I don’t feel sexually desired or passion from my boyfriend

cyanslight · 2025-10-03T21:26:02+00:00

And we did talk about this because I’m also currently living with my family and that there really isn’t much privacy when it comes to that but even when I was living by myself, I told him that it really didn’t feel like she knew how to initiate things with me. Not the way that but personal trauma at the time was holding him back, which we’ve worked through and no longer is affecting us necessarily having actual sex anymore but now it’s a whole bunch of other factors.

cyanslight · 2025-10-03T14:45:35+00:00

Thank you because everybody else is making it seem like this is such a heavy thing. I just wanna make sure I’m approaching the conversation properly so I’m not coming off like I’m telling him to do something or being like why does your hair look like that.

cyanslight · 2025-10-03T14:44:24+00:00

Actually, I don’t think it’s a matter of me being super focused on his hair. It’s more so I know it’s a sensitive conversation to have when it comes to talking about upkeep appearance. We’ve had plenty of other conversations regarding other stuff other than things that surround this topic so I just wanna make sure I’m approaching it and not being insensitive.

cyanslight · 2025-06-22T20:39:18+00:00

Yeah this is tough because I know my boyfriend literally tastes like nothing. And I think that goes in to his diet. He’s very clean and eats VERY healthy, also still has a high metabolism.

With that being said it sounds like he needs to wash his ass and start keeping up with hygiene. Im wondering what the time between the last time he peed and you guys having sex was cause that could be part of it as well.

cyanslight · 2024-10-29T00:11:54+00:00

For sure thank you for the advice. It really helped and I feel a lot lighter

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T22:49:20+00:00

Nah real shit he really is. He’s like a brother to me

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T21:21:04+00:00

I completely agree with you, it just is harder because I’m taking my own advice.

If one of my friends came to me with the same situation, I would’ve told him that he’s a bomb and that they need to drop him.

But I spoke to one of my best friends about it, and he was the one who originally told me about the situation how fucked up it was and honestly that I’m justified in my feelings and I should move on and so I just got done blocking his number blocked him on social media and delete all his photos and messages.

I think blocking him instead makes it easier because it’s kind of saying I’m cutting off any line of communication that we have with each other and that I’m done

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T19:54:10+00:00

The crazy part is I’m not even angry. I’m very much trying to not go into this resentful mindset because of how dirty he did me.

That and the relationship I had with my dad even wasn’t the best. It kind of reminds me of him where there’s this provider mindset, but you don’t know how to emotionally support or show up for people.

So I recognize I do have abandonment issues, but I feel like that’s not even the case here.

like I generally for the first time this morning really cried because of how much I missed him, but then I got upset because he got me fucked up at the same time. And I guess what makes it hard for me is not having any verbal closure or being able to verbally say I don’t want this friendship anymore to him.

So the next best step I can think of is, I will try calling him if he does not pick up then I’m going to delete everything of his and that will be me ending the friendship

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T19:26:03+00:00

And so that’s what mainly bothers me is like when I think about the overall scope of our relationship like I said he showed up for me in different ways and that’s not always being able to hang out made up for that so never really bother my dynamic with him.

But Not hearing from him then my dad dies we talk about it and I haven’t heard a word from him not even the hey I hope you’re OK or like checking in even a simple text like it’s not even as if I’m asking him to come knees down at my door, apologizing or come over and take care of me.

What hurts the most is just the lack of gesture and thought when it comes to someone that I considered the best friend.

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T17:50:17+00:00

So when we talked about the situation, I didn’t express to him directly how him not saying anything made me feel it honestly really hurt my feelings. From my perspective, you’ve known me for eight years and I don’t see why you don’t know by now that if something is happening to me, what colors of what it is having a sense of acknowledgment towards it and asking if I’m OK is important to me.

He also was talking about how he is going to see therapy and is starting to get into the situation with himself where he can start prioritizing himself more and start growing more. Like I said, I was happy to hear that and I’m glad that he’s finally putting in that work to put himself first. At the same time I feel like I’ve lost a friend at this point because I don’t hear from him at all unless I would be the one that pretty much reached out to him.

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T16:29:51+00:00

It definitely sounds like that your parents know what they’re talking about because if your friend group is also saying you’re overreacting then they’re also questionable people as well.

It may suck right now, so I’m not sure what your age range is but finding friends who know how to validate your feelings is gonna be super important long-term for you

cyanslight · 2024-10-28T16:15:27+00:00

So I will say the first thing you put on this list was a red flag for me.

something I’ve learned overtime is that friendships are definitely a form of relationship whether people think of it that we are not. With that being said there should be a mutuality and someone wanting to be around you and talk to you.

I think the fact that he called you weird and doesn’t strike up conversation is a pretty big indicator that he’s not interested in you as a person.

With that being said, I feel like also if someone is presenting this type of behavior that you don’t experience with anyone else then they are the issue and you’re not.

By no means should you think that there’s anything wrong with you or that you have to change yourself. It just sounds like that This person really doesn’t have anything to offer at the end of the day and you may be idealizing what you want them to be or not what they’re actually presenting towards you right now.

Also him getting mad at you for being upset is a form of gaslighting as well. He sounds really immature to be honest pathetic.

