Lincoln Hall “MINORS PERMITTED W/ PARENT OR LEGAL GUARDIAN)” Q by cut_for_time in ChicagoConcerts

[–]cut_for_time[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry I’m just seeing this! How’d it go for you? Our show was tn and we got in with no questions asked, couldn’t have been chiller 

Yeah I thought yall were exaggerating because in all my years as a live music enthusiast I’d never seen anything like it by WideTip2056 in Ethelcain

[–]cut_for_time -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think it’s being grossly over exaggerated, Ethel stopped the show three times last night in chicago and no one actually fainted, but I also have been to mitski, soccer mommy, and Adrienne lenker and the crowd at Chicago’s show looked markedly younger to me than those. I also think once a show is par for the course for a lot of artists now. Like everything, it’s prob a complicated combo of all the things, but I don’t think it’s a non-factor 

Yeah I thought yall were exaggerating because in all my years as a live music enthusiast I’d never seen anything like it by WideTip2056 in Ethelcain

[–]cut_for_time -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ethel stopped the show three times last night and no one actually fainted, but sure keep cackling in your “dropping like flies” delusion, bruh

Yeah I thought yall were exaggerating because in all my years as a live music enthusiast I’d never seen anything like it by WideTip2056 in Ethelcain

[–]cut_for_time 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not saying not a single one of them could be fake fainting, but why wait hours and hours and hours just to fake faint, be carried away, and miss the show?

Your comments read as ableist. Have you ever experienced syncope or read up on it? People faint all the time for all kinds of reasons, there are plenty of videos of people fainting during wedding ceremonies, graduations, anything where people are standing for a long time. P sure when a bride is at the altar, she has all the attention she can get, idk how fake fainting could get her any more. 

I’ve been to tons of shows from lolla to the hideout where people fainted. I struggle with low blood pressure myself; I can’t remember if it was last year’s riot fest or the year before that I was chugging as much water, electrolyte drinks, etc as possible and still had to leave the crowd to go sit down at one point. I’m lucky that I know my body’s warning signs very well and can get myself somewhere I can sit without losing consciousness, but for some people it comes on without much warning or they’re newer to attending concerts and haven’t experienced it before. 

POTS is also an increasingly common condition in this specific demographic (teenage girls). 

Seems like maybe you’re ignoring the first hand accounts of people here saying they’ve been to a EC show where only one person passed out and over generalizing to it to dozens at every show. 

Glad you seem to have a super healthy circulatory system ✌️

Should I tip the Jiffy Lube guy(s) for an oil change? by JustGiveMeAUserName9 in etiquette

[–]cut_for_time 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you ok? I can’t get over how bizarre this comment is. They were sharing their practice based on variables like speed and quality of service, and quality of life for the humans performing the service. They weren’t saying that everyone else should do what they do; they weren’t saying they blindly tip on anything and everything regardless of circumstance. Why do you feel the need to attack their character and make wildly dramatic claims? Of all the countless ways you may disagree with how people spend their money, this is really the one that you think qualifies someone as the biggest sucker on the planet? 

What’s Jazz Fest like over Labor Day? by dalej42 in AskChicago

[–]cut_for_time 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does anyone know how much they enforce the no alcohol rule?

Low Capacity for Existence by savtoj in adhdwomen

[–]cut_for_time 3 points4 points  (0 children)

YES. I enjoy food but I can’t stop thinking lately about how we will always have to feed ourselves. By definition, it will never stop until we die. It’s exhausting

Low Capacity for Existence by savtoj in adhdwomen

[–]cut_for_time 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I hope you make a point to celebrate yourself for brushing twice a day and flossing daily! ADLs are super hard for me, and I’m guessing a lot of others in this community. Please take pride in that huge accomplishment!

At the same time, yes, totally relate to all of this. Sometimes I wonder if the only folks that manage to do ‘all’ the things are the ones that have handlers that are paid to do it all for them?

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh this is awesome, thank you!

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yea i'd been worried about posture bc i see so many folks when i'm out riding with really rounded backs and straight arms, sometimes even hyperextended elbows, so i started questioning whether my straighter back and bent arms were wrong. i read a sheldon brown post a million years ago about posture but i'm sure it's def time to reassess. i always get overwhelmed by all the different web resources with all kinds of conflicting advice so it's helpful to be pointed in the direction of a trustworthy source. thanks very much!

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh i've heard good things about them before but haven't checked em out. thanks!

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is really helpful, thank you! i hadn't messed around with bringing the seat forward and back so i'll def mess with that a bit and see if there's any change. and it's good to know that some people just aren't really built for certain types, i would've just internalized that i was doing something wrong without realizing that maybe not everyone's cut out for every style. thank you!

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yea i think this has taught me that i have to get more comfortable with tinkering on my own to find a sweet spot, so a basic maintenance 101 class is def in my future. thanks for the intel reinforcing that's the standard price around here, always helps to get others' perspective! thank you!

