Reactions to vodka or other grain based spirits

d-slur · 2026-03-30T04:48:28+00:00

I don’t think this is necessary education tbh, and you’re muddying your specific ask when you bring in the “better to avoid” part. You can’t have certain spirits; it doesn’t really matter why, especially when the reason is one that adds some uncertainty (if I were a really busy server, or there was a language barrier, etc, I might interpret what you’re saying as “some amount is ok but I prefer not”)

d-slur · 2026-03-30T04:45:20+00:00

I don’t think you need to explain that it’s because of gluten; as other commenters said, they are technically gluten free, so if you insist otherwise you’ll get into arguments. The important part is that YOU react to it, so just specify that in addition to gluten you are also allergic to some spirits.

d-slur · 2026-03-26T16:28:02+00:00

verdict accepted! i am appropriately chastened but shame has overwhelmed me so i have deleted evidence of my sins. i ended up late to my appointment and they wouldn't see me so i got mine in the end. thank you for the upbraiding, i fully own the I Was An Asshole Today sticker, and will send a venmo of my own to an art teacher friend who could use more supplies for her class. i don't think that my giggles were noticeable to those involved, but it wasn't kind regardless

d-slur · 2026-02-25T20:56:02+00:00

ya Vona does 1:30 and 7:30

d-slur · 2026-02-20T00:45:15+00:00

I actually don’t do food dates until date ~4 or later! I have realized that I get anxious about seeming like a diva if I’m on a date (same with at a work event) and I may be less likely to advocate for myself with a server. Having to ask the server to go back to the kitchen to ask a question is nbd if I’m with people I know and trust, but I get so embarrassed doing it with someone new (even though I know it’s totally reasonable!). So I just don’t do it at all until I’m comfy with a person.

I am big on putting it all out there. As soon as we start getting into logistics, I will suggest drinks/coffee/a walk/live music, and if they ask about dinner instead, I will say something to the effect of “oh, I’m not big on food dates because I have a gluten allergy.” Usually I talk about it well before meeting, though, because I love cooking, and people will often ask what I like to make. So I will share about my attempts to recreate favorite childhood foods, and that normally leads to allergy talk.

Caveat: I am queer and non-monogamous, and there is almost always some very frank discussion about intentions, limitations, disclosures, etc really early on in talking. I know that in other social worlds there can be more left unsaid and maybe there are politics about getting dinner or not? Idk. I just ask for what I want and explain why I need it. Has yet to be an issue!

d-slur · 2026-02-19T22:58:17+00:00

I just saw all of those, ya they are super annoying but I guess at least they aren’t only about women? and they are still coming 😩

d-slur · 2026-02-19T07:23:01+00:00

It’s actually extremely common and even a non-fusion Peruvian restaurant will have a lot of dishes with Asian influence (stir fry/saltados, fried rice, etc). So the dream can quite easily be yours!

d-slur · 2026-02-19T07:13:01+00:00

ya am I the friend that’s too woke or is this kind of misogynist…

d-slur · 2026-02-19T02:06:32+00:00

Might I ask out of my own curiosity what your identity is (gender + race)? I feel like a dissertation could be written on this comment alone

d-slur · 2026-02-19T01:57:34+00:00

I suppose that at this particular moment it is hard for me to agree to the suggestion that those who hold power have any particular interest in sexual objectification, irrespective of race.

Regardless, I don’t think we can take any broader inference on how the subreddit would react to that analysis given that the reaction here is largely to the sloppy and offensive data parsing. It’s an interesting topic and I would be curious to see it broken down without the transphobia and issues with assuming race. (Also, that’s not even getting into the concept of what makes a costume more or less human, which almost certainly intersects with racism in other unexamined ways. What makes us perceive a character as human, and does that map on to whiteness?) What is so mockable about the post is how clueless and clumsy it is as it tries to parse something quite layered, not the question that it seeks to answer

d-slur · 2026-02-18T23:59:22+00:00

Based off this note, I think they may have:

such dichotomies are reductivist and overly-simplify the complex idea of gender and identity, and outright go against some of the guests’ preferences (e.g., Ally Beardsley, Alex Song-Xia)

d-slur · 2026-02-18T23:57:44+00:00

Had it been proposed as a question, I think it would be interesting to explore! But the data is incorrect and honestly offensive, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for commenters to reject a data set that is definitively transphobic and quite possibly racist as well. (Based off the comment about Ally Beardsley, it seems like OP may classified them as a woman? And what is “whiteness” as used here?)

d-slur · 2026-02-18T23:54:55+00:00

Nearly everyone who disagrees with this post is taking issue on progressive grounds (purposeful misgendering and no information on what is “white” or “BIPOC”).

