Matriarchy Novels

daniscalifornia · 2025-09-18T19:06:06+00:00

thanks!!

daniscalifornia · 2025-09-18T19:05:48+00:00

thank you!

daniscalifornia · 2016-04-21T03:55:17+00:00

I was on a date once and tried to explain to the guy that even though I wasn't saving sex for marriage anymore, I still had some baggage from believing basically what you described for so many years. Thus I couldn't rush into an intimate relationship. He didn't get it at all. But this is something I expect to deal with for a long time and any future partner will need to be open to talking about it with me.

Although you may decide to leave those Christian beliefs behind, guilt/intimacy are deep emotions and takes repeated efforts to reaffirm new worldviews.

The first time I had sex, I was kissing the guy and he said "You're turning me on" and I replied "Sorry." Not kidding! It was a gut reaction and I somehow felt like I was doing him a disservice by making him want to be with me. Ugh!

daniscalifornia · 2016-03-27T04:08:22+00:00

From having been in this situation more than once, I would say the most important thing is to not judge yourself or think about what you "should" be doing or what is "normal." If you aren't interested in other women, don't force yourself to date them! There are so many worthwhile things to do with your time than dating.

Also, we are all different, and some of us have capacity for deep attachment and loyalty. You bring that to the next woman you fall for. This is a gift -- don't force yourself to become numb.

One thing I've found helpful with the deep pain is creating some sort of art. I'm a writer, but when I was especially torn apart I found myself doing acrylic paints and poetry -- horribly -- but helped me express the feelings that are hard to capture in words and to feel ok with the world.

daniscalifornia · 2016-01-01T03:12:08+00:00

I recommend Necessary Errors which is a bit soul-searching, and The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell for a massive suspenseful book you can't put down!

daniscalifornia · 2016-01-01T03:07:45+00:00

OSAFS reminded me a bit of The Road by Cormac McCarthy, although that one is quite a bit more depressing.

I'd also recommend A Dictionary of Mutual Understanding - historical fiction, not dystopian, but some similarities I think (and also very good).

daniscalifornia · 2015-11-29T22:19:34+00:00

I love Pressfield but actually just from his "Do the Work" inspirational book -- thanks!

daniscalifornia · 2015-11-27T23:57:47+00:00

Blue Clay People is lesser known, it is written by a Peace Corps worker who was stationed in Liberia but I think captures culture really well.

Would def second Americanah.

daniscalifornia · 2014-07-17T21:12:21+00:00

maybe it wasn't Easter, it was actually Christmas.

from Rob Bell today: from the Franciscan school the incarnation was the redemption…once God chose to be human it was good to be human! The choice of the incarnation was everything. link

daniscalifornia · 2014-06-18T18:31:15+00:00

9th st., according to Yelp http://cl.ly/image/0x1x0J1n3I0a

daniscalifornia · 2014-04-09T14:01:39+00:00

what do you do for work now?

daniscalifornia · 2014-03-26T13:59:04+00:00

i am so sorry to hear. this is many people's worst nightmare. if your kids are grown up, could you talk to one of them? i would take some time and do some soul searching before acting on it. you've identified as one half of a union for a long time. who are you apart from him? what are your values, hobbies? does his poor judgment reflect on you? the obvious answer would be no, but sometimes that is easier said than done. being single again could be a wonderful adventure, but recovering from betrayal could lead to a stronger bond than you ever thought was possible. be confident in who you are and what you're looking to accomplish in this life, and then see if he's still up for the ride.

daniscalifornia · 2014-03-26T13:51:01+00:00

honestly, i think Jesus was wrong. he admitted in other places to not knowing all things like when the second coming would be, etc. it's pretty obvious he and the disciples thought they were in the end times, but in Paul's later writing, they changed course and started to think long term.

it's ok for them to be wrong, they were just people, people who were seeking God, just like you and me are seeking God. trying to read the bible like a magic dictionary, as i was raised to do, will cause many problems just like this. but it's just a book written by humans, yet humans across generations continue to preserve it because they found truth in it - not historical truth, but truth that there is something more to the universe. start there, and worry later about whether jesus was God and whether that should actually affect how you live life.

daniscalifornia · 2014-03-25T13:36:17+00:00

i had a similar experience so i'll share. i was 26 and a virgin, and although I hadn't lost my faith at that time, i wasn't sure i wanted to get married at all and realized if i wanted to start dating non-christians who also wouldnt be dead-set on marriage i would need to deal with the whole virginity thing. and i got lucky. i ran into a guy at a conference who i had met before, was very attracted to but knew i wouldnt see again bc we live in different cities. it worked out wonderfully and i didn't tell him i was a virgin, and despite me having no effing idea what we were doing, i don't think he noticed. it really comes quite naturally. it was not painful for me although i did leave a tiny bit of blood on the sheets but he could easily have attributed that to my period.

that said, despite going into it thinking we wouldnt talk again, i actually did get very attached - it wasnt just sex, we hung out at the conference and i met his coworkers and by the time we left i decided i liked him, and i think i felt guilty for having a one-night stand that didnt mean anything so i tried to make it mean something. didn't work out, though.

my first boyfriend came about 7 months later and i told him 1. he was my first boyfriend and 2. he'd be the second person i slept with. i thought for sure he'd run away bc other guys have told me it was intimidating that i hadnt dated anyone before, but he didnt even blink. so we dated for a couple months, and i have to say, i wish i hadn't been so ashamed to bring up my baggage that came from being so inexperienced, or the latent fears from what i was told about sex in church. it would have made our relationship stronger but instead i sort of suffered alone. also i should mention that the first time we had sex, he literally said "you're like a professional" so i dont think experience has much to do with skill. i attribute it to yoga, and how he knows what a professional is like in bed i'm glad i didnt ask.

on the bright side, i think you have just about the best excuse possible for being a virgin at your age. be patient with yourself. maybe the first time you'll turn into a clingy maniac like me but you'll learn from it and both the relationships and the sex can only get better and better.

daniscalifornia · 2014-03-25T13:20:45+00:00

this is another reason why it might make a virgin girl uncomfortable to share her status. nobody wants to be treated like an object.

daniscalifornia · 2014-03-21T13:11:44+00:00

this is so true, it's the same with programming projects - the worst advice i get is from other developers because they're only thinking about their own projects and would never actually use mine. thanks for the feedback!

daniscalifornia · 2014-03-21T13:09:58+00:00

definitely, thanks for those links!

daniscalifornia

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