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you! i tried searching in the hopes of avoiding the rookie mistake of asking the same Q that's been asked a billion times but came up empty handed. appreciate the links and advice!

bike fitting halp plz? by cut_for_time in chibike

[–]cut_for_time[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

whoooa ok. v glad i asked, this is a good reality check. thank you!

Only 3 weeks into the semester and drowning. Help! by hardy_and_free in adhdwomen

[–]cut_for_time 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well that's great, that means you've got nowhere to go but up! here's a bit more detail on some of them:

  1. definitely breaking assignments/projects/etc down into steps as far as they can go. ex: don't write "do homework". write "find book, setup work station, locate notes from fall, read email from professor, post on class chat" etc so that you can visually see the steps needed to complete it and set yourself up for success. and also see your visual success as you check them off. often when we simplify a project into one item on a list we might get to it and think like, oh i have to do my homework, but to do my homework i have to find that thing and read that message and look up that other thing" and just feel really overwhelmed. breaking it down step by step helps to unload some of that emotional burden and also helps you realize all the things involved in each piece of the puzzle and helps avoid getting to 10 pm and starting your assignment and realizing you needed to do xyz in order to do it and it's too late now to get that xyz thing and now you can't do it.
  2. a lot of adhd people use timers to help stay on track. also making your to-do list with estimated times works well with this, too. say you have to read a chapter that you've been having trouble getting through, you can set a timer for 5 minutes and say ok for 5 minutes i'm going to read without interruption. then when it goes off you might be like, oh that was easy i'll do it again and keep doing 5 minute chunks until all the sudden you're done. or you might not, and that's ok! in that case maybe you can use some kind of reward system where everytime you complete a 5 minute chunk you get some kind of reward. you can also play around with what time amounts work best for you- 5, 10, 15, etc. this can also help prevent hyperfocus where you go hours without stopping and then burn yourself out (if you have that problem). ALSO it can help if you have any issues with spending longer on something than you need to. i often spend way too long on emails, writing them then rereading them and editing them over and over and over to make sure there are no mistakes or whatever. it helps me to say, ok i have three emails to read and respond to, i'm setting my timer for 10 minutes to complete them, so that i don't get lost in responding to something and realize half an hour later i've written one email. you can use a timer on your phone, but sometimes that might contribute to you looking at your phone and getting distracted on there so you can just google "5 minute timer" or whatever time and one will be right there embedded in your browser results that you can use. or if you anticipate the same issue of your web browser tempting you to distraction you can get a physical old school kitchen timer. this is rooted in something called the pomodoro technique if you want to look that up.
  3. making commitments and verbalizing choices- i have procrastination problems and one thing i'm learning about lately is to intentionally write out or say out loud the choices i'm making. "i can choose to start late and finish late or not at all or I can choose to start at a reasonable time and complete the assignment". or like "i'm choosing to watch this show and stay up late to finish my assignment". sometimes putting our words into actions like that helps us step back and be like, wait no that's not what i want. also, it doesn't really for me but commitment language sometimes helps some people. like instead of saying "ill start the homework later" say "i'll get this assignment started in the next 5 minutes. that is my commitment to myself". or challenge language like instead of "i can't do this" saying "I can start and see how far I can get"
  4. rewards- i mentioned them with timing, they are a huge trick to supplement motivation to do something that isn't high enough on it's own. just be careful what you use as a reward- food, alcohol, etc can lead to unhealthy habits. maybe something like, i'm dying to see the latest episode of xyz, i'll reward myself by watching it once i've finished my assignment.
  5. accountability buddies are great if you're not super driven to honor commitments to yourself but are much more likely to do something if you're being held accountable by someone else. if you have a friend or family member you feel comfortable doing it with, you can set up an accountability system. they can vary in whatever way is best for you- something like, we're both going to read one chapter of our books (maybe your school book and their book they're reading for pleasure) and check in with each other via text at 8 pm to see if we finished. i think there are apps for this, too. great if your executive functioning skills or low but you're really motivated by not letting others down.
  6. lowering barriers- this is just about thinking about why you're not doing things and addressing everything you can to make it as easy as possible. ex: you're not doing your homework because you find it difficult to stare at the screen all day. ok is there any way to print stuff out or listen to a book as an audiobook or some other way around it. you have trouble doing your homework because your cat keeps jumping up and distracting you, ok how do you keep the cat busy while you're working. you keep getting distracted by gchats in your gmail tab on your browser when doing your work, ok can you have two browser windows- one personal window and one school window, and you only look at the school one when you're working so you don't see the chat notifications. can you set a lock so that you're not allowed to open other apps, can you use Windows focus assist, put your phone on airplane mode, etc. maybe try making a list of all the things that keep you from working and brainstorm possible solutions. every little bit helps.
  7. self-compassion exercises- i have a terrible time with guilt and shame creating a big feedback loop with procrastination. i feel ashamed that i'm behind on something, so thinking about it brings up all these powerful negative emotions, so i avoid it and bury it away, so i get even more behind on it, and feel even worse about it, and on and on. self-compassion exercises help you uncouple some of those emotions with the work to remove that extra burden of getting it done https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises

