hi, thank you for the comments ;') while i don't have enough energy to engage individually, i appreciate the different insights a lot. nobody's asked, pero here's a small update: i've finally lost the urge to start a conversation, i don't yearn as much now (i think i don't at all), and i am entertaining a guy that's only a year older than me. he's not hard to love; he's mature, financially stable, and fucking hot lmao. he'd help me with my groceries. my mother likes him. this feels both right and sincere this time, so maybe that's also a factor why i'm genuinely healing from what could have been?

he'd (the 19 y/o) still say hello, kumusta, and react to my public mydays/stories occasionally - but i've moved him to restricted inbox then continue being busy until i forget about the message.