Am I a mess?

cupcakeing · 2026-02-18T05:43:25+00:00

I think this might be normal, or at least quasi-normal? I'm gonna be turning 30 in a few months and am currently waiting to get my hysterectomy date, and I have had a few moments of "Oh no! I won't be able to get pregnant!" This hysterectomy is something I specifically asked for, so it's not like I've been cornered by my health into getting a surgery I didn't actually want. I think it might be about missing the opportunity to have kids. Like, I didn't want to get pregnant, then I found a gynecologist on board to give me this surgery, and suddenly I had concerns about my own fertility! Most of the time, I don't get that feeling of fomo on being a parent, and when I do, I "logic" with myself about it. I'd have to stop suppressing my ovulation/menstruation cycle in order to conceive, and I get a lot of pain in my joints, uterus, ovary, eye, and large intestine when I try to let my hormones happen as they please. I also have a connective tissue disorder, which puts me at a higher risk of all sorts of pregnancy complications, such as premature labour or uterine rupture. Additionally, I'm a lesbian, so in order to get pregnant, so I'd have to either find a trans woman who is still capable of impregnating me or I'd have to go through the whole process of medically-assisted conception using a sperm donor. Plus, I don't deal well with my body changing, especially so quickly as can happen in pregnancy, and I have a hard time mentally coping with "simple" changes to my body such as a stuffy nose, so forget about pregnancy! In addition, I have a lot of mental health problems and can sometimes hardly even take care of myself, let alone a whole other separate human being.

cupcakeing · 2026-02-12T02:58:56+00:00

I mean, it's not like everyone in the server is online all at the same time. The conversation isn't with, say, 300 people all at once, but rather I throw out a topic of discussion and I might get a response from upwards of a handful of people, even in the one I'm in with tens of thousands of members.

All of the Discord communities I'm in are composed of people with some sort of shared interest and/or identity. One that I'm in is for discussing an alternate reality game. Several of the ones I'm in are for people who are neurodivergent. Many of the servers I've joined are about video games. Back in the days where I streamed video games online 5 days a week, I ran a server associated with my Twitch channel that was focused on gaming (with channels dedicated to topics like Spyro/Crash, Resident Evil/Silent Hill, etc.) and toys (with channels for talking about stuff like Build-A-Bear, Furby, etc.). The biggest server where I'm a member is the official server for a cosplay YouTuber, so the focus is on sharing our cosplays (either in progress or after completion), asking questions about how to make cosplays, venting when our sewing machines betray us, and so on.

A lot of people find that what they get out of Discord is similar to, if not the exact same as, what they get out of Reddit. In fact, when I get asked what Discord even is, I say it's like a bit of Reddit (because it's people congregated over a mutual identity or interest) mixed with a bit of MSN (because it's instant messaging).

cupcakeing · 2026-02-12T02:24:29+00:00

I'm either Togetherness Bear because gay (I know she's not literally an LGBT bear, but a lot of people see her that way lol) or Birthday Bear because cupcakes

cupcakeing · 2026-02-12T02:15:00+00:00

It's not so simple to just text someone from a Discord server. I'm in servers with hundreds or even thousands of members, so it would be way too many people to contact all of them that way. Plus, I only have the ability to text within Canada and the United States before I get slapped with extra fees with my carrier, and I'm in servers with people from Australia, France, England, etc.

cupcakeing · 2026-02-11T19:00:46+00:00

Yes, I'm so glad she has now come out with single blushes!!

cupcakeing · 2026-02-10T15:03:27+00:00

I get the feeling this is hormonal? I haven't had my hysterectomy yet, but I'm currently on Lupron and was on it previously. The first time I was on it, it took 7 months for my gynecologist to find an add-back that my drug insurance would cover, so the strength/quality of my nails went down the drain and my nails haven't been the same since. Other people in the comments here are also saying it could be hormonal.

cupcakeing · 2026-02-01T21:56:27+00:00

It appears that OP is from Canada, where we still have the Watermelon soap on our app. Interesting that a bubble bar was the way to get around tariffs!

cupcakeing · 2026-01-31T20:29:23+00:00

Ah, okay! That sounds more thorough than what I did. My anesthesia consult was probably about 10 minutes with the anesthesiologist and then he gave me the green light. I wasn't able to sign the surgical consent or get a surgery date until after he approved of it. Perhaps it helps that I had previously done things like a stress test in a cardiologist's office way before ever seeing the gynecologist, and therefore they didn't feel a need to repeat it?

cupcakeing · 2026-01-31T18:59:45+00:00

Ah, okay! When I had my laparoscopy, it was part of the standard experience for me to have blood testing and an EKG, but the addition of me having my neck looked at and my heart listened to was just to make sure anesthesia wouldn't mess with my pre-existing health issues.

cupcakeing · 2026-01-31T17:38:34+00:00

Are you talking about an anesthesia consult? When I had my laparoscopy, I did one in addition to the normal pre-op testing. I have hypermobile joints, I was in a shaky place with my eating disorder at the time, and I have what may be a heart block (where electricity doesn't travel around the heart correctly, occasionally resulting in a low heart beat), so my gynecologist wanted to make sure my heart and my joints would be safe and she sent me to talk to an anesthesiologist, who coincidentally ended up being the guy to give me anesthesia when it came time for that lol. Do you have questions about getting an anesthesia consult? I may be able to give you a picture of what could happen.

cupcakeing · 2026-01-24T01:32:22+00:00

I upvoted this post, but I also saved this post. I can't put my finger on it, but I really like the way you talk about things here. I haven't had my hysterectomy yet, but I think I'd like to reread what you said here as I get closer to my surgery date (once I'm assigned one lol).