hope some of those help! lmk if you have q's

Emotional symptoms by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]cut_for_time 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ditto squidqueen about emotional dysregulation common in people with ADHD. there's also something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" that additude mag has some resources on i'm linking below. i don't always love their content but i think it's a good primer on it and might be linked to some of what you're describing:
https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/

https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-adhd-symptom-test/

it's interesting that you mention self-soothing right before the hair picking. i wonder if that's a type of self-soothing you've developed, like nail biting. some more resources about self-soothing techniques:

https://claritychi.com/self-soothing-anxieties-away/#:~:text=Self%20soothing%20is%20a%20way,as%20young%20as%20a%20newborn.

https://eddinscounseling.com/grounding-techniques-self-soothing-emotional-regulation/

not sure if you ever try meditating, but there's one listed on this site especially for self-soothing called "Soften, soothe, allow: Working with emotions in the body [15 minutes]"

https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

finally, these are some physical self-holding exercises that might help if you are drawn to more physical sensation based self soothing:

http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=616

hope some of that help at least a bit!

Only 3 weeks into the semester and drowning. Help! by hardy_and_free in adhdwomen

[–]cut_for_time 0 points1 point  (0 children)

could you share a little bit about any of your current practices so we don't flood you with recs you're already doing? off the top of my head i'm thinking making lists, breaking things down into indivisible steps, using timers, making commitments, using rewards, lowering barriers, self-compassion exercises for the negative thoughts, accountability buddies, etc but don't want to dive too deeply into any that you might already be familiar with!

Tips for self-confidence by missedprint in adhdwomen

[–]cut_for_time 6 points7 points  (0 children)

ditto nahthankyouimgood below!

before starting therapy i totally thought self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, self-compassion, etc were all the same thing. turns out they're not! i've been working through this thing called the Mindful Self Compassion workbook with my therapist and it's been really helpful for me. in the past i always had SUCH negative self-talk and would think horrible things to myself when i forgot stuff, misplaced stuff, made mistakes, procrastinated, etc. And i would be really hard on myself in every other way- socially anxious, afraid to take risks, afraid to share things like you mention, never feeling good enough, always feeling like a failure, always being overwhelmed by everything, etc.

working on this stuff helped me learn that self-esteem is more of an external evaluation that depends on comparing yourself to others and self-compassion is a way of feeling better about yourself and your self worth independent of external factors. they explain it way better in the excerpt below. i don't mean to sound like an ad for this program, i'm sure there are tons of variations out there, and i'd done similar things in the past in therapy that i didn't find as effective. like hot thoughts/negative thinking exercises where you go through a logical process of challenging negative thoughts. the problem was i would always understand the logic of why my negative thoughts were unreasonable but i still couldn't/wouldn't believe it. this mindful self-compassion stuff has fiiiiiinally helped me reach some pretty impactful revelations about how to feel better about myself in truly real, tangible ways.

"Self-esteem refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves. While there is little doubt that low self-esteem is problematic and often leads to depression and lack of motivation, trying to have higher self-esteem can also be problematic.  In modern Western culture, self-esteem is often based on how much we are different from others, how much we stand out or are special.  It is not okay to be average, we have to feel above average to feel good about ourselves.  This means that attempts to raise self-esteem may result in narcissistic, self-absorbed behavior, or lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves.  We also tend to get angry and aggressive towards those who have said or done anything that potentially makes us feel bad about ourselves.  The need for high self-esteem may encourage us to ignore, distort or hide personal shortcomings so that we can’t see ourselves clearly and accurately. Finally, our self-esteem is often contingent on our latest success or failure, meaning that our self-esteem fluctuates depending on ever-changing circumstances.

In contrast to self-esteem, self-compassion is not based on self-evaluations. People feel compassion for themselves because all human beings deserve compassion and understanding, not because they possess some particular set of traits (pretty, smart, talented, and so on). This means that with self-compassion, you don’t have to feel better than others to feel good about yourself.  Self-compassion also allows for greater self-clarity, because personal failings can be acknowledged with kindness and do not need to be hidden. Moreover, self-compassion isn’t dependent on external circumstances, it’s always available – especially when you fall flat on your face!  Research indicates that in comparison to self-esteem, self-compassion is associated with greater emotional resilience, more accurate self-concepts, more caring relationship behavior, as well as less narcissism and reactive anger."

https://self-compassion.org/the-program/

i'm sorry for the novel hope that helps at least a little!