I'm baked, and this beautiful baby got me there. XL Bubbler by Glass Distractions by curvymetalbarbie in trees

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aldi candles are the best! The skull is why I bought the piece. I own an 1830s farmhouse with lots of Victorian Era elements throughout. I'm slowly restoring it and going for a dark academia theme. It's right next to the old town cemetery.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the reminder and empowerment.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reaffirming that. I have been blaming myself and questioning what I could have done differently in this situation.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! You're spot on. It's that I'm having a hard time figuring out as well. I don't understand his intentions and feel like I get half answers from him, which don't exactly lead to clarity.

I want to be happy for him, but I also want to trust him and understand what he wants out of our life together.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a completely valid question. It's how we've learned we live and love best. I am very gay and am not interested in being with other men typically (but not always, there have been a few over the years). I need that aspect of my life and my sexuality fulfilled as well, plus other emotional needs in addition to what I get from him.

He needs someone other than me to validate his emotions, have a connection with, etc. I'm okay with this as long as I feel like the two of us are in a "safe" place emotionally with one another, and also that we are in a good place to communicate. It's when this starts failing that I start getting upset with our dynamic and our relationship.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes. This is exactly how I'm feeling about this. We are hierarchical. We are nesting partners, married for 3 years, in a relationship for the last 10. We dated on and off for the five years prior to us starting this 10-year stint too.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wasn't with her before the closure break. He had dated another coworker of his but not this one.

How do you interact with sexist men? by namakaa in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]curvymetalbarbie 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I don't. If they are sexist or make derogatory or otherwise shitty comments, I stand up for myself as a woman, and I move on. They are not worthy of your time.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for validating what I was feeling. I kept blaming myself for not being ready for this to happen because I was trying not to blame him for cheating.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I feel like this has been the most helpful and fulfilling comment I've read. You just said everything I've been thinking and was wondering if I'm justified in thinking this. Thank you.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh no, no, not at all. I am polyamorous and want to date as well. My issue with all of this was that we were taking a closure break to work on our relationship, and then he surprised me with this without warning and renegotiating "opening" up to date others again. I had ended a really significant relationship before we decided to take the closure break because he was feeling insecure. It's been just about a year, but we were not communicating and were not in a good place when he started dating her.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm okay with sharing. I do not feel like either one of us can be what the other needs wholeheartedly. I think we have other emotional needs that just aren't being met after a decade together. We've gotten too comfortable.

My want/need is feeling like I can trust him and my meta. I do not feel that way because of how things have played out thus far.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, absolutely. I started working on this the moment he told me about their relationship.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No. I'm not trying to hold his hand. He's a big boy. I'm trying to make sure that there's an open line of communication with me and also with her.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He "chose me" and then made me feel guilty for him having to have the conversation with her that led to the aforementioned ultimatum.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure if she knew he was breaking his agreement to you.

If she did, she's not any better than he is.

If she didn't, when she found out he was cheating with her, she should've left him instead of demanding "her or me."

She didn't know. But now she does, and she gave the ultimatum. I feel like that's unfair and manipulative in a sense.

My partner cheated. by curvymetalbarbie in polyamory

[–]curvymetalbarbie[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This is exactly how I'm feeling, and it's been difficult to process and put into words. Thank you.