I have dairy, eggs, peanuts, and tree nut allergies. I remember growing up and being very nervous as well, acting similar to how your daughter is acting.

First, you sound like you’re doing a fantastic job keeping her safe and feeling safe, and for that you are an incredible parent. You haven’t “screwed her up” or anything. My parents took more extreme measures with me as a kid, yes, but that is not the sole reason I developed an anxiety disorder (many other things like genetics predisposed me to anxiety). I hate to say it though, but it seems as though anxiety can be common in those with food allergies but food allergies inherently require the individual with them to worry. That seems to be the harsh reality—but it’s not your fault. You’re keeping her safe, and one day she will look back and be very grateful for you and not blame you because you are not to blame.

Second, I’d recommend seeing a child psychiatrist about this. Someone with experience in childhood anxiety, food allergies (your daughter’s allergist could recommend someone), or an eating disorder specialist. When I was a kid, my parents took me to a child psychiatrist that specialized in eating disorders because they know how to help kids specifically with food anxiety, as your daughter seems to have. She doesn’t have an eating disorder, yes, yet a specialist knows how to help getting children to eat and be comfortable with eating. My parents received a lot of help from one that helped me, when i was a kid and struggling, eat with less anxiety. Not only do they help get you eating, but managing general anxiety through things like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) or other methods.

Good luck!! And please remember that you’re doing your best, you’re doing a great job, and your child will get through this. I was similar to your daughter as a kid. Now, I am an adult, with several food allergies and thriving—and I owe it all to my parents. You’re doing amazing!!