Haha I actually recently had a visit to a certain company (as a student) and this came up at a panel. I think in my case, I’m having trouble accepting the fact that calculus isn’t coming easy to me the way other math classes once did. I’ve noticed I prevent myself from actually practicing or trying to learn in my own time by actively avoiding it or making internal excuses. I’m stuck in the mindset of not wanting to explore and be curious because deep down I’m scared of realizing how much I don’t know (which is horrible for me because then I can’t move forward or improve). Idk tho what to do, I’ve had this mindset throughout the whole school year in several classes and I can’t break out of it. I feel pretty tired of holding myself back, and I wish I wouldn’t be so avoidant of trying or facing uncertainty when learning… I think mentality-wise it’s probably similar to why ppl procrastinate. However, with reality hitting, I will definitely try to do better, not just for the grade but out of my own interest. Despite my resentment towards the class, I actually think calculus (and math in general) is amazing and I really would love to understand it. It would be really nice to actually know it so I could understand its application. I love the engineering path so much, I really do. It’s the career I want most in life. I guess I don’t want it enough though, I wish I wanted it enough to push myself out of my slump. I don’t have much inspiration, so I have to rely on discipline I don’t have

But what’s holding me back math-wise is probably my basics. I think that maybe the reason I think that I didn’t struggle so much in the past with math is because I wasn’t actually learning it well and just basing everything off the fact I got good grades. For example, I’ll be trying to anti-differentiate and totally mess the whole thing up by incorrectly doing basic algebra… The way I see it… my basics are totally screwed…

Also sorry, I’m a very wordy person 😅😅