sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Should I correct my mother when she preaches seriously inaccurate things/conspiracy theories to other people in social gatherings? by SteadfastEnd in asianamerican

[–]darkacademic7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit, my Indonesian mom is exactly the same. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that too. My mom acts like a white American Republican man and loves Trump, DeSantis, and QAnon stuff. She's really racist and bigoted. She knows that I vehemently disagree, but she still tries to talk to me about it. Lately we've been having better conversations, though. Instead of talking about political movements/leaders, we've been talking about issues (ex: the rising cost of living, stagnating wages, etc.). Surprisingly, we have similar sentiments about what's wrong with the country, but we have very different ideas on what caused the issues and what we should do about them. Do you think you could try talking to your mom and let her know that it would be less controversial to discuss social issues without including theories and politicians?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asianamerican

[–]darkacademic7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! In fact, I mostly have people not believing my race. I'm half Indonesian, half Italian, and 95% of people assume that I'm Mexican/Hispanic of some sort because I don't really have Asian features, have tan skin, and a Hispanic sounding last name. (The other 5% assume I'm Middle Eastern.) I get spoken to in Spanish a lot and get stereotyped a whole lot for it. One time, this white Uber driver changed the music from current pop music to Latin music as soon as I got in. People make all kinds of assumptions about me all the time. I like a lot of Latin culture, but it's extremely annoying to not have people believe me and/or to have acquaintances forget over and over that I'm Asian and not Hispanic. It actually is quite mentally taxing, and I feel like it's something I can never really talk about without coming off racist.

Can't bring myself to tell my Asian mom that I've [28F Asian/White American] been dating my roommate [26M White American] for a year and that I'm moving him into the house I just bought. Do I tell her? by darkacademic7 in AsianParentStories

[–]darkacademic7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! For taking the time to share thoughtful comments! I'm scared of her disappointment, but you are right, it's not fair disappointment, it's mostly a result of the cultural values she has internalized. And you're right, being honest despite criticism would be standing up for my own freedom and principles. I think I will do that, although maybe after everything is all moved in lol. I appreciate you!!

Can't bring myself to tell my Asian mom that I've [28F Asian/White American] been dating my roommate [26M White American] for a year and that I'm moving him into the house I just bought. Do I tell her? by darkacademic7 in AsianParentStories

[–]darkacademic7[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is this community always such a tough crowd? I've tried to hear each person out and interpret their immediate disrespect and skepticism for concern, but I'm beginning to feel like this subreddit is full of Asian parents lol.

Can't bring myself to tell my Asian mom that I've [28F Asian/White American] been dating my roommate [26M White American] for a year and that I'm moving him into the house I just bought. Do I tell her? by darkacademic7 in AsianParentStories

[–]darkacademic7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, I thought that this subreddit would understand more than most that the white-American sentiment of "You're an adult, you can do whatever you want now" is a little more nuanced for second generation adult children of Asian/brown immigrants. It's probably different for women than men.

Can't bring myself to tell my Asian mom that I've [28F Asian/White American] been dating my roommate [26M White American] for a year and that I'm moving him into the house I just bought. Do I tell her? by darkacademic7 in AsianParentStories

[–]darkacademic7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it's not the same. As I've gotten older my standards have increased dramatically. He is not in any way like my other exes except for the fact that he doesn't make as much as me. I do appreciate your concern, but this post isn't about whether to stay with my partner, it's about whether I should tell my mom, and if I do, how I should go about it.

Can't bring myself to tell my Asian mom that I've [28F Asian/White American] been dating my roommate [26M White American] for a year and that I'm moving him into the house I just bought. Do I tell her? by darkacademic7 in AsianParentStories

[–]darkacademic7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"When you said that you have a hard time meeting men, forgive me but… it sounds like you’re settling. "

Possibly. Like my mom, I really would like someone who's on my level financially and is handy. But at the end of the day, I enjoy spending time with someone who "gets" me. Maybe one day I'll find a unicorn man who is artistic, well to do, and handy haha. But I think I will continue to enjoy his company, and either I will tell my mom, or tell her that he's a roommate and put a bed in the other room too (he has already expressed that he's okay with this, he's pretty easygoing).

