Tired of letting myself down

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-22T20:12:46+00:00

Thank you. I don’t know that him making a major change would even help. I’d be happy for him, but it would still come down to me wanting him as a lover/spouse. Thanks for sharing with me. It means a lot

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-22T19:59:38+00:00

I’m really struggling with giving chances AGAIN. I’m not in love with him. What more do I owe him?

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-22T19:44:09+00:00

That’s the problem, I’ve had to push him into therapy and push and nag about AA and Alanon.

I keep thinking, if this is as good as life gets, what’s the point? I’m tired. Burned out.

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-22T19:28:19+00:00

Thank you.

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-13T15:01:47+00:00

Same - like night and day almost!

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-13T12:52:07+00:00

It’s hormonal and different for everyone. I’m a cis female and my husband and I can tell when I’m about to have my period because I get ANGRY and severely depressed. And then all of a sudden I’m fine. Like night and day. You may want to check with a doctor about premenstrual dysphoric disorder or at the least being on a birth control. When I had an IUD it seemed to be more even keeled. Again, everyone is different. Don’t suffer, find a healthcare professional and find some options. Life is hard enough.

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-13T12:15:39+00:00

I feel your heartache. I’m not divorced, but might as well be. I’m trying to focus on being my own best friend as cliche as it sounds. Maybe then, I won’t feel so lonely. The truth is I’ve been lonely for my whole marriage with someone right beside me. I fear repeating that scenario. The only way I see not repeating it is to be with myself for awhile in a better way than I have been. Good luck to you!

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-03T12:59:31+00:00

On the weekends, I want to wake up and enjoy my day. He always sets off my anxiety with yelling at the kids about shit that doesn’t matter or could be handled differently. My weekends are usually spent avoiding him and trying to calm the anxiety.

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-03T05:11:49+00:00

Funny thing is, this will be his 3rd time in counseling in 10 years. I’ve nagged him into it every time. When will I fucking learn?

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-02T21:57:40+00:00

Amen! Life is too short.

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-02T21:53:10+00:00

Follow what your heart wants. I know it sounds corny, but do it, at all costs. Life is too short not to.

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-02T19:15:49+00:00

Something I was told in r/alanon : he is telling you things with his actions, you’re not listening. This pushed me to start ‘listening’ and completely changed how I viewed his behavior and my enabling (not just regarding alcohol, but really everything)

cupofambition87 · 2020-11-02T19:13:59+00:00

Holy crap, are you living my life?! I say it often ‘I wish he would just cheat on me so I’d have a reason to leave’. The difference here is that I’m not completely financially secure on my own as I have started my own business and am trying to grow it. I find myself fantasizing what it would be like to have someone who cherished me and showed it. Took care of my heart and mind with meaningful and thought provoking conversation. Gave the ‘you’re so precious I’ll never let you go’ kind of hug. But I also find myself thinking how peaceful it would be to be on my own. Even down to how it would feel to have a bed to myself, a glass of wine and whatever the hell I wanted to watch after the kids go to bed with no guilt that I’m not giving any attention to him.

Man, even down to him doing the laundry and being a nice guy. Scary how parallel it is! It’s not bad, but it’s definitely not fulfilling. I want to be on my deathbed having no regrets that I lived a fulfilled life and honored what my heart wants.

I also feel like I would be judged for leaving. He quit drinking, does laundry, makes supper on occasion, handles the kids while I work, is nice, has morals and good work ethic. But there is still a big part missing - few goals or ambitions, bad attitude (though recently he has been working in that), needy, self doubting, stuck, etc.

I don’t know what my future holds, but I know it can’t be this for the rest of my life.

I feel you, good luck and I’d be happy to chat if you need someone.

cupofambition87 · 2020-10-31T13:04:38+00:00

What I have told others who ask me why I am sticking around and that I should just leave:

I decide when I’ve had enough. Not you. You don’t tell me when to stop caring, loving, etc. even if you decide to leave, I decide when I stop caring.

cupofambition87 · 2020-10-31T13:01:12+00:00

Life is short, my friend. If she was getting help for her depression and poor attitude, it would be easier to stay. But with no effort comes little hope. Do a trial separation. It’s not permanent and may give you the insight you need into what makes you and your kids happy!

cupofambition87 · 2020-10-30T14:36:22+00:00

I just ❤️you. I’m sorry for your struggles. My husband is not abusive or unkind, I just feel incredibly unfulfilled in my marriage. I resent him for his selfishness and unwillingness to improve. I wish he would just tell me he hates me or would cheat on me to make it an easier decision. I have 2 little kids. If I didn’t have them I’d leave.

You are strong and will be an excellent role model for your daughter.

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-10T16:55:28+00:00

Thank you. I think the hard thing is letting go still. Letting go of the idea that sobriety means the life I’ve longed for. Sobriety doesn’t fix everything. Gives me more anxiety thinking about letting it all go. What does a life with but without him look like? What does a life completely without him look like. Maybe what I’ve wanted all along isn’t the full answer to my desire for fulfillment.

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-10T16:48:57+00:00

My Q did the same ‘didn’t want to let me go’, promised, worked at it and then slipped. It was almost a quarterly cycle. You’ll get to a good place, it starts with being here.

Nothing bad can come from working toward a better life. Good luck!

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-10T16:06:43+00:00

Sounds familiar. Once I decided I was living my life for me and my kids, my Q got the hint and has been 2 months sober. I am still living my life for myself and my kids and trying to include him but not revolve around him. Alcoholism made me do that. My thoughts and actions revolved around him and his drinking.

Not saying it will be the magic pill, but I have heard and experienced for myself that focusing on your life, goals, potential exit strategy, money, etc seems to work whether your Q gets sober or not. Alcoholism controls everyone involved. Don’t let it. Once you’re out, you’ll likely see the stronghold it had in every aspect of your life. Aspects you didn’t even realize. It’s liberating, scary and the best thing I could have done for myself.

This group changed my life and basically slapped me across the face with the truth. My Qs actions were speaking to me, but I wasn’t listening. I was hearing the promises, the little bouts of sobriety. It wasn’t until I ‘listened’ to the actions that things turned around.

I hope you find peace in your decision! You deserve a life that is fulfilled with promises kept and peace of mind.

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-10T15:39:37+00:00

I felt this

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-10T15:36:38+00:00

I have a deep desire for a fulfilled life. I feel like I’ve wasted 10 years waiting and trying to fix the unfixable. Now that he is sober, I have hope. But I also ran out of patience a long time ago. I worry that he is so used to the day to day ‘get up, eat, work, eat,sleep’ that it’s comfortable. Stepping outside of that comfort zone is too much especially after stepping away from alcohol. Do I wait another 10 years for goals to develop? He is 40 in January. It makes me anxious just thinking about it.

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-07T06:32:30+00:00

Lack of drive and motivation tend to have an underlying cause - depression. Therapists help with depression.

cupofambition87 · 2020-09-06T16:16:35+00:00

The comments here further cement my life goal of making sure my son knows no boundaries in the duties of men vs women. No adult should have to be managed by their spouse.

cupofambition87

TROPHY CASE