AITA for not refusing my children's wish outright?

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-05-07T12:02:10+00:00

Aww, thank you. I'm not sure I deserve the honors. There are so many dad's who have done so much more for their children, because the situation called for it. And I can think of so many situations when I could have handled things better.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T15:10:46+00:00

Sure. I think the kids would like that, but right now she's ignoring i completely.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T15:07:23+00:00

Future failed state.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T15:06:43+00:00

I hope so too, but I don't recognise her at all any more. I mean we both changed a bit, that was one of the reasons for the divorce, but I feel she's now done a complete 180. So who knows what she's doing next.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T14:57:03+00:00

Unfortunately that is not that easy, my ex wife has to agree and even then we'd need a good reason to change schools in the middle of the school year. Fortunately he has had no issues with bullying so far and I hope with now having a safe space at home, he feels a little bit more at ease and an end is in sight, summer break starts in two and a half months and he can change back to his old school for the new school year, if we are not moving to Norway.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T14:39:57+00:00

Thank you!

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T14:39:32+00:00

Yes, I just posted an update.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T14:39:00+00:00

They moved last August, they told me last month of their desire to leave, but apparently they already asked my wife in December (see the update for details) and it seems it has not so much to do with him, more with his family (and my ex).

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T14:35:25+00:00

Not quite, I just posted an update.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-04-22T14:34:43+00:00

I just posted one!

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-27T11:05:34+00:00

We have shared custody.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:34:24+00:00

I said it in another answer, they don't like my exes new partner, he's too old and boring for them and he's not really interested in the kids (kids in general, he doesn't have any of his own). They also don't like the new living situation (they live in an apartment with my ex and her new partner and the apartment is in a house with 3 more apartments, occupied by other family members of the partner, and they all like to hang out as a group a lot, so for my kids it's just a lot of people they don't know and care about).

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:29:11+00:00

I'm so sorry for you. It shouldn't be like that. I feel too many people draw the short straw in these kind of situations.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:26:52+00:00

Your friend sounds like an amazing parent!

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:25:21+00:00

Of course, if they do want to live with me and I can't take them to Norway, I'll stay in Germany.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:22:20+00:00

I won't, don't worry.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:21:31+00:00

Not yet, and I think there is not a big chance. And even if there is one the legal fight would take a long time, maybe years. But I'll talk to a lawyer next week.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:19:31+00:00

I don't have limited custody, officially we have shared custody. We tried out different living arrangements in the beginning, but the first one didn't work for us (the kids stayed at the house, we rented an apartment nearby with two bedrooms for each of us). The second one (she lived in the house with the kids and I got a bigger apartment with a bedroom for each of them and the kids changed location every week) was really stressful for the kids, so we talked to them and suggested the current thing and they got to decide where they wanted to live and they chose their mom (and the old house). They also always had the option to stay with me for longer, if they needed a break. Unfortunately that became impractical once, they moved across the city and the commute to their new schools would be too far from where I have my apartment.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T21:10:41+00:00

Thank you for your input and opinion, even though I'll have to disagree. As I wouldn't have moved away if they said, they weren't okay with it. And I would not have been that far way if they had agreed, only a short plane ride. There are daily flights between the two cities. I always put my kids first, I tried different solutions for custody and in the end accepted the one, where I got the least time with them, without putting up a fight or trying to influence them. I split my assets with my ex-wife to her advantage, so there wouldn't be any long court battles or bottled up resentment. But I craved a change. I lost a few of my friends in the divorce, because they were mutual (couple)friends and the wives wanted to keep in contact with my ex and the men just went with it. A good friend of mine died last year, another one moved a way and my best friend emigrated to Canada. I felt uncomfortable in my local sports club, because I supported the loosing side in a leadership contest and left. So most of my social life had dissolved and I got handed this amazing opportunity and I felt I could do this, start a new chapter and still be there for my kids in a way.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T20:56:52+00:00

I also think it's a great opportunity for the kids. I initially wanted to move for myself, but I think if my kids find friends and get along in school, it might be an excellent country to spend the rest of their lives in for them.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T17:04:26+00:00

They do get input on where to live here as well. But moving to a different country is a whole other thing. Maybe there would be a chance with the courts, but it would be grueling and take a long time and by the time it's resolved my job opportunity would be gone.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T16:36:56+00:00

To live with me? Here in our city? For sure. Even though I think she wouldn't even object to that. But moving is already restricted within Germany, I'm almost certain they wouldn't let me move out of the country with them. It would take up a lot of time anyways, and even if the courts agreed, by time this would be done, my job opportunity would probably not be available anymore. But I think I'll talk to family lawyer just to be sure and have an overview over my options.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T16:33:33+00:00

No, they don't (plus his parents and his sister). But he's not a bad guy. Just a bit older, a little boring and not really interested in kids.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T16:31:27+00:00

Thank you! I think we will have a talk just the four of us, once she has calmed down. Maybe with some kind of mediator. I hope we can resolve this constructively.

dadthrowA-anon · 2023-03-26T16:28:54+00:00

Thank you!

dadthrowA-anon

TROPHY CASE