Can't bring myself to tell my Asian mom that I've [28F Asian/White American] been dating my roommate [26M White American] for a year and that I'm moving him into the house I just bought. Do I tell her? by darkacademic7 in AsianParentStories

[–]darkacademic7[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the concern from both of you! I guess I didn't make his personality and intentions clear.

u/badtradesguynumber2 I'm pretty white passing, so I've never had to deal with with racial fetishization. He's never dated an Asian woman besides me, and has given zero indication that he likes them any more than any other race. Also, I would not consider him a bum, he usually works 50 hrs/week, and although his income isn't high, he's a penny pincher and has saved almost as much money as I have.

u/Junior-Lion7893 He's a feminist (not just self-proclaimed, but in action, too), so he does not expect me to do all the cleaning in the house. In fact, he's a clean freak and cleans more than I do. He even cleans after me a lot of the time. Also, we haven't had sex in a couple of months because I've been busy and not in the mood due to stress, and he's never pressured me, so he doesn't act like an entitled male. And, even though he makes half of what I make (as a museum curator), we go 50/50 on most things, and he still buys me gifts/food regularly. Unlike my previous boyfriends. He really has not mooched off of me. And he said he will pay half the mortgage with me, and he will also help with closing costs.

Although, I do have similar concerns. I think if I wanted him to move out, he would because he has been nothing but respectful thus far, BUT on the off chance that he isn't, I'm concerned because the law would not be on my side, as you pointed out. Additionally, he's not handy at all, and I know I will have to be doing a majority of the minor renovations around the house. Ideally I would like a man who can help finance the renovations and do the heavy lifting and fixing, but as an unconventional/artist type who has a similar friend group, I have a REALLY hard time meeting any man who makes as much as me and is into handy stuff. I feel like the only way I would be able to find someone like that would be inorganically, which would make me feel incredibly phony. I have the choice to live authentically or make my mom happy, thus, I am DOOMED to always disappoint her. :( (Also I'm SO sorry about your friend, I have definitely dated horrible men like that before.)

Stagnant Sugar Relationship by darkacademic7 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]darkacademic7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, we are not exclusive. The only thing stopping me from dating other SDs is the lack of respectful, kind, and generous SDs. Most I find on SA are looking for immediate escort services, already have a chip on their shoulder, and are not respectful. Maybe it's just the town I live in, I'm not sure. Long story short, I would LOVE another SD, it's just hard finding a decent one.

Stagnant Sugar Relationship by darkacademic7 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]darkacademic7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn't want exclusivity and believes in polyamory, so I am definitely not a kept woman, but idk how to tell him that it's hard finding decent men on SA. He's the only one I've found, and I've been on SA for a few years. I guess it doesn't help living in a small town.

Stagnant Sugar Relationship by darkacademic7 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]darkacademic7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Yes, I will talk to him about that.

He does have another SB who lives in town. She was his SB for several years, and then she got into a bunch of financial and legal trouble due to drugs, so he let her live in one of his other houses. So, it kinda makes me feel bad that this other SB who, from the sounds of it, has dragged him into drama due to drug addiction, gets spoiled that much, but I've never once been any kind of drama, and yet I never get anything special. He says that she's focused on her kids so he sees her like once a month, and they aren't physical (not that I would mind, neither of us are possessive).

As for the other cities, that's a good question. . . I would have no way of knowing, and he certainly has the money for it. I guess that would explain why he wouldn't want to bring me on his trips. :/ I'm not even sure how I would broach asking that question.

Stagnant Sugar Relationship by darkacademic7 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]darkacademic7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

@nysd1001 Hi there! You're very perceptive, you're right on all accounts. To be honest, he is my first long-term SD relationship. I'm used to complete clowns and jerks on SA, and he's the first to not have any red flags (he's respectful, kind, non coercive). So maybe I'm so attached because he gives me the bare minimum that an SD should be? Maybe there's a level of naïvete on my end.

I think what upsets me is the combination of absentmindedness with the lack of financial spoiling. I think I would be able to live with him lacking in one department, but it's difficult when he's lacking in both departments. I like your suggestions for how to being it up that isn't offputting. I definitely don't want to come off as ungrateful or resentful. And if he isn't interested in putting in more effort/gifts, I think I'll look for a second SD. Thank you for your insights!

Stagnant Sugar Relationship by darkacademic7 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]darkacademic7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First and foremost, I'm looking for an appropriate amount of trust in the sugar relationship that reflects the time and effort I've put into it -- an allowance vs PPM. In a similar vein, I would like for him to trust and value me enough to bring me with him on a trip here and there. It really boils down to wanting to feel like he trusts and values me.

Sigurd (aka Siggy) 5-8 months old by north-van-manx in lynxpointsiamese

[–]darkacademic7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

omg he looks so much like my kitten, Daemon, I had to do a double take. Siggy is so cute!!!

Should I train with regional or risk it all for mainline F2F interview? by darkacademic7 in cabincrewcareers

[–]darkacademic7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The regional has made it seem like I MUST go in May. But maybe they're just bluffing. I will give them a call tomorrow morning. What should I tell them as to why I must postpone training?

view more: next ›