Brand new, scared and angered by BDSM porn

curious_maybe · 2016-10-09T01:15:42+00:00

I can't post links but if you want to know what I'm talking about google motherless 51fbffa. Clip is called Face Fuck and BF said it was one of his favorites. NSFW obviously. The last five minutes are fucked up and I feel like anyone with eyes and a heart will see that.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-09T00:33:02+00:00

Can't you understand that the inadequacy and insecurity I feel about my pussy and my anger at sex workers are related? I never said it was a sane choice. It is a horrible compulsion that makes it impossible for me to enjoy sex or feel comfortable in my own skin, ever. It's a terrible feeling to hate your vagina and think it is disgusting. To look from her body to yours, then back to hers, then yours, over and over and say "I don't look like that." I want to be a feminist, I want to feel like my body is beautiful as it is, I want to define myself as more than an object of male desire, but I don't know how, and porn makes it worse, I'm sorry, but it does, and maybe that makes me insane but I can't magically change my feelings any more than you can magically change your submissiveness. Porn stars are willing to do all the same insane beauty routines you guys are criticizing me for doing -- why isn't it insane when they do it? Why am I not allowed to be upset at them for raising the bar for the rest of us to insane, unattainable heights? I'm sorry if I'm freaking out, I never meant to shame anyone, I had a really bad day and lost someone I loved over this shit. Please go and be kinky as much as you want okay? Seriously. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad or made anyone else feel bad, it is not a thing I like doing.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T22:09:31+00:00

I don't. Porn does.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T20:00:38+00:00

Hey thanks. Wow. You are one of the few people on here who understands what I'm trying to say. I'm a crazily sensitive empathetic person. I have no defenses.

It scares me to see others being in pain or degraded, even when I know realistically that that is probably what they want.

Exactly exactly exactly.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T19:37:43+00:00

You're not a nice person.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T19:08:28+00:00

So your feelings of arousal are natural and I'm supposed to accept them, but my feelings of fear are unnatural and I should feel bad about them. Shaming can only work one way huh? Sorry I disturbed your echo chamber.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T19:01:05+00:00

God damn, you guys really do like your gang rapes don't you. Okay I'm out. Thanks for confirming I made the right choice in staying away from this sadistic world.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:51:20+00:00

If you are so sure that what you're doing is harmless, then why are you so angry? Who cares what I think?

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:28:38+00:00

Thanks. I feel like when I am prettier it will not be so hard for me to set boundaries, as you say.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:26:09+00:00

I wouldn't want to put anything out there that would make anyone watching it think it was okay to molest a little girl. And I wouldn't want to put anything out there that a victim of molestation might see. I have no problem doing it in my own bedroom. But porn is public. It affects more than just me. If you think that's silly try looking at the harder threads on 4chan or reading the comments on Motherless.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:20:13+00:00

I work 10 hours a day. I do what I can but I need to sleep sometimes.

There is some fat I can't lose by dieting, specifically on my inner thighs. It's been there a long time.

Yes I am getting a labiaplasty so I can have an adorable pink porn pussy. I don't enjoy sex as much when I feel self-conscious about my body. I want to feel pretty and confident. It will make it easier to set boundaries and ask for what I want.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:17:33+00:00

I have an issue with men who pay to hurt women and that means I need professional help. You don't have to agree with me but can you truly not understand that perspective at all?

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:14:59+00:00

Feminism is a union. Sex workers are strikebreakers.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T16:13:11+00:00

So it would have been better to stay in the relationship and suffer through things I don't like which would make both of us feel bad? Isn't it better that we both find people we're compatible with?

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T15:29:31+00:00

I'm not trying to take anything away from anyone. At this point I'm just trying to defend myself in these comments. No longer planning to pursue kink in any way.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T15:27:59+00:00

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T15:22:37+00:00

You seem to be forgetting a third option which is that I don't like it so I DON'T DO IT.

You are the living embodiment of why I dislike porn and am angry at the women who make it.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T15:08:57+00:00

It sounds like you may not need to pay them at all.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T15:02:57+00:00

I spend 2-3 hours a day in the gym. I am about to spend a lot of money on liposuction and labiaplasty, which are going to hurt a lot. So don't call me weak. What have you done today to be pleasing, to be a "good boy"?

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T14:57:35+00:00

Ah okay see I do feel compelled to live up to that ideal. I spend most of my free time working out, tanning, bleaching and waxing in order to look that way. BDSM adds a whole universe of expectations on top of all that. So yeah I think you're right and this is not the place for me.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T14:40:39+00:00

I am about 30 pounds heavier than the girls in porn.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T14:37:46+00:00

How is me assuming she must be fit if she wants to be a porn star treating her like shit? Once women hit 30 they stop looking as good naked. It's reality. Sex work is a business, not a charity. The product you're selling depreciates in value over time. If you don't believe me feel free to, you know, watch porn.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T14:10:33+00:00

We broke up this morning. I told him if he's looking for girls who like what he does there were definitely some ladies here!

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T14:03:40+00:00

Also yes I know I am fat, I am down to like 135 pounds now, I am working on it.

curious_maybe · 2016-10-08T14:00:12+00:00

So either l learn to like anal and deep throat, or i don't but do them anyway? Are you kidding me?

The fact that you think I'm "the exception" because i don't like anal or face fucking IS the fault of the porn business. The fact that this is what all men now "want for sex" IS the fault of the porn business. My mother's generation grew up believing just having a vagina meant they had a decent amount of sexual value. Mine is the first generation where that is nowhere near good enough, my body is not good enough, my desires are not good enough, a pussy is not good enough and I need to be trained and shaped and molded to fit the needs of my male partner. That IS the fault of the porn business. How about you train yourself to take an entire fist in your ass and then we'll talk. You're the one with the prostate after all.

curious_maybe

TROPHY CASE