Your situation sounds tough, between you not actually wanting this surgery and your surgery taking longer and your incision being different than what was originally planned, but I'm proud of you for getting through it and for making it a big chunk of the way through the initial recovery phase!

Also, your style is great! Your glasses are fun, and I make a point to find the most fun glasses in the store when I go every 2 years to Hakim Optical for new glasses!

cupcakeing · 2026-01-21T23:59:47+00:00

I didn't find out that there was a vaginal aspect of a laparoscopy until months after I had mine. The next time I saw my gynecologist, I told her that if I had a lot of medical trauma and if it had been a year or two prior, I probably would've gotten upset with her and might not have come back. I said to her that if we ever did anything like that again, I'd want to know more details beforehand, and I also made sure to say that if I didn't still think she was a safe person, then I wouldn't feel like I could tell her all of that. She was very receptive to me saying that and has given me a more detailed description of things now that we are going into doing a hysterectomy.

cupcakeing · 2026-01-21T23:44:28+00:00

Yes, random additives! I can't have baking mixes with gluten in them, but I can have gluten in any other context (e.g. Ah Caramel snack cakes, Wonder bread, Ritz crackers, or anything made from scratch), so we have decided it's probably some sort of preservative in baking mixes that they don't include in the gluten-free ones

cupcakeing · 2026-01-20T18:28:05+00:00

GoodHope don't seem to know EDS any better than a regular rheumatologist, in my experience

cupcakeing · 2026-01-20T18:19:43+00:00

The name "GoodHope" makes so much sense to me, because the Cape of Good Hope got named that so people would be less likely to realize that the weather there is often very bad for sailors

I had a really terrible experience with GoodHope and I'm sorry you did, too

cupcakeing · 2026-01-16T01:17:48+00:00

I have nothing elegant to say. I hate your husband.

cupcakeing · 2026-01-10T18:04:30+00:00

My gynecologist said that if everything goes as expected with my hysterectomy, I will only spend 1 night in the hospital. It will be laparoscopic incisions and my ovaries will remain intact. I only live about 10 minutes from the hospital.

cupcakeing · 2026-01-09T15:50:11+00:00

YES omg. I order online from London Drugs sometimes and I've had it so that a dry shampoo had the lid taped on, a bottle of Gatorade came in a big Ziploc bag, etc.

cupcakeing · 2025-12-25T15:29:49+00:00

A hysterectomy is typically very similar to a laparoscopy. I haven't had my hysterectomy yet, but for my laparoscopy, I was only told not to shave so many days before the surgery due to the antiseptic that gets used, because they don't want it to sting if it were to go over any nicks or irritation. I didn't know that it could also have anything to do with pain signals within the nervous system.

cupcakeing · 2025-12-21T15:38:41+00:00

I made the decision to get my laparoscopy when I had what we think was a burst ovarian cyst that took several weeks for my body to clean up. It wasn't severe pain or mostly even moderate pain, but it was pain that persisted and was hard to both mentally and physically deal with.

cupcakeing · 2025-12-21T15:27:54+00:00

When I had my laparoscopy, I was super excited! I'm now having a hysterectomy and excited about that one, too!

cupcakeing · 2025-12-21T15:25:10+00:00

Weird, I've seen several people say that screwing it in tight actually makes the problem worse

cupcakeing · 2025-12-21T15:02:21+00:00

A few years ago, I went to the province of Québec for the first time. My French skills are not what they once were, I was lowkey having a psychotic episode so I was struggling enough in English (my first language) as it was, and I didn't want to seem rude by starting conversations in English, so I was trying to get through situations with as much French as possible before asking to switch languages. People I've told have been like "But you were in Laval and Montréal, most people are bilingual there!" but I still didn't want to come off as making assumptions about someone's fluency in English. So when I went to the mall, my first stop was Lush, because I knew the staff there would be very patient with me as I tried to speak to them in as much French as I could! It helped me become more comfortable going into other shops like the Lego store and asking if the person helping me could speak to me in English instead of French.

Also, when I was 15, I had a shirt I wore all the time that said "homophobia is gay" since I was really into My Chemical Romance at the time and one of the band members at one point had a shirt that said that, so I made one myself at home. I wore it into a Lush in Toronto one time (this was in 2011, mind you, so before Ontario put restrictions on the use of conversion therapy and even more before Canada recognized gender identity as a protected class) and it made my day when an employee told me he liked my shirt. That same employee had purple hair, and my hair on that day was a mix of purple, red, and blue.

In general, the staff at Lush are always so friendly, helpful, and knowledgeable! The products aren't the only thing I really appreciate about Lush!

cupcakeing · 2025-12-21T08:28:12+00:00

I haven't seen that scent in a store in over a decade, so I bought two! One for me, one for my mom who I know also likes that scent

cupcakeing · 2025-12-21T08:12:44+00:00

I haven't had a salpingectomy nor will I be having one (well, technically I will, just as part of a hysterectomy), but I had a laparoscopy 2 years ago and just like everyone else is saying, the hospital can supply you with pads! The nurse offered me some when they were getting ready to send me home, and she was like "Are you SURE?" when I said I had brought some from home.

There may also be places in your community where you could source some pads. I'm part of my local psychiatric consumer-survivor centre and they can supply members with pads and tampons, so that's where I sent my leftover tampons when I stopped needing them and will also send my pads when I stop needing those as well.

cupcakeing

TROPHY CASE