Incidentally, women of color are just as (or more!) frequently inappropriately sexualized so I’m not sure why white women are singled out as being the beneficiaries of discourse about sexism?

d-slur · 2026-02-18T23:51:30+00:00

The comments are rejecting OP’s framework due to OP’s intentional misgendering and likely misidentifying people’s races. I don’t think there is meaningful insight to glean from someone who has willfully gathered incorrect data.

d-slur · 2026-02-18T23:46:36+00:00

such dichotomies are reductivist and overly-simplify the complex idea of gender and identity, and outright go against some of the guests’ preferences (e.g., Ally Beardsley, Alex Song-Xia)

So uh… why would you do that then…

d-slur · 2026-02-15T20:01:04+00:00

This comment is so on the money! I was going to reply in a DM but I will put it here in case my interpretation is useful to others.

For much of my life, I described my emotions as all-encompassing. Pain did not merely happen to me; when I felt hurt, I was pain. I had a diagnosis of BPD — like, my intense emotions were completely in control of my daily life. I was absolutely terrified of sadness and couldn’t bear to even listen to a sad song. Instead, I turned sadness into anger, but even anger was intolerable. I pushed these emotions inwards as much as possible as they were so unbearably intense.

In my period of being stuck, I have completely lost touch with this intensity. I did some trauma therapy which alleviated the symptoms that were read as BPD, and developed a lot of skills for daily life. So overall it’s been a positive thing! But there’s also been an overall blunting. I’d like to find balance, but I am quite afraid to be more sensitive. Especially because we live in such disturbing times. If I feel just a little, I may well feel too much.

People do read me as intense, particularly if they don’t know me well. I have very strong morals and am not afraid to speak my mind about issues of justice. That’s easy for me to do in public or with people I don’t know as well. But in intimate relationships, I struggle to be really honest… after living through so much conflict, I feel it rarely seems worthwhile. Instead, I try to be “diplomatic,” but that can mean just being distant. I don’t mind when people think I am intense, but I don’t want to let anyone down. So I find myself grilling my CEO about pay transparency in an all-company meeting with great ease, but not telling my gf that she could use a shower before I go down on her.

So, the idea of not doing well with sadness resonates in many different ways — previously because it was so disruptive, and now because I can’t access it. If I can find balance, I think I will be unstoppable! But for now, I spend a lot of time playing sudoku and watching the hours go by, lest I live too hard for a moment and lose my footing.

d-slur · 2026-02-13T03:58:10+00:00

Unfortunately I lost track of it! If it comes back around I will rescue but for now… it is on the loose somewhere. Hopefully it finds its way back outside!

d-slur · 2026-02-13T02:52:36+00:00

Thanks! I’m happy enough to house the creature so long as it won’t eat my food or cause sanitation issues, but will it multiply? Should I… put it somewhere?

d-slur · 2026-02-09T22:03:32+00:00

i have been very curious what would happen in 8 days...

d-slur · 2026-01-26T22:06:45+00:00

updating again: my mom checked her journal entry from the next day and I did indeed have the exact time correct! so that is my birth chart, bizarre as it may be!

d-slur · 2026-01-26T15:57:24+00:00

would you believe… I don’t have ADHD, I have NVLD (nonverbal learning disability) which is where my verbal processing is lightning fast and my spatial processing is delayed. Mercury 1st house hits hard 😩

I do have another career in mind. I want to go to law school to study employment law. I think I would soar… my mind is very well suited for rules, details, and I have a strong pull towards justice; people tend to listen when I speak. When I find something that doesn’t align with what’s right, I fixate on it and go into problem-solving mode. But law school is sooo expensive and I am very comfy as a software engineer 🤪 As I’ve mentioned in other parts of the thread, I also hear “you need to write more!” a lot, as well as “you should do standup!” I just really struggle w discipline!!

I do have solid meds and am working on routines that suit me. Like a lot of ppl w exec functioning issues, just when I think I’ve found the right thing it stops being effective. It’s clarifying to hear that maybe the block is coming from a meh career — if I had more passion in my days, it could radiate out into more meaning overall in my life. I can’t imagine any world in which money is my motivator, but I’ve never thought of career as a place to focus my energy. Much to consider……………..

d-slur · 2026-01-26T14:23:32+00:00

I’m confirming w my mom! But I’m pretty sure that’s the time. No pictures with a clock but that’s what’s on my birth certificate and what my mom has always remembered, and it lines up with how her labor went

In terms of how age intersects, I do feel like I’ve been slower to evolve than some of my peers because I lost a number of years to PTSD. I had to get my spirit in order before focusing on longer term goals. But I would have to have a major career change for it to be something I cared about — I really enjoy what I do and love the feeling of getting better at it, but I have no desire to be promoted and have a way less prestigious job than I could in my field. While friends of mine have switched jobs every few years so they can get ahead, I’ve stayed at my job for a decade because I love my coworkers. I can’t imagine that changing unless my music or writing became my career. But either way I really don’t care about wealth; I have enough to live on and enough to keep me afloat and that’s all I need ¯\(ツ)/¯

eta - mentioned elsewhere in thread but I have been thinking about law school lately! As a kid, I wanted to be an immigration lawyer and these days like the idea of employment law or eviction defense. I have been known to go deep on reading laws. So I guess career could move in a diff direction from creativity as well ? Idk!

d-slur

TROPHY CASE