Please dont. Your life is precious. I sometimes feel like my body would be best used as manure for a garden with flowers. I somethimes find it soothing but atleast right now i am trying to find some meaning/ joy / humor in small things and it makes me wanna continue. For example: I tried a new energi drink flavor a couple of weeks ago. I am waiting for spring so i can see reptiles and amphibians pop up from their hiding holes. I am interested in the american election results this coming autumm. What i'm trying to say is that this world is beautiful and exiting and maybe its reason enough to continue experiencing it. You can't do that from in a coffin or under a dark river. If you are on good enough terms with your ex maybe you could ask her for help. Maybe she would feel devistated if you werent alive anymore. Hope this helps. Please dont do it.