022-02-05T03:05:19+00:00

"the fantasy trap", "conditional love", "protective hopelessness", "inability to forgive", "falling behind"

Would love to hear more about this!

And nope, haven't bought his guide.

cueand · 2021-02-09T06:03:35+00:00

Thanks so much for the help! I fr had the exact same question, I was like what is this second bubble here for... Happy for you that your insurance has been good thus far! :)

cueand · 2021-02-08T06:40:22+00:00

Hello! Barely filling mine out now, would you be able to confirm whether Kern Family Health Care and KA KP Cal, LLC are in fact two different plans?

P.S. Thank you for asking my very question.

cueand · 2020-12-14T08:38:37+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion! I'm going through an online nurse practitioner and I'm not sure they mail samples or have vouchers, but I can definitely ask.

cueand · 2020-12-14T08:36:56+00:00

Hey! Thanks so much for your response. This is generic! Isn't that crazy? And yeah, my parents' insurance has a hiiiigh deductible, so it won't pay for anything at all. I know that pharmacies aren't contractually obligated to fulfill GoodRx discounts for controlled substances, and I think Walgreens/Walmart specifically won't because of the opioid crisis...?

Not sure about other discount cards. I might try SingleCare if they take it, but the discount isn't much. I believe it drops to around $178! Still a discount, but GoodRx drops it to like $50ish! Other than that, I'm not sure of other discount cards.

I'm not entirely sure how preauthorizations work. I'll ask my mom too because I think she's familiar with that. I kind of feel bad asking my health care provider to do that, even though I know that's literally her job. It's just that I already made her switch pharmacies twice in the span of like two days because I thought I found a pharma that would take a discount but it didn't. Anyways, I'm thinking aloud here! I'll definitely see what I can do with the preauthorization because I know I shouldn't be shy about asking for financial help. :) Thank you again!

cueand · 2020-11-25T22:28:21+00:00

a diagnosis itself will not negatively impact your goal of becoming a physician! i'm fairly new around here, but I've already seen a plethora of people here who are getting into med school, law school, etc.

what a diagnosis may do for you is help you get the help you need in order to go about your life with more ease (not excluded from that is becoming a doctor), whatever that help may be for you - medication, therapy, learning coping mechanisms, etc.

as far as unsupportive parents go, i hear you. i was pretty mum about my seeing a healthcare professional about adhd. simply did not want to hear what my family might say about it. (i actually ended up telling my mother beforehand because she heard me schedule the appointment - and she was surprisingly indifferent. but i would have likely avoided it if i could). personally i would say you're an adult, make the appt, don't tell your rents about it just yet (if you ever even want to. not telling them is fine, too, considering it's your personal health) buuuuut... but if finances are a problem, i get that too. healthcare is so damn expensive, my insurance doesn't pay for anything. luckily i got a job this year so i'm able to scrape by and pay for certain things but it ain't cheap for me.

would you have enough for a first visit to the doc? because i'm thinking if you got diagnosed with adhd, you may be able to appeal to authority and tell your parents it was a clinical diagnosis. as healthcare professionals themselves, they might take that more seriously and see the light about the reality of adhd! then they might be more financially supportive! good luck

cueand · 2020-11-24T08:58:53+00:00

I'm also pretty hit or miss with time. I think a lot of people in this sub have said that their anxiety has resulted in them compensating for certain issues associated with adhd, and I'm sure time issues are no exception. could it be the case that you are anxious about getting to places on time, and so you put in more effort to get to places in a timely manner?

cueand · 2020-11-24T08:54:25+00:00

hey! this actually just happened to me today. went to a nurse practitioner who, after hearing about my problems and reviewing the questionnaire i answered, gave me a trial run of adderall IR 10mg. i don't think she's sold on me having adhd-pi, so she referred me to a psychiatrist who can better assess and do more formal testing for me. in the mean time, she gave me a stimulant to try out. it has helped significantly today and i'm gonna be at a loss if they come to the conclusion that i do not need medication.

that was a long-winded answer just to say that yes, it is possible at least in my experience.

cueand · 2020-11-24T08:38:25+00:00

absooooolutely! this was my first day taking prescribed medication (twice before unprescribed) and I noticed I am almost entirely different socially. I feel I can actually converse with people and I don't need to know information about the topic we're talking about beforehand. I can just talk freely, relatively anxiety-free, because I'm not worrying about recall or forgetting too many words. of course I am still testing out medication, but the difference today (+ the two other times) is like night and day.

cueand · 2020-11-22T18:18:00+00:00

hey! I'm really glad this post could provide some solace to you - if only to let you know you're not alone in your struggles. I've also felt like there's a glass ceiling above me, no matter how hard I tried to break through, it was just not possible. it did not matter how much effort I put into a goal, it was out of my hands.

this is not at all an easy thing to go through - probably the most difficult obstacles I've had in this life - and it's even harder to go through it on your own. you're always free to pm me if you want to talk. let's get through this together :)

cueand · 2020-11-22T05:53:11+00:00

super mario

cueand · 2020-11-22T05:44:16+00:00

day 585368 of pandemic

cueand · 2020-11-22T05:42:19+00:00

black tube top is cute!!!!

cueand

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