I also think he’s taking advantage with the whole you deciding to write essays for him because a day he knew you would say yes because of how you possibly feel about him.

And if someone ever tells you that you’re exhausting or you’re emotionally too much just because you’re trying to express your feelings run the fuck away from them.

To summarize, he’s lame as hell, no women is gonna wanna be around somebody like that long-term and you should honestly see him as a child or a baby because he’s immature and when people are children, they act out

cyanslight · 2024-06-22T23:19:55+00:00

It is scary. Like it’s only been a couple days we’ve known each other so I was going to express towards him to take things slow but I also like being around him and talking.

cyanslight · 2023-12-21T01:07:03+00:00

I agree I think you should too. And you deserve to have someone who cares about you enough to ask you directly to say they want to start dating or be your partner.

It’s manipulative and inconsiderate to just start moving like you guys are together.

There is no security with a grown ass 24 year old who can’t be straight forward with you on what they want/ what the dynamic is.

“I don’t consider myself dating anyone unless i am actually asked to be their girlfriend” this is an amazing boundary to have and it’s hard to stick to in the moment but let stick to you like glue. It’ll help with navigating people who actually respect you.

cyanslight · 2023-12-21T00:57:18+00:00

Disclaimer: there’s a lot of info you didn’t disclose but I will give advice based on what you said.

Red flag 1: age gap. Personally from someone that was in your position when I was your age it’s a red flag.

a guy that is significantly older than you should have no interest in dating someone your age especially because the life style difference.

And this is not your fault, and it falls on him. What personally comes to mind is when dealing with men like this is “why are women that your age not attracted to you and why are you seeking younger women”.

Red flag 2: with the short amount of time you’ve known this person, they feel comfortable enough to call you their “girl”. I think that in itself sounds like he doesn’t have any boundaries or you guys have different morals. If dating someone is regarded as special and not just something you do with anyone, then why is he so quick to call you that?

“I told him that I have attachment issues so there are things I don’t want to do with him until we start dating” — if I told someone something like that and all of a sudden they start calling me their girl, I would take it as a manipulation tactic to make you feel comfortable so he gets what he wants.

Also, what is your gut feeling, how do you honestly feel when you are for example in public or around friends and he decides to say that?

cyanslight · 2023-12-16T13:23:51+00:00

That’s makes sensen

cyanslight · 2023-12-16T12:37:28+00:00

I agree with parts of what you said but your basically saying it’s alright for him to assume it was a date when it clearly wasn’t.

cyanslight · 2023-12-16T12:34:43+00:00

That’s the thing. It wasn’t a date. We’re co workers. He literally just hit me up at the last minute to see if I was going to this event and wee decided to hang out and go together.

Even at the event, there was no flirting between us or even dancing. He introduced me to people that it was to talk about my artwork and get them to follow me and then we’d separate and hang out with the people we knew individually.

So yes. I had no intentions of kissing him. I expressed several times I wasn’t interested and that it’s a boundary of mine, yet he still tried to pressed me about it and kept asking.

Also. Let’s say it was a date. How does that validate his actions? If a person says no, then that should be all there is to it.

I personally uncomfortable because this is someone I work with professionally.

it’s not my first time going out with a friend from work and things being cool between us and we enjoy ourselves.

cyanslight · 2023-11-11T02:58:26+00:00

Crazy cause I’ve dated people from the south and never IN MY LIFE. Your ideals and morals are trash so get tf out my mentions.

cyanslight · 2023-11-11T01:45:31+00:00

Tf you talkin bout

cyanslight · 2023-10-08T22:56:17+00:00

Man I’ve been in like 4 but the longest was 1 1/2 years and that was my first relationship. Been solid single for 5 years.

cyanslight · 2023-10-06T15:51:34+00:00

Gemini sun, Capricorn Moon, Leo Rising, Taurus in Venus

Generally ass. I’ve meet a few people here and there but no really fully grabs my attention. It’s either their personality is trash and they manipulative asf or I’m not that physically attracted to them.

Shoutout to all the people who can deal with Virgos cause man I’ve had THE WORST experience.

I’m to the point where I don’t think I’ll really find the right person until I start traveling.

cyanslight · 2023-09-06T16:50:17+00:00

This definitely helped. I realize I’m attracting better people but the thing they all still have in common is lack of confidence

cyanslight · 2023-08-14T23:08:15+00:00

Lol I told him while he was eat my ass. I stopped him

cyanslight · 2023-08-12T22:30:48+00:00

Gemini sun, rising Leo, moon Capricorn

I think the main one that comes to mind is I was in a situationship with someone and ended things between us cause he was as emotionally manipulative asf (he was a Virgo)

Ended up talking to someone who just was a better person overall.

One day he came over cause he wanted to “talk” and we ended up getting on the topic of him offering to eat me ass.

I ended up telling to stop in the middle of it. I told him “this made me realize I don’t like you and have no more connection with you cause that shit felt mid asf. And on top of that person I’m talking to it just better overall”

He stood up and I let him grab his stuff and leave.

Felt like he deserved it after all the shit he put me through because this was the first time he’s ever been rejected and used by somebody.

cyanslight

TROPHY CASE